"the return of Jimmy"

[JimmyRipper]

yo! i'm the devil, sydistic in ways that's nothin but incredible
you know who it is, Jimmy the one person the government considered a rebel
took a shovel and buried the rap game up under sea level
if there ever was somethin as sinister enough for me to cease to blow shit up
let it be deceased, so i can still have this mag to blast on these freaks
fuck what you think, i got heat that these bitches don't want to meet
i don't need to be the one who runs these streets, all i need is you to cross me
and you gone be the next fagget whose brains was splattered over this concrete
fuck it! bring your beef, i'm a show you why they call me the Ripper
cause i Rip anything you think of when i pull this trigger
i'm not your fuck'n average nigga, give me a heavy hitter
and i'll beat the shit out of anybody that's think'n they bigger
you mutherfuckers must of thought i was somebody who made a hit for a minute
took a perminate leave and said to hell with spitt'n this shit that ain't winn'n
Jimmy ain't finished, i ain't done with deminish'n these fuckers
don't duck these mutherfucker if you think'n these bullets won't hurt ya!
you flirt'n with death if you fuck'n with me,
this dirty south native ain't gone stop with this hurt till it bleeds
go ahead and try to mount up, and your body gone be next in the morg the doctors count up
you mutherfuckers must be itch'n to clown up, i'll leave you frowned up
take you to a place where no one a find ya,
and put your remains in the back of a pick up truck and drown ya!
you hate me...good! i love the shit, gets these bitches pissed
cause i still don't got no love for these tricks, i'll rather gett'um stuck
stick'um with this dick till i tear up their guts
this here is gone be for them hoes that's ready to have fun
give'n it up without any questions being drawn
who you think is gonna start some..........rambunctious head shake'n heart thumps
this nigga here is a.......dark one, i'm a nasty enough figure to.......fuck moms
don't hate me for what i am, hate me for what i've become
the mutherfucker that went from being in last place to number one

[Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic]

One word....
ELEVATE
you need to work on everything....INCLUDING creative lyrics...Please don't take this the wrong way, but you are not anticipated in your return. Your rhymes are played out, and your structure sucks, along with the flow. Take this as constructive criticism and work on your weaknesses.

[JimmyRipper]

sure dog! thanks i'll do that

[Split]

you definately had delivery, thats a good thing, but u need a few more things to make the song worth while to anyone who gives more of a shit. so like skiddz said, elevate, work out your structure for sure, read the dictionary or something, just work on it, and keep the delivery, delivery was good...

[-->FreeBasE<--]

it wasn't that bad man

maybe some wordplay and vocab

def some metaphores and better rhyme scheme

check your personal messages in User CP ^^^

[Mistral]

You need to leave 3 links or 3 names of people you left feedback to or this will get deleted..

But Yeah this was alright...your structure could use some work though, your lines are stretched out there, try to shorten them up a bit so its structured good and keep them around the same length to help the flow out....flow was ok....up your vocab and try adding some multies and some wordplay...but keep at it.