suicied... (very old poem)

[Swift Death]

suicied...

Was I bewitched so by the thin red line
To notice not that time released its hold
And let pale Iris snip the silver twine
To steal sweet youth before it turned to gold.
Existence now is not what I was told;
No seraphim and harps to grace my ear,
Just silence, painful silence, and the cold
Discomfort of my masochistic fear,
So icy cold, yet somehow seems to sear
My soul until the ache's too much to bare,
As mortal life mirages now appear:
Intangible are they; away they tear.
Mistake, it was; the curtain fell too soon
When razor's edge did charm me like the moon.

[demonseed]

good cut...
I liked it, had that Esham the Unholy feel.
Metaphors were reliant. You had it down there. I just hate when I do a piece similiar then get a loss..you managed not to have any signs of struggel through your vision. Ups/\

[poyzonivey]

I like this poem, its dark but not too dark and the rhyming and word choice is nice. It make me want to read it and try to figure out your meaning

[Foreshadow]

This was a good piece twixn.... I liked the metaphors in this piece.... I think that that was a high point in this piece and brought it together.... This was an old piece you said and you can see how much youve elevated.... nice work keep dropping.....

[Swift Death]

thanks for all the feed guys...

yah back in the day when rb was new to poetry this was a 9/10 peice heh.