A Disciple's Thread

[A Disciple]

I chose Valhalla for the first write back pac refers to…

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Soldiers, that is what we are – who cares if they say we live our lives behind bars
Something unattainable can be obtained, for our seeds to be maintained
We give our lives too, and don’t judge a name of a man you never met
And in your heart, you feel the beat, a reminder to never forget
The double edged sword of master trickery – who can be him… You, me, or he?
To those who have fallen we tip our bottles in homage, a last piece of bread,
For an offering, a reminder on their grave stones instead.
We recognize eyes to distinguish our alibis
And we will tell lies if it confuse them with the truth
Tattooed and scarred - reminders of our troubled youth
We whisper in the whims of the night to each other
And no matter what - we stand brother to brother
We mastermind in dreams and send a glitter through the eye
While those un-afflicted sit back and judge us on why
Chained to a destiny with no way out but death
Loyalty sealed with confirmation of last breath
Adrenaline that runs so deep, sometimes for 24 hours
With appetites for destructio that slowly devours
In us, we never cower… true to thy selves we behold the ultimate power
The Vikings, they call it Valhalla, at the table where the Judaists break challah
It is a place where we are freed from persecution of who we are to be
Rewarded, cause in ourselves we stayed true… the ultimate test of loyalty.

[Pharaohs Army]

we've Got to be Tipsy
writing letters to Pac(,)& Nipsey
when i was on meds sometimes on the Sixty...eth..Hitta weed?
-i'd feel Noxious \ Dizzy
when i'm gone?
no1 'll Miss Me
so corny on my las' track i used the term "Blicky"
[o well it bangs. o well it bangs. that's y i talk so much shit!]
dear Pac,
once heard it described that Big rhymes from 'is nostrils,
Nas from his throat, but PAC?
from the Pit'v his Stomach!
in your roast i was Literally Fronting, but then-i-saw a psychic - whosaidyou'd probly "Become him"
in spirit
nothing coincidental:
all of us here-to share lyrics
differentMental states provide the colorful sand - With Which i play
...
most my friends moved outta town-or-state
couldn't wait around for a depressed economy
i'll just take a low-paying job and live comfortbly
abuse my system, write "frees" that are usually simple
the hardest drug i've ever used was 'phraseology'
now i do both - talk shit & "paint honestly"
but it can consume a bit if one becomes more than (just)a hobbyist
yeah (if i live) i'll tell my grandKids \ neices n nephews
I produced a handful of tracks - 3 or 4'v which i Consider Special [some not-yet|we in tha lab]
we in the lab exper-imenting w/ various collabs
and that's what the youth has2 look forward to
i didn't have $ to leave in my will - however i've lived multiple lives
-(i'm)not Easily Killed
not familiar w/ nipsey but we can See how it Spills?
fuck that psych floor Discip - those ppl make it WORSE
every1 is WORSE
my empathy on Full Throttle as i feel bad for these ruined lives
i'm "not(quite)asbad as them", perhaps a role-model
i'm a friendly guy who gets more out of any shrink - Than they'd get outta me? Lol
yeah
"friend session" and the1 i liked retired
that why i come on "the wire" to be roasted
masochistically these textstylers motiv
-ate me-
been described as an adolescent mentality
too bad they don't see, i feed their readings--
w/ my technical specialties~
====

ending, last few lines need re-wording for sure.
may b back l8er

[Pharaohs Army]

=================================================
Beat for the "emo-feels" if you want it....
Shall we see what comes of it?

(no rhymes to start - a note not a verse)
Writing is the ultimate equalizer.
Requires nothing more than a pen/paper or an internet connection/keyboard.
That's why anyone can do it, but not anyone can do it "well".
I am a fairly humble guy in real life.
Writing/textstyle/rapping I let the ego take over.
We all know about that process...well almost all of us...if you stay in ONE lane all your writing life, one tone, one style, one theme....EVEN IF IT's "GENUINE"...you are not expanding your horizons or exploring your environment.

Forget that emo beat right now, I'm sick of it from days prior
THIS SHIt.....ohhh old youtube classic over a decade old
Instrumentals allow me to take over the world.
Mixers and producers/ beat-makerz are the true glue that holds together the house of cards that is an emcee's being.
====
When I worked at a Newspaper over 15 years ago...?
Deadlines.
Writing/editing
MOSTLY TAKING CALLS FROM COACHES, AND REPORTS / STATS (sports section)
What a prick of an old-school boss,
that's okay he was usually hands-off,
unless you fucked up!...then you're into his office with his.....just that droopy/swollen alcoholic face...there's a term for it
U know those (usually)older guys that you just know r raging alkies...
anyway
fucked up once or twice; got over it
YEAH FOR MINIMUM WAGE BASICALLY I'LL SLAVE FOR THE SPORTS DEADLINE
Connect w/ coaches act like i care about girl's tennis tourneys and who the fucking scholastic athlete is or what their stats were...
One night Kobe dropped 81
in PORTLAND lol west coast
so sports staff had to stay mad late
...arrogant prick of a (DIFFERENT) boss...
not my boss; he was more of the boss for the "real" established writers/ where I'm just a new staff guy
ANyway, at the time our local minor league baseball team was the "draw",,, i donno,, for a few hundred young parents who want a hot dog and risk a foul-ball liner into their kid's jaw....
THIS IS BEFORE TIM TEBOW CAME AND PLAYED HERE; THAT WAS MUCH MORE RECENTLY LOL
Anyway this hotshot
Older than me but still a middle-age NOT old yet...ehhh late 30s early 40s
He just knows so much yeah he was a dick
But knows so much
Everyone's busy with Kobe's 81 so
Spotlights on me for this BIG "minor league" baseball write up lol
My moment to shine right
THEY CUT THAT FAT AT PAPERZ U KNOW, (BEFORE they all died and replaced by online periodicals)
Cut that fat. Cut that fat.
I tried to cut the fat but I admit the opener was a little flowery.
Anyway, he wasn't mean to me, for once in his life
Didn't talk down to me TAUGHHHHT me, about how to write. An article.
Not for fun. For a fucking deadline to be published for thousands of readers.
I don't even remember the specifics of the article.
Yeah; community college you learn "Pyrmid scheme"
i learned on my fucking own : DON'T BE FUCKING CLICHE, particularly on the opener
Never never

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This is in no way a comment about your verse. That was done (loosely) on the previous freestyle...

That being said, if there were any flaws in your verse I thought it was, in fact, the opener...being slightly cliche...but hey if that's what u wanna SAY/ what has to be said. then w/e. fine.
STARTING AT LINE 5 I THOUGHT MAN, PRETTY DOPE SAUCE..
I have said a lot, so will quote it and leave the blog back to you now. (your blog lol)~ goodnite

I chose Valhalla for the first write back pac refers to…

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Soldiers, that is what we are – who cares if they say we live our lives behind bars
Something unattainable can be obtained, for our seeds to be maintained
We give our lives too, and don’t judge a name of a man you never met
And in your heart, you feel the beat, a reminder to never forget
The double edged sword of master trickery – who can be him… You, me, or he?
To those who have fallen we tip our bottles in homage, a last piece of bread,
For an offering, a reminder on their grave stones instead.
We recognize eyes to distinguish our alibis
And we will tell lies if it confuse them with the truth
Tattooed and scarred - reminders of our troubled youth
We whisper in the whims of the night to each other
And no matter what - we stand brother to brother
We mastermind in dreams and send a glitter through the eye
While those un-afflicted sit back and judge us on why
Chained to a destiny with no way out but death
Loyalty sealed with confirmation of last breath
Adrenaline that runs so deep, sometimes for 24 hours
With appetites for destructio that slowly devours
In us, we never cower… true to thy selves we behold the ultimate power
The Vikings, they call it Valhalla, at the table where the Judaists break challah
It is a place where we are freed from persecution of who we are to be
Rewarded, cause in ourselves we stayed true… the ultimate test of loyalty.

[A Disciple]

Then the next letter back?


They’re so selfish, like life is all about them… Dear M,

Even though I know this letter will never reach you
I just wanted to let you know you’ve been on my mind…
Not because of who you became and what I feel is due
Just to let you know the comfort in the memories that I still find in you,
Sitting here reminiscing of the days I wish I could rewind
Like playing football in the rain, But…
The echoes of laughter then, they now drive me insane
It dangles like a noose suffocating my brain

C

I know, and I get it… cause I seen it all before
Now that everyone can see the majesty that I saw so easily saw
You couldn’t decipher truth from a whore
The last time I saw you the elevation thru exhilaration as I witnessed your hesitation
Then after the love that we made you said no more
It stabbed me with a pain deeper than the 8 swords my tarot predicted
And ever since then my world became kind of shifted…
I want you to know that I don’t blame you,
I know you were preparing me for a lie you knew we couldn’t get thru

C … Do you hear me crying?

I wasn’t too young to understand it when but then came the next loop to the bend
The one to pick me up from the fall couldn’t face the order too tall
And the one who was truly true became victim of how evil these streets can do
As I witnessed the sentence served of 22
What? Am I supposed to watch the unpredictable of now and how he gonna end up just like you
Or just deal with the real of the reality set forth in realization of my own true? (it was always you)
As we rise and we fall we have roads set forth to beat
As I sit here fingering the outline of my scars again humbling myself to the defeat
And as my own story unfolds, I wish I stuck up for us then just to warn you
But all I could do was cry and spit lies just to scorn you
I know now you did what was best for me, but the test couldn’t invest in the rest I’d see

__________________________

And on a personal…

I never made love ever again,
It was more like we was in Cesar’s war and I became that opposite whore just trapping a friend
I’m scared now that my ice has melted and I’m not sure where this leaves me,
Just figured out I’d reach out to the one that always felt it and was 3 steps before what I could see
And… I pray this letter reaches you in time, it feels like years left of my own sentence
Yet they never told me my own crime as they whisper all in due time
I didn’t come here to remind you of the pain that you caused when you left me too
More like I finally remember what I blacked out and how now even though it’s harder than ever…
I’m always admiring and praying for you – What’s love got to do with it?
But you still can’t see what we all do so plainly – put down your guns and just realize who’s true
And maybe then you’ll see what real love in form of agape can do.

I hope I can help snap you back too…. I’ll always love you.

Sincerely… Me, C

Shutter Island… then I realized it was me!

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[Pharaohs Army]

I never made love ever again,
It was more like we was in Cesar’s war and I became that opposite whore just trapping a friend
-Disciple

dope couplet Discipe...fire end rhyme + 3 quick internalz.

[Pharaohs Army]

FOUUUUUUND ITTTTTT
My favorite Pac song EVER.... by far.... There are 3 diff versions of this!!!! There is a studio, an alternate, and this demo.
I like this demo the BEST.
Raw. I do not believe the studio beat does the raw lyrics justice.

Full disclosure @disciple , I admittedly do not listen to Pac that much.
BUT, have in the past and am familiar with at least a decent portion of his library.
As I grew up, I just used to play other artists more often/on repeat....more East than West coast...but, I have a wide rap pallet,
EXCEPT that Chris Brown track you linked. Just can't stand that shit (but your verse that it inspired was fine).
Anyway, every verse is good, particularly for what? mid-90s over 25 yrs ago!

[A Disciple]

Shit we old like that LoL

I didn’t get introduced to pacs music until like 2007

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Well I knew a song here and there but it was the first time I heard a direct shot and started to listen

[Pharaohs Army]

You tried to make a disciple commit suicide?

everrr so slightly carefully in a self roasting way. Making fun of self at same time like. Two crazies meet on the streeet. Like. Two siblings who joke dark. Throw darts initially aiming for the mental health. Then u claps hands hug and start the healing. Revealing journals of feelings. Where the dark roast was just the intitiation initial meeting.
Nevvvr that. Su icide?Not a foolish guy’ or gal. Said Guru.

@A Disciple
"I do hope to help mental illness victims"
NO, hun.
Stop. We are to "work on" ourselves. You SHOULD help mental illness victims, but JUST ONE yourself.
You have your own goals, as you say. Your own (and your bfs) obstacles.
THE BEST WAY TO HELP OTHERS MENTAL HEALTH VICTIMS IS TO FOCUS ON YOURSELF SO YOU SET THE EXample aND ARE HEATLHY URSEELLLFFF. LIVING LIVE

A former HS grad I had worked at a school 10+ years ago... .Recovered Heroin/opiate addict...clean for a while now and inspring others just by SAYING it on her lame/heroic facebook posts.

So...yeah...do not fuckin worry aobut the community of crazies -- 45% of which would USE U IN A HEART BEAT DIscIP LOL
not me, u lucky u got me here
Self-brag over jus worry bout yourself
SET example
As i will also try hun; bye~

p.s. glad u posted a The Game link!

[A Disciple]

Pac keep coming out with the hot ish… I think I need to write and just blog and get it out… all the real shit and figure out snake rat gun mean to me

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Well that’s kinda funny cause me and my bf both faced institutions…. Me mental and he was in jail 25 years so like… yeah what you quoted they probably are gonna say… that’s what I tell him and what I mean when I say we just have to make sure we doing better then them and that’s enough for me.

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At times dating I feel and felt so stupid dating like a sucker for love. 2 guys played the shit out of me and it makes me sick I ever sweated them to begin with. So me and my bf both on this weird shit you see unfold in front of you. The Hail Mary the say goodbye and apologize et Al. And even though we both scared of the freaky shit - not really cause it’s different with him and me then with anyone else and it feels like a Christmas carol movie with the 3 ghosts walking and looking thru my past…. Trying to figure out who I am now as the result

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“Leaping… jump after jump off of instinct… but they can’t understand a life when you’re not even given the chance to think”

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My bf doesn’t want the attention… but we or he has a story to tell too!

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Yeah pac and 50 like the only 2 that can make me smile like that lyrically

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All the craziest and live insanity breaks… like how do I respond to that?

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I know I got to read what pharaoh said but right now I’m so busy I just need to air shit out

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94? I became a soldier 2/4/95… I was only 16

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And them witches demanding? Is disrespecting me and my religion only I don’t know how to make them just leave and leave me alone

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Mental is a bitch but I’ve learned some tricks like how to remain calm in a drill (too hard to explain right now)

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But that’s what really got my attention - the cover of before I self destruct

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He looked like I felt one day when I first got sick…

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There’s a lot I don’t know… trying to study and learn too

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Well… it’s the path I walked into - so yeah it why I love hip hop cause I can relate!!!

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The middle part…

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My bf thought he heard someone scream my name the other day when we were driving

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It’s like a zone I’m getting used to again… but when you believe heavy in mind over matter and then you lose your mind? Like…

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Pac… I’m not gonna say he can leave now (ie who ever drove me bat shit crazy) I’ll try to respect him but someone’s been disrespecting me on a spiritual level bad still.

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Me and my bf are planning to get engaged this year but plan on a 8 year limit. He’d probably even be livid I said that but I wanted you to know that so far it really is mostly perfect… and we each have brand new foundations to build.

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So on this writing like I really do pray we all can make something of it

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I do hope to help mental illness victims

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Goals… I want my bf to adjust in peace and comfort too…

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Build together

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@pharoah yeah I’m vintage now LoL but… I rather help them cope then brings wars you know?

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LMFAO at the Lexus part

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It was there waiting, running, full of cash and cell phone. But I started to come to and realized they kill crazy people down south at airports one incident and knew I wouldn’t make it all the way back up 95. So like freaked out like what did I do? But when you’re running for what you think is your life… like you surprise yourself what you can do…

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And angels set the path too… like it feel like all this fucked up shit happen

[A Disciple]

I left the money alone I swear it’s why he didn’t press charges but the state did anyway… they have to

[A Disciple]

The little old ladies? (Angels)

It started back in 95 and I heard someone screaming help in the parking lot. I was too scared to look but no one else would help and she was screaming for like 10 minutes… so I finally got the courage to look and she was next to a blue car with the back tire over her foot. So I jumped in and moved the car and she was so mad she didn’t say anything and just took off… I call her old lady blue

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I know some feel I’m not good enough or wonder why I am here… but I’ve grown so much and as much as we fight I’m just happy their back and humbling myself so we can all just get along!

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I’ve never been so relieved as to when I saw one yesterday… I was just telling my bf I can’t ever say it’s over and I’m safe and it will never happen again cause almost like every time I do or think that I get hit again…

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The poor tortured soul fight? Like do it and go thru it yourself… you just sat there and did nothing too… at least I helped and moved the car… you know… and that’s how I felt and was so mad

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Like it felt like tortured soul was just a word to them they say so easy and I was put thru a bell so deep for no reason that some nights I’d fall asleep praying for death instead

[A Disciple]

I am thanking God for my bf tonight… I ran out of school crying tonight and he got me thru it and after I was smiling again he yelled at me and told me to grow the fuck up and it made me laugh. He’s going thru some hard times adjusting but we had a burn the ski mask ceremony today. No matter how hard it get he promised to stay out of trouble and do this shit the slow legal way. He’s been my angel and I can’t make it without him.

Like most bf or friends that betrayed me did it like what? And still so privy to act like they have the right to be discussed. I’m not feeling my best mentally lately but have the drs tomorrow. REALLY scared they gonna change my meds - it’s a living hell until they find the right one and dosage. I just don’t want to lose the foundation I’m starting to build again.

And like…

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In a fucked up day I am grateful to be grateful tonight despite…

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When it’s bypothetical… yeah but throw in the extra and pressure - hell no

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“Standing toe to toe thinking firend or foe” he gonna get me my body and religion back too. He even said how is if religion and I’m like it’s my body and soul - how is it not?

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Mother fuckers just can’t demand to change your religion though… combined with the level of disrespect too?!?!? What they even doing here again?

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Is it my pyre doing it?

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Pac know what I be talking about… I just havent understood why yet. But I take the blessing! But Big is huge in it too… I dismiss most of his stuff so much cause I used to be criminal minded and I’m not trying to get people in trouble… it’s not my M O

[A Disciple]

The earth shattering… like being buried alive shaking so much you crack the earth

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Horrible fate… I pray I don’t get it

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And put respect back on our name

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That’s what it felt like in mental…

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One of the MANY nightmares I’ve had…

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I’m going to bed…

[A Disciple]

I feel you pharaoh but I swear to God they really purge our medical files after 7 years, don’t talk to each other and when you move back or try to get the same dr they won’t take you back… so seeing as though crazy people blow shit up I really feel it needs stricter laws and regulations… it’s a public threat besides the fact we all aren’t like that. I want to get better too and they don’t even try to fix us… they just wanna mask our systems until eventually they lock us all away

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BTW… my boyfriend gave me a promise ring today as an early bday gift and I’m just so happy and content. Got a 95 on my test at school and like… it’s days like today I need to and want to remember. I feel like Ice cube… “Today was a good day”

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PS Suicide is HIGHLY illegal… I got brought to that level more then anyone should have to… but it’s selfish as fuck… it doesn’t make it better… you prolly really do go to hell… and it just gives the pain to the people who did and do love you. Suicide? Never that and if they ever say that it’s murder - I would personally never

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I know my ex is prolly blasting this song



So I wrote back…

[A Disciple]

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He got beat down… I was cutting it… I went to the spot and shot it up with a paint ball gun (the wall)

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We were broke up and the crack well I didn’t realize he was until way later and he was never even a factor anyhow

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I don’t know if I have a daughter… I don’t remember

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Like… I always took it as Hollins checking in but don’t want to exploit him or that cause I don’t know how he feel about me… you know?

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Nah we not down south

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And my older brother taught me to fight my own battles… but I’m sure he got my back

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Yeah… for 3 days I cried

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The 3? I’ll be honest I don’t know… it makes sense but everyone say no and my scars are gone!

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The shoe… LoL not as easy as with yours but I’m getting my instinct back!

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Yeah we promised and going real slow and steady…

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Nah you did me wrong… you literally killed me and I’m just STARTING to get better again. We good, we great!

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I have addictive nature, impulse tendencies, and poor money managing when in this one certain zone… trying to figure out how to cut it

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He’s got a lot to deal with too…

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But we both on our way to our best I pray… cause like

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We earned it and he paid his debt… and took it like man even though he wasn’t yet. Hell yeah I love him!

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I’ve always been scared of moms… idk if she gonna like me! Especially the way I came in…

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I trust it and I trust him

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And when I get scared I have a ring to remind me I can trust him…

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I didn’t die… and like… I just don’t want a repeat cause like. Dating fierce these days… I don’t know her… I don’t wanna be mean… I show respect for him. I’m not trying to play or humiliate her either I’m just being real and selfish these days. I can breathe again it can’t be that wrong especially since he’s not married. Be sure of your path… I just don’t want to be the wrong thing

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I know it’s why I never got my family… but they here now (that’s how safe it feel)

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She got her name by the game
But shawty don’t be loving them if they lame or the same
Don’t walk down what you want her for
Cause shawty def insane - she’ll go on another tour and throw you so far you wanna change your name
What you was loving her for?
Her man is out… you can stop talking and walking about cause truth is
She didn’t cheat on you or on you and in over 10 yrs there only been 2
I suppose that means a welcoming committee
But truth be told I’m not that popular in my city
But yeah… I likes a lot of diddy
But when big return that’s when they gonna be acting shifty
So you was saying what to who
And who knew me I never met but still it’s true
Fuck your rumors and let’s figure this out… cause I’m just so happy I’m not alone anymore cause my man is out

That’s what I wrote to she belong to the game…

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If I did I never knew it…

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And nah they ain’t depicting me