I think it was an overall good drop. So much visuals and details. I think you did well in the most part with the rhyme scheme and there were only a few lines that I didnt like. The chowder one for example. I dont know it just seems weird and not sure if I like it. I understand the line and all so its not confusing but it seems used because of the rhyme aspect so it didnt mesh well. The front end of the verse felt slow at points like you kept elaborating on the same thing which helped with the visual of the character but kind of made it seem longer than what it was. Ending was good...kind of figured something would happen to the guy in a negative way. Didnt have the punch at the end like I was hoping for but ended without me asking wtf just happened.
Overall I enjoyed reading it. I think the snowflake aspect went well because It kind of went from the norm of being dif. than everybody else like the normal snowflake idea. So in that sense It was semi-original. I think it needs some beefing up in the meat of the verse such as maybe more story or more of an idea of why this character is doing what he is doing. and for some reason the line with the avalanch caught my eye in the sense that begun would work better as began because of the whole tense premise and it would add a better inner. Good drop though. Keep up the good work.
I have a peice on OM right now called "a pack of ciggarettes" if you have the time to reply that would be great sorry I dont have the link to it.
Reply With Quote
