Dreams

[Dan 'V]

Dreams

Am I awake now
still dreaming of tomorrow,
becoming today.

Maybe if I believe in anything I’ll change
I've ready many things, pages by page.
Let me out!
I can't survive, I'm not meant to be locked up
Still voices differ when your world is cold cut
I'm all out of luck; you won't see any for dust
You'll see a perfect scene, if you sand away the rust
So like I'm dreaming, I am a believer in believing.
Slit my wrists and mess myself, fear and loathing,
Worse than a thousand babies teething.
So I dreamed and I had a peaceful night,
Dreaming is real but minus the lasting fight.

So I was awake
daring to then dream a dream,
still I am wishing.

[Dan 'V]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ry-389174.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=385362

[Soule]

I may be retarded, or this was fucking beautiful.


Rhymescheme could have been a lot more then you had it.. some internals and multi-syllable rhyming would have been dope. But in my opinion, it would have fucked with everything you had going. The wording was amazing and the concepts in each line were dope as fuck dude. I loved the imagery you were getting across here... a few favorite lines of mine were.....

You chose to go and search, because you believe
I had the entire bible, tattooed under my sleeve

A fashion, a swagger and a novel style you do say
Put on the planet to be heard an misbehave

At the end of my days,
Bury me face down in a shallow grave

as a side note, I thought the haiku in both the start and finish of this piece was great as well man. Nom'd.

[Dan 'V]

Thanks man that's nice of you. Thanks for the tips about the multis ect
Great feedback for my first OM piece and Nom'd also, thanks.

[Dan 'V]

up.

[Emajanashun]

good shit man a bit messy but it was good...nice ending