TV Kids [Morf&Jonathon]

[Judge Judy]

1st-Morf
2nd-Jonathon
.

the remotes gripped
as i flick threw the old shit
twisted and sick, so much that these bones twitch
I’ma pretty gritty fucker...
n' the screen got me buggin'
im mean muggin’…
...plugged with plots the TV dug in
as a kid, nothin' I saw eased
guns and gore scenes...
daytime dreamin’ of Vorhees
and its all from the black box...
loved it when they’d pack glocks
start screamin’ and blast cops
.
.
So I tread the path
Fed it gas, and bred a man…
With a conscience stashed
In these depths of wrath
For years of being ignored
I steered to gore…
Just to even the score
Because face it…
What else can a beast ador?
It’s a gift…
To have em’ flinch when you passed
This image descends from those 12 inches of glass
And if im cornered and scorned…
By the world, ill fish through the kitchen
And Sift for the perfect instrument for incision…
addicted, with out the blood drips im itchin'
and If im caught committin'...
.

fuck it, ill stab em' up in prison

just some TV Kids.

knowledge is knowing what's in the moment..
flashy cars and zanex bar's ruin the focus;
celebrities envy the spotlight, being greater -
now consist of being smarter than a 5th grader.
years later yesterday's youth is running shit
...taking education's value an stunning it..
CSI and NBC aren't enough for me..
I'd rather slang off music stations, BET n MTV
seem to be the only reality TV on the screen
since, girls dressed in jeans are plastic beauty queens...
i'll further my knowledge... sound flattering?
just move out of my way n hand me some batteries

[Jon]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-356105p2.html
^ here's a link

[Gabriel]

morf
Well um, PG shows for you from now on. I am assuming you did all before the bold "just some tv". The first part had a nice flow and good imagery. I do think some of your word choices could have been better but with the topic being what it is you needed some of that shock value. The 2nd part kinda lost me. I couldnt follow it as easily be that flow and context. Maybe I need to re-read it but it just seemed to be in too many places at once.

Jon
I hate reality TV too. Concise! I enjoy the approach of taking it to the media and how we are dumbing our selves down. Kudos to 5th grader that actually made me chuckle. The ending re-affirmed that we are dumbing our selves down. As far as the read itself, it skipped a little. Some parts had to be read faster and some slower. Good context and word choice. I re-read it and while the rhymes were multis I still got that awkward reading speed. Anywho, still dope!

[Jon]

thanks, kinda intended it to be that way since i'm tired of the same speed. lol thanks for feed. i'll collab btw.

[Judge Judy]

thanks for the feed.

[Ntalek]

Pretty dope drop here guys..

Morf- I loved your flow and imagery in this one..but as Gabe said you could've had some better word choice....but all in all it was still good enough to get your POV across with the topic at hand...the topic I thought was nice and creative..I think you did a great job wrapping it all up in the ending of your second stanza..good shit..

Jonathon - You really hit home with your verse..I mean your descriptive perspective on celeb's...and all this reality TV shit kinda took the piece to another level as you even hit on the on the CSI's and NBC's...taking all aspects of television and tying them together with such youthful imagery..between the lines..you did a great job closing this one out with some solid POV...good shit..

overall good collab nothing spectacular..but nothing that should be slept on either..good shit ya'll and keep writing..

[Judge Judy]

thanks..

[BriK YeLLa]

when i read the title i thought it was gon be different i think the first verse was way to short i was jus gettin into what you was saying, the second verse i like better the way it started off, all in all i kinda wanted it to be a lil bit longer cuz i was feelin the way yall was goin wit the topic and shit..but its gud

[Jon Dagel]

Both did cool. Felt that the imagery came along fluently through both writers but i wasn't caring much for Morf's wordplay. It seemed weak in my oppinion, though I am sure it wall well intended to be how it came out. you probally thought it would be creative. But I felt it just brought your verse down. the rest was good though. You both came up with nice imagery and emotion. Flow was very consistant. Rhymescheme nice. Original read. Keep writing both of you. Hit up "Tissues of Issues" it beat Linex and his piece got HoF.

[Boxin Mics]

both the flows were pretty smooth. based on the subject id also say you both had great imagery. and i do agree with gabriel some of your word choices couldve been better (morf). not that its any big concern because it was still pretty fresh either way you look at it. overall it was creative and you both had nice rhyme schemes. all i can say really is just keep flowing. hopefully ill see more from the both of you..

[Jon]

thanks dude.

[Vincent Maestro]

Morf-...I liked your flow....it was on topic and it didn't hit me with any really complex jargon...Loved how you played up the theme...adding things like you being scared daydreaming of Vorhees.

Jon-I was feeling how you ended the flow....it was like you played narrator...while morf kinda gave a First person view....of how the youth gets bombarded by all types of images through tv....

Overall-for the concept of this piece I like how you put yourselves in the tv kids shoes....instead of standing outside the loop and judging a generation you feel is being hypnotized by television....you described the role television played in your Imaginations as youths.

Dope collab.

Rating:9.8/10