I'm the Illest

[.Anonymous]

I'm kind of rusty cause its been a while since I've written. So constructive criticism would be appreciated. I'd rather not get short posts talkin' shit. So if you wanna talk shit, do it in a constructive way to help me elevate. Oh, and by the way, I know the Cristopher Reeves reference is played out by Eminem but it went perfect with my piece. If you can't get the flow, there's a slight pause after every comma like there would be if you were reading poetry.


I'm the Illest
I'm sick of these niggas who think they iller than me,
it can't be cause of the way that I'm always killin' the beat,
I'm ill in these streets, you really think you iller than me?
Then pick a beat so I can end this thing subliminally,
I'll slither with ease inside your mind and cripple your knees
until you believe you're paralyzed like Cristopher Reeves
it's simple to see, my fingers have been itchin' to squeeze
and coincidentally, somebody's itchin' to bleed,
hissin' at me but you need to listen to me,
cause hissin' at me would only work your mental disease
my rhythm is three times better than your rhythm could be,
even in your dreams I'll end up bein' ill and a beast,
I'll kill you in your sleep and continue livin' in peace
I'll bring the pain like stomp-lovin' gorillas in cleats
so if you feelin' the beat that means my spit is complete,
and I've persuaded you to never ever get it with me,
cause I'm the illest.


http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...831/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...04/index.html]
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...193/index.html

[ZipperOnTrousers]

Haha I would change the pralyzed like Christopher Reeves line to:

"You believe you're paralyzed like your Ricky Bobby!"

If you've seen Talladega Nights by Will Ferrel you'll get that one. Little less obvious than reeves.

I'm ill in these streets, you really think you iller than me?
Then pick a beat so I can end this thing subliminally,

It sounds good, but i did find myself wondering what ending something subliminally actually means... Seems more like the line was thrown in to rhyme rather than to truely add somethng to what you were saying...

my rhythm is three times better than your rhythm could be,
even in your dreams I'll end up bein' ill and a beast,
I'll kill you in your sleep and continue livin' in peace
I'll bring the pain like stomp-lovin' gorillas in cleats

Love this part, highlight of the song. Flows well and made me laugh a little. Very well done.

I like the flow throughout, the rhymes all work but as I sad before there are one or two that just seem thrown in and don't really make much sense, at least to me.

Overall though, this is a nice piece. Especially if your rusty haha!

Keep it up, hope you get back into it properly man
Zip

[.Anonymous]

Thanks a lot. I really appreciate the feedback. It has been said that subliminal messages can be delivered through music. So I said pick a beat so I can end the dispute subliminally (through music). Meaning I'll end it consciously AND subconsciously. Maybe that clarifies it a bit? Maybe not, haha. Plus, I thought it rhymed really well. Thanks again for the feedback!

[Kid Craze]

This did have a flow too it, i could definantly rap this out loud. But, good for you for doin this, but you reallly played out that rhyme, which made it very monotone, The lack of multiples or complex rhymes also bored me a lil. this wasnt bad but nothin special, so sorry i can't give much feedback

[Kid Craze]

oh and yeahh, if you have to explain what your lyrics mean to people who are lrycists, than thats a no-no, your not ill enough to confuse the readers man, I didnt like the subliminal line anyway, it felt added juss cause it rhymed, like you were juss tryin to sound cool

[.Anonymous]

Yo, no offense Kid Craze. But read it again. I packed it full of multis. That's the way I intended to write it. Did you seriously not notice? Almost everything rhymes. Haha. And everything that is written is monotone. Written words don't have sounds. Plus, I explained that to be courteous. I didn't have to explain shit. For someone who knows what subliminal means, it wouldn't need explanation. Next time give genuine feedback instead of recycling everyone elses feedback. For example, you told ZippersOnTrousers exactly everything that I did when you gave him feedback on his piece and if you knew what multis were, you wouldn't have told me that I was lacking them. But thanks for the feedback, anyway! Appreciate it.

[Kid Craze]

oh snap, i didnt mean to type the multiples part, i was tryin to think of all the rhyme terms and i juss kinda typed that, sorry, but yeah, when i say monotone, i mean when i read it out loud, cause these are suppised to be raps, whichh aree usually spoken, so thats something i'm gonna use to rate, no diss, your good

[.Anonymous]

Uppin'.

[ItoldUIwasFat]

decent post here man...first thing i noticed is that you used iller than me to end a line twice and on top of that they where practically one after the other if your gonna do that its gotta be some ill fucking shit and that was at best ok. your multis are ok nothing to outrages in there lol...it flowed decent and your subject is played but wat isnt played these days...last thingyou could improve your word choices bring some variety your you scheme...

good post man and keep writing...