Sufficient

[Swift Death]

Sufficient

each tear drop shed the light of a new day
glycerine trinkles of sadness and joy
a dry heav in the summer day, moisture
flourish on the withdraw of the breath

then a spark and the smoke moves
Passing through the willing trachea it is inhaled
With one final spin it would wind its way to the bronchi
The smoke whirling and diving into the lungs

then exhaled out into the crisp air
a contrast like ying and yang
counterbalacing the force
that would exterminate life need be

then we will be satisfied
with the balanced result
humans keeping population down
and increasing economy

[Devastator™]

This is clever...

each tear drop shed the light of a new day
glycerine trinkles of sadness and joy

I liked the way you put out a concept and then flipped it around into an imagery.

It sound as if you are saying in order to keep economic stability, the human population would require culling?

Nevertheless the vocab was very well crafted, the thoughts were easy to follow due to the way you structured it. Definitely worth a few minutes of my time to read.

[MythDirection]

i think you are right devaztate

he seems to be takling about smoking and hot it fuels economy and controls population at the same time

though i thought the last stanza was too obvious
no showing, just telling

it seemed like you did not want to finish a long poem so you opted for the short version

i suggest you reattack the ending maybe make two stanzas out of it

[Foreshadow]

This was a nice piece I was feeling this alot. You had some nice descriptions that I was feeling. Nice work its glad to see you dropping hottness each week twixn

[Swift Death]

thanks ... i appreciate the feed... drop links

[Swift Death]

up again?

[Meters]

I enjoyed this. I liked how you revealed more and more slowly rather than unveiling all upon first stanza. I liked to be eased into poetry, it makes me feel like i'm in the hands of a competent poet. The description of the smoke through the lungs seemed neutral and you described this well with the balancing force. Though the tone seems disapproving of the activity, it also seems somewhat neutral and accepting of the inevitability of smokers, addiction, economy, and population control (as stated in the last stanza)

Kind of a rushed explanation but that was my general feel of the piece. Keep doing it, mayne.