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Last edited by D. Josey; August 8th, 2006 at 10:24 AM
Nice jovb here. The concept was original, and the wordplay and abstract description of things was really poetic which is always bonus points.. the vocabulary was nice, the descriptibve adjectives were the main gist of it, which is interesting, because it leads to a deeper and more imagery-ized(lol) piece. The rhyme scheme was nice, and the lines weren't too long. Great job here fella.
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I've seen your Om's but never your poems and I must say you don't disappoint. The imagery in this piece was really good and your metaphores were very relevant. The concept was very original and you stuck to it very well. I liked how you worded your lines it brought them alive to me like "But ibuprofen machismo took your heart?" The only thing that was great was the emotion, I don't know to me it seemed like it would be their and then just dissappear all of a sudden but then youd come back and put more emotion in and then fall off. Maybe it's me. Good rhyme scheme, not to hard but far from boring and plain so it kept me involved. Overall good drop, look forward to more.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=299966
^Now hit that up hoe
hey.
upping.
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Ya I see what you mean by simplicity, this was real nice. It had a few minor kinks in it, but overall I think I like this style from you better. The over the top vocabulary and stuff is cool, but you were kind of using it in excess, and when you have to work so hard to grasp the content you're reading it really takes away from the emotion of the piece. This wasn't full out simplicity, but rather a balance of extremes and for that it was a very eloquent and smooth read. Nice job man, if you've got AIM Pm' your screenname so we could set up a collab sometime.
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
I don't have AIM. Sorry. it's www.chatzy.com for me. Sorry.
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hey.
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man, this site be dead y0.
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Lol... how about you stop upping and respond to some other pieces.
po'ethics /
abstanticollective.
I tried that. It just doesn't fit me.Originally Posted by Myself
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Very good peice.. The wordplay was great. The flow and sructre was well done.
CAn you return the favor by hitting up Strange Light: Great Escape by Nash and Me.
~LeX
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