Obsessing, Obsession

[Know-It-All]

quoted parts are excerpts from a song by the band soil.Trying to break my writers block.

“I'll mimic everything you are to me
The way you walk, the way you talk
The way you breathe
Obsessions, Obsessing
Obsessing, Obsessions”

Touching the same glass you look through daily
Is the only way I can still be close to you;
I still feel the warmth of your gaze, and your breath
Still steaming off of this encrusted glass
I feel your presence still looming in this spot,
And I will stand here until it walks away from me
As you did, I’m lost without you. We need each other.
We still share the same breath, and it will never change.

We are symbiotic. We are one.

As the memories of you still burn in the back of my head,
And your voice haunts me to the core of my soul.
Leaving me staring at the wall of pictures of you
Weeping for one more chance to hear your voice again;
So just do me a favor and…

“Sing a song, sing your little song
Make it all make sense to me
Obsessing, Obsessions”

Tell me why, why can’t we be together?
Why I can’t feel the tenderness of your heart beating
While I gently kiss your tender lips,
And why I can’t run my hand softly up your thigh?
I know you still love me, but I don’t understand?
I want to be you, not me, you make me better;
And I complete you; our love is a conjoined twin
That should never be separated, but we were.

“Oh can't you see you are me, can't you
You are me, dear god please
I don't wanna be everything that this god has planned for me
Can't you see you are my everything
I can't give everything this world will expect from me
You are my everything”

I would die for you if you wanted me to,
And anything else you’d want, I would
I’d murder everyone on earth, if need be.
You belong to me, and nobody else
Can’t you see it yet? You need me.

“I'm not obsessing
Can't you see how much I want your life for me
It's not an obsession”

I just need you to come back,
And pull me from this downward spiral
Of photographs and perfume;
Your smell still lingers in my bed
I smell it on my pillows.
It drives me insane, come back now!

“See you walk like so
And you talk just like this
Could I be you if I, if I think like you
Can't you see how much you mean to me”

Your soft tone rich with passion
Still burns me inside.
I mimic all of your mannerisms,
And wearing your clothing and makeup
I cut my hair just like yours.
I love everything you love,
And hate everything you hate.
This is how much I love you,

And soon I will be you.

“When I'm through making me you
I'll be the best you that I can be”

And you’ll never leave me again.

[Know-It-All]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...=1#post6454210

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-368788.html


I will return feedback

[Jawn Raw]

this was a nice piece, nice structure and flow. emotionally this piece was pretty good throughout and the storyline was pretty dope. imagery was pretty decent throughout but i would like to see you be more creative and complex with your words. the word choice was good but vocabulary wise it could be a lot stronger. overall this was a dope piece, nice imagery and storyline was really dope. nice shit man.

[Ntalek]

overall I thought this piece was emotionally strong and I felt that you did a good job with the obsessive descriptions...like the wall of picture line really made it sink in...I don't think you were as complex with your vocab as I've seen in the past but you kinda kept it simple and easy to understand...the overall storyline I felt was a tad bit creative if your vocab would've been stronger along with some nicer meta's this could've been a heck of a lot better though it was still a good read...you did a good job with the quotes and the translation for them into the piece...they transistioned well..so props on that cause sometimes that's hard to accomplish...overall this was a good read..not the best I've seen from you but still good..

[P. Mortuus]

I enjoyed this piece very different structure wise which is nice sometime.You imagery was here and there.But the emotion in this piece like slapped me.Glad to have in IE for season 7 cant wait to face you.The Storyline like everyone else said was dope,see this is what lots of people lack when writing poetry a nice enjoyable storyline,but you had props.Your writing wasnt that complexed but me sometimes I enjoy simple shit you know so overall here good shit be sure to hit my piece up.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-371730.html