In The Garden

[Bruklor]

In The Garden

She wore a scarf in the garden
And sandals on the rocks
Burden of caution, with every step
The ice is scary, but so is thought
It seemed she arose from my dreams
And nightmares in this perfect terrace
She was stronger than I ever was
is.
In love, and slightly in danger
Both feet on the ground, but
One hand in my pocket

One end came to a point
The other two were round,
With a notch
And it beat the beaten path
She walked away from fate
On many occasions
It was his fault
But she knew fate wanted
Fate will not be drawn in pencil
Instead, set in stone
In this rock garden

[Foreshadow]

This was a nice poem.... It was very descriptive and it held my attention pretty well........ I like the way this didnt have a specific rhyme scheme and I think that it made this poem alot better.......... I havent seen any of your work so I was wondering if this was an alias or your coming back but I'm not sure who you are....... But this was a nice drop and I look forward to reading more.

[Bruklor]

self & Bruklor.
Only two names I've ever dropped under here.

And, Gracias.

I hate this poem, while I love it.

Far to personal.

"She asked if the verse was about her, I truthfully wished it was" - iCON the Mic King.

[spokenoh]

I am just going to assume there was no rhymescheme to this.

I kept trying to write a reply to this, I kept trying to put what I felt about this poem in words. I didn't particularly like it - I couldn't really relate. I debated with myself if it was intended meter, and if you wanted a rhymescheme. Anyways, some of the lines were good, but I didn't like the imagery, didn't appeal. I feel a lot of your lines were worded awkwardly, and your transition line-to-line was odd. Some lines were cool, the "fate" line and some of the witty metaphors. Imagery felt bland in my opinion, or to me anyways. Word choices seemed irregular, but writer's voice was there. Of course, the meter was off badly, but I don't know if this was a freeverse or blank verse. I am not saying it is bad, because it doesn't rhyme. I am not saying it is bad at all. I just didn't like it. Thanks for the look on mine.

Peace.

[Bruklor]

Damn newbie poets.

There is no rhymecheme. I like to not rhyme sometimes. I feel it can truly give a more mature feeling to the poem.
There was no imagery.

What do you mean by 'meter'?

[spokenoh]

You asked for a reply. There is no such thing as a "newbie poet". Just a poet.

[Dan Dare]

This was a fairly reasonable write.. Like Luke, I would say that while it wasn't necessarily bad, It didn't really 'catch me' as such. For completely different reasons though.

Meter = Basically a rhythm. It's to do with the number of stressed and unstressed syllables in each line. Ask someone to explain it properly to you, it will more than likely benefit you in everything you write. Although personally, I didn't feel the poem caught a bad rhythm. It was an easy enough read, I didn't find many problems with it metrically. It was your syntactical structures and haphazard wording that threw me. But maybe that was deliberate.

Either way, this was an interesting read. I liked the metaphorical content. It's good to see you active again on RB, after so much freeposting. :P By the way, I downloaded that track by Wilson Phillips. I didn't really like it much.

[Bruklor]

You asked for a reply. There is no such thing as a "newbie poet". Just a poet.

What I meant by that, young Lukey, is that you kept on mentioning the fact it didn't rhyme.

[Bruklor]

This was a fairly reasonable write.. Like Luke, I would say that while it wasn't necessarily bad, It didn't really 'catch me' as such. For completely different reasons though.

Meter = Basically a rhythm. It's to do with the number of stressed and unstressed syllables in each line. Ask someone to explain it properly to you, it will more than likely benefit you in everything you write. Although personally, I didn't feel the poem caught a bad rhythm. It was an easy enough read, I didn't find many problems with it metrically. It was your syntactical structures and haphazard wording that threw me. But maybe that was deliberate.

Either way, this was an interesting read. I liked the metaphorical content. It's good to see you active again on RB, after so much freeposting. :P By the way, I downloaded that track by Wilson Phillips. I didn't really like it much.

Thank you.

About the ‘meter’ thing, I’ve really never written with syllable count, or anything like that in mind.

I was debating with myself whether or not to post anything purposeful.

LOL. It's my nerdy taste in women on the mic, doing sappy songs. :P I remember that song from when I was younger though, that's why I love it.