(not a vet but ill give an opinion)
this was very well written. the combinations of your storytelling, imagery, and vocab made this piece worth reading. the imagery in the first stanza set the sceen. vocab throughout helped the flow. the structure was on point. what stood out to me the most was the storytelling. even though it was short you were able to get your point across.
favorite line(s) - "Just the emptiness of life
Time seems to fade like dust
With the immortal sound of tears"
nicely done