Valentines Day Massacre

[Prince Escobar]

Da NFamous
Spoken O

Seldom heard is a heart stopped shards shattered
visions of glass stained pain reflected
deep breaths to tame the hectic learned the lesson
my chest expanded, lessens, a tear spreads like a flame
lining my eyelids time slid as my beat skipped
now in deep shit i proposed and yet the proposition is a secret
engaged your mind and body but in spirit i travel solo
rejection outweighs the fear of a gun words piercing my lungs
i got on bended knee offered eternity you dettered the question
i offered my position to have u in sickness in health
now you lay i pray for forgiveness but you are wicked as well
gave me a child when i wanted none but i embraced the labor
you faced me madly as i saw the face of Gabrielle escape your body
my child inhaled with my nose and saw light with eyes of her mommy
my love we lived together and my love blossomed like seeds risen from dirt
i kissed what hurt on you but you denied the pain to avoid my lips
at my wits end on which friend of mine did you drop a kiss?
deep throat whose slobbered dick, till a sperm shower sprayed your esophogaus?
i slowed your breath watched your chest heave
returned to my left knee and asked will you marry me?
your reply something seldom heard
you melded words and i listened intently
gently, to the sound of a heart stopped

As a child, I never smiled and didn't use colours
So now I smother my past aghast for a reason
For disappointment
I think my heart must have been double-jointed
Or my father left the family with the centerfold
Of my compassion
Passion has been asking into my life too long
I think you think that I think you won't relate
So I don't write this with a message
I'll draw you a portrait depicting my love
But the blood of being mutual only comes in
Black and white
Don't expect a card, because I won't select the right one
And you can't write me one, so don't ever fucking ask
For a poem
I keep it sacred, naked in truth, reality, and subtleness
‘Cause "lover's bliss" is just a figment of your imagination
But sure, we can hold hands
And keep ‘no man's land' for the impotent and religious
I have no image, no kind word, or prozac rhine curbs
I'm a rolling stone with no shadow
And I hate Valentine's.


1luv.

[blackmoon]

damn.......this is deep.. a poet's teary eyed for real. stay up/ peace & many blessings

[Dan Dare]

You both did a nice job.. but as you said, they don't merge well together. So I guess I'll critique them seperately.

DNF - I think you carried the topic well. I don't understand your complicated life completely yet, but I know enough to grasp parts of this. Well written, very vivid. You are very up front with your writing, that is your great strength. I guess everyone tells you that though.

Luke - Not the very best of seen from you recently, but you've been in a hot vein of late, so it's cool. You had some really smart lines, as usual, and it read nicely. Also, I would say that you've been listening to too much Saul Williams (lol), cause I can see that influence in this piece.

So yeah. This could have been better. Two authors I respect immensely, but the chemistry just wasn't quite there with this piece, I'm sorry to say.

[spokenoh]

Fuck you. Praise me.

[Prince Escobar]

^Always outspoken
elevation is key, 1luv.

[sNoopfox]

lol Spoken

[Prince Escobar]

^Naughty freeposter!

[Bruklor]

Nfamous' verse was amazing.

Lukage, this is actually the first thing I've read from you, and it wasn't the greatest. But, I took into consideration what Jek said (who's opinion I respect). Though, you shone with:

But sure, we can hold hands
&
I'm a rolling stone with no shadow

[spokenoh]

Fuck you. Praise me.

[Scarcasm]

fam- here's proof that you're shit still has knock. i didnt like the sperm shower line but beyond that I thought this was a banger.

SO- I trust Jek and he say's you're better than this, I haven't read your other stuff but regardless I'm impressed. i liked the voice you used towards the end of the poem but i thought you may have opened a bit weakly

[p O e T i Q u E]

fam-good as hell, as always!! lol Some parts i didn't get but give a guah credit its' 7 30 in da morn

so-i have seen better from you but it was still a good drop you did your thing had some good lines and errethang

It didnt' go that well togetha but hey it was straight doing yall thing keep droppin

[spokenoh]

I wrote my verse in ten minutes [/excuse]

Thanks for the replies, honestly.

[Prince Escobar]

^Agreed thanks for the replies, elevation is key, 1luv.