"Night"

[Blanco.]

Night


As the daytime falls, the moon rises
Everyone ready for the nights surprises
Streetlights turn on and brightly shine
Cars don’t pass as much due to the time
No more children playing in the street
The night is upon us, it’s so discreet
A street light flickers in the night air
This is the time for children to say prayer
Night grows old; to moon is no longer in view
Clouds can be seen, and the sky turns blue
The sun awakens from its nightly rest
Birds can be heard chirping from their nest

[debatE]

Ok for a poem.
The problem I found was you wern't being
as vivid as some poems are and it seemed
you tried to put more effort into rhyming
than adding imagery and vividness.
Still pretty good, but it was just
some constructive critizism for you.

[Blanco.]

Thanks

[soulstice.]

cool piece... good vocabulary and emotion
was there as well... the problem was the
length sort of set it back and made it
less detailed... decent piece though..
imagery was cool

hit up "The Eye"
also in poetic scriptures

[Blanco.]

Thanks

[Blanco.]

up.

[kid sick']

pretty much what debate said, put more imegrey in it, and dont really worry so much about the rhyming. It was decent though, just keep working on it, and writing.

[Blanco.]

thanks

[Blanco.]

Upping

[Blanco.]

upppppppppppppp

[Blanco.]

Upping.

["lil Neefy"]

pretty short but I can tell your new to poetry and you gave a good stab at it. Your best area was imagery by far. The whole piece painted out a nice picture for me. If you would have incorperated a more vivid vocabulary this would have been much better. Twist the ideas of your poems. Don't always just Title it something and then write exactly about that title. Give your poems flavor with things like that. I did like this though considering you appear to be a new poet. Just keep at it kid.

[Blanco.]

Thanks, and yeah this was my first.

[Queen_Icey]

this shit was super short as hell but it was all good though you brought out some tight lines to ya poem and your vocab wasn't bad neither i was feelin this more than what you had wrote in the OM section honestly you got potential in writing i gues it just depends on what subject you base it on when you write shit. if this wouldve been slightly longer i think you wouldve came with altogether good drop though