Dear Bill
You said you spilled more than I drank
But you showed me the signs of addiction
And for that I give you thanks
I’m one of Bills babies too…
But I think I was maybe 15 when I last saw you (45)
And I respect what your trying to do
I don’t want to scare anyone else
But my side of mental health?
My uncle Billy relapsed one day and died
And in that fear of sober vs relapse I hide
Just for today
Nah I still want to play
But when I forget to say my prayers every day
There’s nothing left to say
I may not know who I am now
But I know who I’m not
They assume coke whore - hell no
At my worst just a thot
Hey Bill - we’re back at the table
And im so sick I don’t even know if im able
But out of respect…
I’ll let someone with more time write the fable
Im back… not sure if I want to be
But that voice in the back of my head just won’t fucking get out of me
I’m powerless
I surrender
I know I can’t do this by myself
I’m a little unstable
But don’t want to end up back on that cold shelf
Great idea though… if I ever got to have kids
They’d go to AA., for a year everyday
And get trained to see the curse in our blood the same way
So they understand how to conquer that voice that we as addicts face every day
I know there is light at the end of the tunnel
And yes I know sober I can still have fun though
I give you one year
One year to try and heal me from all that fear
If you still want me here
And maybe I graduate again
But deep down inside I already know that addiction will probably win
Amen
PS… I almost forgot to tell you my father drunk himself to death
And if I could’ve saved his life I
I would’ve given him my last breath
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