First freestyle ever.. let me know what you think

**Lyrically Inclined** · May 3rd, 2011, 02:34 PM

(still writing)

Im lyrically inclined,
shit I dont even gotta shine,
I wish you could see inside my mind,
this is how a square is designed,
its half past ten,
you better pray amen,
Your going against me chump,
I'll rock your teeth up,
I'll wrap your car around a tree the paper will say the car just slid,
I don't smoke nothin lower then mid,
I'm sittin back sippin this juice and gin,
Lord forgive me for my sins,
I'm just another person tryin to feed his kid din,
Partying every two weeks at the Alexandria Inn
This is where the battle begins,
All I hear them say is win baby win,
your girl next to be giving me sloppy head,
*gun shot* right in the head now she playing dead,
My bitch roll me blunts by the pound,
yall know when I'm around,
you got your head down,
ready for the next round?
I'll tell them you drowned,
I made sure there was sound,
Your body was never found,
Because im the illiest ask around,
Ill bound your ankles so your hangin upside down,
slice both your ankles until your facedown on the ground,
I never back down,
I'll laugh watchin you fall dead,
watch me pick up the clip lead,
ask your girl if I was built in bed,
ill beat that pussy till its cherry red,
I can't lye but your girl gives great head,
trust me she loves nut bread,
cause im the boss and Im watchin my boys from over head,
you know i got my bugotti chrome red,
yea I got money but dont ask for any,
cause ill probably just give you a loaf of bread,
I got the inferred in the middle of your head,
ya taste that sugar of lead,
yea im fucked up in the head,
beef wit me and ill leave your chest dark red,
I never stop I always get ahead,
you just stagger ahead,
I wonder when they will crown this head,
i'll punch you so hard you'll be seeing red,
you'll be lucky if you get a swelled head,
doin my time splittin the bread,
see me rollin home in that bens,
and that enz,
watch em chase me on cnn,
threw that camera lens,

**Mercury89** · May 3rd, 2011, 02:44 PM

the "around / upside down / facedown on the ground" line is pretty good. to be honest i'd really need to hear it out loud -- just from the text it's hard to tell exactly how the flow would go. have you considered recording it?

**Lyrically Inclined** · May 3rd, 2011, 02:48 PM

Yea I have.. I'm gonna spit it fast probably on a fast beat like best rapper alive.. idk tho i need some advice

**I-M-E** · May 3rd, 2011, 04:40 PM

lol why would u call yourself lilweezyana?
im guessing this isnt a freestyle since its writen down and i dont trust anyone actually freestyles with txt, pretty typical lines for the weezy wannabe style and very basic (so might be freestyle afterall),your not really saying anything, and this is in the wrong section...def suggest you find your own style and not try to clearly mimic someone famous who doesnt even really write good himself

hopefully your not one them ppl who start gettin all net hard trying to act like ur really dope and use clips and have a buggatti cuz noone will believe you and im not planning on comming back to check if you replied, just my opinion take it how it is and shrug it off if you want, but it aint something i like to see.....some ppl need to hear the truth and get honest crit, tho most are delusional and still think they gonna be rich and think they are the best ever, hopefully you wont and show some growth as you keep rhymin'

**Blackflags** · May 3rd, 2011, 04:45 PM

Guy's PLEASE Stop replying to threads that are CLEARLY not Audio. This is getting moved to open Mic. Please READ before your start blindly posting!

**Andrewert** · May 3rd, 2011, 05:12 PM

for a first freestyle not bad at all bro

**Lyrically Inclined** · May 3rd, 2011, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by I-M-E

lol why would u call yourself lilweezyana?
im guessing this isnt a freestyle since its writen down and i dont trust anyone actually freestyles with txt, pretty typical lines for the weezy wannabe style and very basic (so might be freestyle afterall),your not really saying anything, and this is in the wrong section...def suggest you find your own style and not try to clearly mimic someone famous who doesnt even really write good himself

hopefully your not one them ppl who start gettin all net hard trying to act like ur really dope and use clips and have a buggatti cuz noone will believe you and im not planning on comming back to check if you replied, just my opinion take it how it is and shrug it off if you want, but it aint something i like to see.....some ppl need to hear the truth and get honest crit, tho most are delusional and still think they gonna be rich and think they are the best ever, hopefully you wont and show some growth as you keep rhymin'

I don't mimic lil wayne, I'm just from where he was born.
If I WAS to mimic anyone.. it would be eminem.
No matter what you say, you can't say shit about him.
Like I said this was a freestyle,
I thought about parts in my head, wrote them down and rearranged them so it would sound better.
That is diffrent from actually writing a full freestyle down.. just sayin'.
Second, wayne shit is beast... check waynes Upgrade U freestyle.. the fuck is you talkin about?
Third, don't tell me who I am or what I try to look like. I'm ME, i do ME.
I only believe only in PUSSY MONEY WEED. And no not the song..

Other then that,
Thanks man I appreciate it, I'm not great but I want to be. Fuck the money or the fame.. I'm passionate for rap and rappin.