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Thread: ...writersBLOCK...

  1. #1
    demonseed
    Guest

    ...writersBLOCK...

    Smoke swirls the dark room...I sit.
    To obtain phoenetics, and make sure not counterfeit.
    Sipping slowly, tall glass of poison listerine.
    Recollection of fond memories..both dirty and clean.
    Taboo fascination, always seems to catch most eyes.
    But I only seek my outlet, not no special golden prize.
    I dont care for props, or legend dubs, or even badass replies.
    I care NOT to castrate weaker poet pens, that hatred I despise.
    When I stare into your pupil pits, I wish to see more than just your eyes.
    A switch change of flow, I know..i know...not too professional, or with class.
    But who really cares, as long as its REAL...inspiration dies out fast.
    Like BAseheads search far and wide, just to obtain that magic bump.
    Poets fall victim, now and then..to a mysterious mental stump.

  2. #2
    demonseed
    Guest
    lookin for feed

  3. #3
    i like that poem only cuz i hit thta damn slump so often anymore!! but yea you did really good it was a nice drop....



    if you get the chance hit up my poem the sequels end

  4. #4
    Only meant it if it hurt
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Posts
    611
    this is what I think. thought that the purpose of your poem was pretty clear and especially towards the end it got stronger. what I would work on is your use of explitives eg. "not no special golden prize" you could have said no golden prize and it would have flowed better. but keep at it 1
    <img src="http://rapbattles.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=13116&stc=1">



    Your face looks really nice today

  5. #5
    demonseed
    Guest
    thank ya!
    I willd effinately check u guys!

  6. #6
    Fear Before The March Foreshadow's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Location
    Portland, Oregon
    Posts
    3,107
    Battle Record
    8-8
    Some of the lines were worded wrong and if they were worded better this poem would have been alot better... The structure was a little shaky but you can alway fix that type of thing... Just come up with topics that arent played out...

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