PAC I’ll stand with you…
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In regards to pain… Jesus said share it
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Yeah… I’m a try to play it to sleep…
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They have me so sliced esteem wise idek if I can go back to Zumba or belly dance or a lot of things
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CLA919
First track about the work verse… NOT AT ALL! I was fighting physical and mental pain every night for hours for over a year. Would get hardly any sleep and go, was getting anxiety attacks every morning cause I knew everyone hated me for calling in so much. I held on as long as I could but when I made that mistake I said nah and it was mutual - they saw it too!!!
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And it started the day I typed die to myself at work when KEVIN came back around!!!!
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And they moved and were over an hour away…
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I called my mom and ran out of work crying because I knew they were back
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As far as writing? I do the shit for free… it’d be nice if I was good enough to get paid for it!
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Domesticated ironically I felt like i HAD to stay cause of 2004 nightmare… if I fucked up I’ll stand, that’s what I get, play with fire and get burnt… HE BROKE UP WITH ME I AM FREE! So what’s the problem and why am I in the zone again?
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I don’t wanna talk about my parents… I loved them both but I can see how someone would see like that of what I wrote…
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Love them both*
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I wanted to read 🎼 “I tried” under cla919 but it’s locked up?
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CLA919
It’s not my religion to go to pray and hear them though… how does that NOT happen?
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CLA919
Yo just stop fucking with my electronics too…
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CLA919
Just did my tarot and it reminded me of one of my first pieces ever… to Jay Zs Song Cry
Song Cry
I think back to the time when we first met…
I remember every moment, I can never forget.
We fell in love that night, laying, staring at the sky
Who ever thought me and you would be the ones to say goodbye.
And at the time with all the things I was going through…
You just stole my diary, stole my heart, and made me part of you.
You introduced me to a life that helped me to find a way…
And from that moment on - every day for you I would pray.
Every struggle I felt, every hit I took with you,
But now that you’re gone, I don’t know what to do.
Sometimes the pain would take me to my knees…
I’d just look back up to the sky crying and begging the Lord please.
With you, I’d always compete.
I’d ask - you’d say no - I find it my way - then repeat.
It seems like we were so damn happy when we were building
But not everything that glitters is gold, sometimes it’s just gilding.
hook
In the beginning, all the girls, I really and truly didn’t care.
Because those bitches didn’t have shit on us, and of that, I was well aware.
But then it, they, them, it all became too much…
I became jaded and my emotions became out of touch.
I have never been as much of a soldier, as I been, when it came to me and you…
With you by my side, there wasn’t a god damn drill I couldn’t get through.
I’d give my life for you, for this game, but it wasn’t ever returned…
How many times were you all gonna sit back and watch as I got burned?
Well now I’ve learned…
Even to this day, sometimes I forget who I am, without you…
But I know it’s not reciprocated so what was a girl supposed to do.
I sould, with every memory scorched and scarred on my back
Clear minded I planned a style of attack
hook
At first I called you when I saw them outside; I needed help, now I need to know why
You left me with the decision get robbed, go to jail, or die.
I chose to do the laundry because at least the decision was mine.
But I can’t believe of all people YOU were the one to put me on that line.
Round two, no more me and you, I thought I found a love that was true
I jumped all in, put the dice on the table, with the strength to be Cain willing and Able
Game day came, same circumstances,
Knowing there were no more second chances
This time I stood firm with the eyes in back of me
Cause a promise is kept with a breath that was taken from me
But I am not going to sit here and cry. Not one more fucking tear…
Cause with me and you gone, I swear to fucking god I have not left one more fucking fear.
“They say when a good girl goes bad she is gone forever” I say...
A good girl can never be bad… even if she try it’s over a man that she never even had.
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CLA919
Thanks Dis!!Originally Posted by A Disciple
One of my boys used to call me that cause I’d always put it on and fix my make up after we smoked. And yeah I never did more than that either… all my jerks to crack or lies or stds and what ever were for how and why would they say that…
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God must’ve told me when I heard the 3 bangs and like if they wasn’t so involved in my wake up to begin with like that and then what ever game they running rounds on or what ever… it’s the spiritual shit that offends me the most and pinning me in the name of God like they my God and they not.
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I want my position back!
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Why I say god and I have to hear that maggot say forgive me? We don’t share my body or soul, we don’t pray together, and you never even asked… you not my man, we never messed, so how I bow to or listen to you and someone like you to even begin with?
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Everybody is lying by omission to me and nah I’m not a liar like that at all… just confused
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Like one of my old NF friends just requested me… should I delete it first?
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OMG SHE WAS THERE!!! I had the knife in my hand when T did that…
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I don’t like the glasses and I CANT STAND the blurry vision �� this ugly and pretty thing… like… that’s not what we are about either. It’s like you heard of us and try to mimick getting it all wrong and confused. It may SOUND the same but it’s way different and like… stop popping my ear and get off my body - idk who sold me to you but I never was for sale
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It’s real easy… it’s called you done enough and just LEAVE bitches… the closest ones to me at that
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I’m 43 years old and can make MY OWN decisions… ESPECIALLY SPIRITUAL!!! nah I’m not perfect but I’m not going to be abused by strangers in the shade on my body popping game making ME look so guilty or stupid. I’ve grown up a lot and worked hard on my self and my soul! You not going to do this to me and force me to be some design a bitch build a bitch type bitch. … I don’t want them here or near at all!!!!!!!! I don’t care how much they swear it’s about them too!
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I’m not the one being sick, obsessed, or selfish - and definitely not the one being calculated either.
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I used to tip toe when I did coke so I wouldn’t wake the people underneath me…
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Like I don’t understand what happened when I came home from Norwalk and everything was just switched around like that and I’m in a STRAIGHT HELL beyond comprehension with the level of disrespect UNREAL!!!!!
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It’s easy it’s called just LEAVE BITCHES!!!! It’s not in my nature or culture to share my body with spirits this way that think they own it as much as me. They’re abusive, it makes me unstable and sick, forcing me to be on a side with people I refuse to stand with or for. It changes my nature, it changes my religion, they block and lie to my family and I’m dead tired of it all for real.
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How and why am I breathing like some heathen for real… get them fucking off me!!!
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I can’t stand the blurry vision or glasses and I refuse that too!
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I woke up and realized it was facts…
Now what ever the fuck happened to me everytime I even come close to or refuse to let go of my own family and ties is just insanity in itself. It’s like they keeping me locked in some hell with them w a god really co-signing it too. I’m trying to maintain and just can’t in their or that environment. Maybe it’d be different if I was some 8 year old talking to my imaginary friends. LIKE WHO THE FUCK TAPPING BEHIND MY KNEE RIGHT NOW!!?!!!?
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A bunch of strangers on my body in the name of god KNOWING I’m a rape victim. How the fuck you think I feel like with abusive strangers tapping my body? And the one I can deal with im not even sure of any more behind the principal. I thought it was god not some low level drs confusing and abusing me!
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You know how out of shape I am right now too?!???? How that happen dr?!!???
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Why that happen dr?!?????
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I’m throwing my butt shot up on Twitter right now so you can see it yourself
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Listen witch and this is to your entire family too… MY GOD WILL GET YOU BACK FOR ME! You’re not a factor in my life or my story and never will be again. I’m writing you out of it!
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Please get off and let me get back to MY religion and family… NOT YOURS
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You stupid as fuck if you were lying to the feds and using them to help you too! LMMFAO
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Why were you laughing in that video when you went behind them right around the triangle sign? I’m a triangle and with all the lies and shit I wouldn’t be surprised if only 5 were on my side.
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“Found out you was a tattoo… went from I love you to I don’t even like this bitch” I was laughing my ass off and to “leave me alone” too and like why can’t I just recover and laugh and be safe again?
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“Bitch you dumb as fuck running out the bucks” LOL
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Cameron’s voice… I like the remix version but did dude say “I don’t recall” after they say people get shot every day B
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Nah I recall but not until like 6 months later…
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everything’s so confusing, you don’t know what to do
And you’re trying to find someone who can relate to you
The colors are so vivid but then you see through their eyes
And then the time passes by and you start to realize
You’ve been beaten but not broken and all the words that can’t be spoken
And there hanging their token like a mascot, but that’s all that they got
And you’re so tired of hearing it’s your last shot
Cause you don’t know who you are but you know what you’re not
And Your laying on your back staring at the clock, it’s been 3 hours and it’s 2am on the dot
“So cradle your head in your hand”
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THIS was the only thing I wrote about her I believe
It was 9am when I called her crying on the phone; rare but with season
I was saving it for my husband I don’t know how; it’s my fault I blacked out
But back then if I only known, he knew where to hit because of her treason
Just now I lost the potential 5th best friend – for them doing the same thing
So my send back is to take it back, my wish you’d finally get your ring
“Hippocrates – you all are here for the very same reason”
It was to breathe 2am
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Because the 8 kids, he caught my ass I was saving to be cute that my husband gets something no one else has, and his social… I figured it’s what I get for talking to the devil back then to find out it was only witches. I thought I had to stay with him. But he broke up with me thank god and nah I never did jump back in or want to go there
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Move-8 kids cause I was die for child promise and wanted to raise mine too-Hollins/Cheryl
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His social…
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He had 7 at the time and I laughed at my 1 like well that’s what I get too… but to be free and released and still caught up in some bull shit is confusing
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I’m actually grateful cause I DESPISE ANAL it’s painful as all hell and gross to me. I get sick to my stomach - so imagine if I did marry someone who liked it? My husband would have to hate anal as much as me!!! Cause never again for real…
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Why does it feel like them bitches holding on so hard and refuse to let go or stop?
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What does my life have to do with bitches I haven’t spoke to in like 10 years?
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But it really is haunting me… hearing or feeling like them literally while my ear pops and the abuse and all… or even sounding like their family too. I didn’t do you wrong… I was always in your best interest and I was SO grateful I never had to forgive you ever again.
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PLEASE LEAVE
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The word in lights… I mean you taking to the devil you just have to expect that and work around. Round 2 there wasn’t a work around so I dropped out. TO ALL THIS SINCE 2014?!???? Who for real right now?
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And why everything so secret too?!??! Like why nobody even came or spoke to me?
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I’m just running around being persecuted blaming mental illness thinking my 3 seeds got in trouble and they got thrown out of heaven that he was so real… to 2022 - I’m not ever having kids now… I’m too old and too sick and you ran around wasting all my time for what?
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I’m sorry… did I do something to you?
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I got shot and get more regular than ever and still you run out my clock or make me sicker than I ever been to too
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Every birthday wish since I was 15… now I might have mines here and you STILL blocking? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?
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And you think it’s just a game?
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I’m not even sure if that’s my daughter or not!! Like your young is a primitive instinct every animal on earth has… you can’t even think unless you know they ok
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Or at least what happened…
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Like I don’t want this artificial world where I’m forced to kiss my hands or stare at myself in the mirror never looking so ugly before!!! Feeling like everybody BUT myself going thru Bipolar mood swings is enough now you wanna throw me extra?
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Why is it about them and their family instead of mine?
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And if that’s what’s up and what it is I would forsake my own creed… over my dead body will I have anything to do with them bitches again
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It literally feels like they attached to my soul and I feel more like other people than I do myself and it’s too much on me
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For almost 10 years now they refuse to take no for an answer and give me back my body
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I don’t want to live or share it like this…
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It’s a god it’s just not mine
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I don’t want any bitch on this earth part of me or my soul… when my if I have a daughter does it it feels natural not abusive, oppressive, and gross
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It’s been a long time ���� I’m surprised I made it… you know closing my eyes letting go of the wheel to look for angels I spun out in front of a tractor trailer and it missed me by an inch? 04 and it’s why I hate the zone so much…
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No thank you I don’t want it… it was all hypothetical
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Just trying to figure out how I’m the one sitting here like this still
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Fact… thee was a I don’t know what you call it but like a Tom cat tractor next to me after i was gang raped in myrtle beach too! What the FUCK is going on for real?
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And they’re still here talking about fuck pyre? Nah bitches… nah
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Pee on my bed wires in my plants, up and down the east coast and like
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Delete my IG it only enforces not a matter for the police even more… I’m not saying I know how to resolve it but it starts with protecting me, my family, my body, my religion, my environment, and my creed first
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God has courts too… I’m not sweating it
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Stop popping my ear… why do you do so WHEN YOU KNOW I DONT EVEN LIKE YOU?
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How you on my body in the name of my god to even fucking begin with?
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I saw the 212 number next to my bed in the hospital when I woke up except I couldn’t figure out how to dial the phone
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And I didn’t even write a suicide note to begin with so you can imagine how over all this I am
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I was fine… minding my own business… back to work… started exercising then here you all come again to knock me down. WHY? FOR WHAT?!??! I can’t even be happy with a low level job or try to get a life back?
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Disability STILL hasn’t answered… yeah my dream really is to make $800 a month… FOH
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EVERY BREAK DOES BRAIN DAMAGE… you don’t even care or take that into consideration?
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If I wanted a life of disability I would’ve taken my long term when GSK offered me it at 80% of my salary
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I’m not that bitch… I loved my career
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I’m so fucked it’s not even funny and then my mom left to finance it all? I’m trying.. I’m fucking trying I fucked up a copy and paste at my last job interview
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I don’t know what to do for real…
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I’m up all night being tapped and pinned and sleeping all day and I can’t stand it
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Mental illness is hard enough without some assholes deleting my IG like it’s some joke
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I don’t have time to sweat a bunch of predators… I just want peace and comfort in my own body and environment and try to get to my best again
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I was talking about being a mom… I wanted to raise my own until they were in elementary school I don’t like day cares… I would’ve lived broke to do that. You see any babies here?
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What I want to do now? Sleep 2am - 10:30am… get dressed every day… make sure my bed is made and room is clean… help my mom with the house… SUPPORT MYSELF… laugh and have fun… see turquoise water… be able to pick out which car I want to drive again that day… get my body back… write and get paid for doing something I love again
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Hit off my true 3 friends for being loyal
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Get my body back and make the faggott stop popping my ear!!!!!
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I want to know who is on my body and why
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Did you see get a man anywhere on that list?
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I remember the tug of war… pac I still trust you even though you can disable me by accident too
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I’m someone’s virgin… I trust him too but they won’t let me get there either pac
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The red spider… yes probably… I was writing it prolly was manny that was gonna flow. Or any of like my 5 friends that I knew was good enough
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I’ll show you on twitter
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Forget it I don’t want to post my diary but I have like mad different handwriting
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That’s what I noticed when I read pacs book
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Nah he was like a little brother I never got to have… we was mad cool and I was writing in his rhyme book one day just flowing idk what was said but no shots were ever taken at anyone
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Yup I was writing the one I wrote to nas song when he called me he was around again too when I was on the site
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I was still friends with them bitches cause I didn’t get the seconds and clicks back and never realized what them bitches were doing to me
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I started writing to big and our computer broke back then and we had to get a new one
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Like December 04
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Nah I’m hardly violent… when they beat up ced o shot up the wall where with a paint gun to warn them but I know nobody has my back like that anymore
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Being confused and scared I quit ibm March 17 2005
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And then they just left me alone
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“Told dream to leave them sheets alone” I was having a bad day, heard something and frisbeed the cd out my window… I used to do that a lot but nah and everyone know I’m not like that
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CREAM*
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Muffy… but only my gma call me that
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I respect a lot but I just want to talk to my family first
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I heard it and I slammed on my breaks on a divided highway type WTF
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“Can’t spell so I lost my mind” started spelling everything ou and went to London and like… I just want MY spirits back and not all this hate and craziness and sick shit
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“Call security cause the bitch stole me” there’s a million reasons why I love hip hop too and I’m lucky cause I even love the new shit
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I just wanna laugh and be safe and be all me again
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And get them bitches out my life once and for all
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Stepped on a land mine buddy and I’m sorry but thank you too
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Up and down the east coast like hell beyond my worst comprehension when I thought I was finally out and it was over
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Why them bitches even here though?
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Stop popping my ear and get off my body please
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I thought it was my pyre pac in the beginning
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Our way their way.. wtf am I even a dual diagnosis to even begin with?
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Like how I become some low level bitch that any creeper can sleep… like how he took and showed me that pic. Like I already knew asshole and as long as it took to trust you too to remind me it still might or can might still be going on?!!?!? Like how I get my god and my body back AND KNOW nobody can do that shit to me ever again?!??!?
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“She black out when she in the mall make you do it again tomorrow you trifling whore” but I’m not even trife or a whore so how and why?
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I worked too hard and came too far to be at someone’s mercy that I don’t even respect
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Divide us… that bitch swear she has something to do with this other then she was the one that hit me to begin with
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And took it away from EVERYBODY in the process
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Pac can you visit me tonight… we need to talk cause to be honest idk if I trust all your side either… I’m not living target blurry vision - they not getting me killed too
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I just want my nature and no artificial environments like being slept
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My side at least give me a fade and tell me why if they do something like that
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Or stalked or fucked with on my phone*
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I’m not walking thru all religions either… I did used to say one day I’m a find out what we all agree on and that must be god but right now the entire subject is against every fiber of my being
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I do pray every day though
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Until they’re gone until I’m free…. This is what it is until then
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Just want to resolve and end this nightmare once and for all
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I think it’s a wolf not realizing we don’t submit to them one… and I don’t even like him two
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Abuse makes me sick…
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You have no clue how weak and twisted that character trait is
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Like… when you have nothing to live for and lived your best you’re not really scared to die… that’s how I get up everyday and leave my house and face the world despite
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I’ll never live alone again though…
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When they beat me into the hospital and I didn’t even know it and that’s why I went mental… it was a surreal moment. Being terrorized and tortured up and down the east coast like it’s their joke too. And then when they STILL fuck with me…
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We all above the law… it just depends on whose paying.
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Is that’s what’s up?
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I’m not going to let it burn? I wouldn’t risk my soul for low level roaches like them… “we won’t worry it will all curry” and it did… all I know is patience. Kev YOU gonna stay the fuck away from me.. my old friends gonna stay the fuck away from me… ear popper is going to stay away from me too. If I knew how to shoot in the dark it would be the ear popper. I can’t deal or respect any person that doesn’t understand the word no. Even a 2 year old understands the word no
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GET OFF ME
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I’m not even compatible with a wolf… they’re controlling, competitive, aggressive, selfish - those are things that I was raised to be against. How do you expect that to work asshole?
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He’s popping my ear right now just to annoy me like some child… something wrong with him for real
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Head ache… change subject… I’m a go smoke and go to bed
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But tap… it depends which one… and seriously this shit mad disrespectful I don’t want a bunch of strangers on my body… it’s mad disrespectful and I thought it was my family and god at first.
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I’m not playing pick a creeper
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More like pick a stalker… nah I’m anything but for real - not my karma either
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Which reminds me… my dad said I need to face my demons. They’re not mine. So why would he even think that?
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Popping my ear… he will do this to me all night until the wee hours before of the morning
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And cause physical pain too
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But tap…
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How about EVERYBODY just get the fuck up off me and my body… no one even ever had permission and you not family with rite so WTF
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What?
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I’m not playing pick a creeper
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My body is MY temple… so please put it back like you fucking found it too
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Sweating my ass off… you know I saw magics head steam once too LOL
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It’s not even my family? Why the fuck I have to feel like or hear them for?
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You get mad as fuck… that’s how you shake someone demanding to be your god on your body!
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Not even my pire too?!?!!!)!!!????
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Bitch you holding me hostage?
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My knee just rumbled outside cause I won’t side with and don’t want these bitches even being here!!!!
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Nah it’s against my core
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MY god and family wouldn’t make me
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GNR… split them bitches off - I wasn’t even friends with them at the time
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Yeah they’re spirit has ME breathing like a heathen”… why cause they won’t let go I have to suffer
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I have my own god thank you and He wouldn’t force me to sit with them so I’m confused
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I just refuse and can’t respect a god that would make me…
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I don’t know WHAT the bitch was doing and idc but don’t wanna hear it either
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Yes LORD… even if my life depended on it
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My god and family would never treat my body that or this way
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NAH THATS ABUSIVE
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NOZZY VERSION
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Jungle… yeah… idk who threw that one
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Yeah but we only throw when someone is accused or did something wrong… and that’s at ourselves and our own. Maybe you all should check yours too
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Check your own too*
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I got dropped in the police car like axel did in the video
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It’s not triangle and they even forcing a pose to that… like I swear I swear
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Like being judged in mad different directions and you just wanna go one.
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“That sounds paranoid schizophrenic would you like to retract that statement?” So I did - she wouldn’t even listen to it Marshall… yeah they tied me down how do I cut out? Not out of mental… just out of their
Rental
Mental too…
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Yo.. it really is possible but you all would know better than me.
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Yeah… this one - ok
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Damn I can’t find the Obie trice song with Eminem
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You could but why would you want to?
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Lord for real… I hope that’s over. I don’t and won’t respect them as authority who even invited them here?
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Nah they do real shit but never even asked
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Kill a man like chin dog… not me
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Yeah the alarm clock… like… did you know her first or something? I’m just gonna keep it real
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Like me being back in MY FAMILY and personal world wouldn’t involve them either but if you did some real shit at least stand up for it
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By yourself…
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I’m not going to be or live fucked up cause some stupid bitch did some dumb shit. And guys… is this similar to why sug said he got shot but didn’t know it in that doc. And stuff like this is why I want my boundaries and walls when I recover and think.
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This zone just has to separate like they’re bullying me around
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I don’t want to pray with them
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Like ear popper… why would I be bitched and bullied in hell for or with you for real?
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Or anyone for that… I never did shit or needed an accomplice
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I’ll stand with pac… and shadows why would I have to go threw that again too? It didn’t work once why would it work twice?
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The dr popping my ear is abusing the hell out of me right now. Why would god just abuse somebody? That’s what they really trying to say and insist
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Yeah… I do wanna throw a dart
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How am I supposed to trust again when there is a god abusing me?
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Yeah I was judged alone… and like twice the night I lost it from mb. In the cop car, and then again in ATC after court all night.
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5 minutes before the nurses came in they unshackled me and put me in the chair with a blanket… I don’t want to change my god and environment and live this way.
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I stand by it I die by it…
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And if I haven’t done anything wrong should have anything to worry about
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Bitches mind your business and stop repeating my thoughts
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Like I still have to trust… I get what I earned
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Idk either…
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Like silent conversations you nod ok to but like they ok that is cool… they don’t bother you. But they do!!!! And then wanna abuse a bitch like I’m going to change my mind.
it’s like you either get along or you don’t
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Until it stops… I’d die 2 seconds before I let them for real
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I’m sorry but I’m not pubicly or commercially come to terms with some freak I pro ably never even met on my body. Tapping my back right now like I’m some specimen. And I’m the one looking stupid?
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Nah I’m cutting people out and trying to set my own boundaries
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But they won’t let me or respect that request they acting like I don’t even have the rite to choose my own god
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Nah I rather die then allow them power in my own body
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I’m mental not desperate
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I’m sorry I’m triangle but nah I can’t do the diamond
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I don’t want a god this close to my body especially an abusive one
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I noticed it in the drive way when I tried to call D
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Back up witch
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I want to be my best…. Not my worst
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Tired as fuck… probably should try to sleep. They trying to demand outcomes
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CLA919
It’s the maggot popping my ear
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I’m alMost asleep
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Someone is tapping my leg
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This isn’t even fair I didn’t even sign up for this
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Then I don’t even know who?
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I want to sleep I can’t fucking stand this up all night shit
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CLA919
Crazy
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?v...HDWnggIBCfv4Kw
My mom just said some shit about what I posted on facebook
Damned if I don’t they lie and if I do they prove it
She told me just hang with the wolf that’s a good look
I’m trying not to hate him for his kind but damn I’m about to lose it - shit
Shooshing myself and rubbing my own leg is torture
Kissing my own hands has never made me hate more
They torturing me down and trying to beat me into submission
After 7 years straight of this shit and they wondering why I’m bitching
Suicide is totally illegal but I rather be dead
I just can’t understand how this can even happen – when is enough said
I wanna go back to my sponsor but now I know they don’t even care about me either
NOBODY has my back – I’m not your souldier on some anniversary to ether
If I was a man maybe you’d understand and even love me
In fact I know for fact, but this shit gonna be however it’s built to be
That faggot think Im a marry him but ain’t no way in hell
My moms liver is the one fucked but my dad the one who drink – WTF is that? I can’t even tell
And I don’t hate him I just refuse to live for him either, he kicked me out when I was sick
Even my babies hate me, when the smoke gonna clear cause the fog a little too thick
God got our back on this running shit, but nah I grabbed my ring and best outfit
He wasn’t there in fact he hung me – now ain’t that some shit
The psychic told me not to judge him, but how I trust him now
How I’m supposed to trust when I know he don’t even like me – how
I can’t go back to my sponsor he lost all respect
Went to hoe college and got nothing I guess that’s what I get for showing my deck
I’m throwing up but nothing comes out 10x a day
It seems like they even hit me more the more that I pray
They clap my hands like we even on the side
I rather go to hell for what’s straight up illegal - suicide
I always stayed so busy cause if I had a chance to think I’d lose it
That closed caption in the background drove me nuts – cause that’s where the first time they abused it
I can’t chose it
And if you think I’m a just die down and lay
You don’t know my tag team partner – that’s all I’m a say
No PC I had to work my way from restricted to level 5
And I was only 13 then in case you thought I don’t have what it takes to survive
Walking behind wishes? When did I ever get a wish?
I even got shot when I realized he snitched
Expecting the worst just to be grateful for the day
Nah you bitches gonna feel me and pay attention to what I say
I was his virgin
He didn’t care how sacred that was to me
He didn’t care I burned out 3 stars praying back for my family.
I’ll be a psycho – you mother fuckers have no clue
But you wrong if you think I’m compromising my freedom or burning in hell hitting back any of you
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Before my dad got sick… I had a dream today he was at my door waking me up with English muffin pizzas - it gave me the strength to get out of bed
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CLA919
I had a rough night and an even harder morning… so I went back to bed. Like sleep I just wanna sleep and even my dreams usually twisted and fucked up!
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CLA919
Knee tap… like why everybody think they can disrespect me and my body and multiple people at that and I don’t even know who! Nah that’s not fair at all.
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CLA919
Just heard STRETCH I never listened cause I didn’t like the beat. Soul for real and candy rain is definitely us. But not the other shit. And I’m from Nassau to 40 and like… trying to get paid for writing. Like blood money? Do I have that out there too? #streetsouldiers getting paid too?
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I’m about to ask Jay Z at 5000 a run… not paid until out of statutes… but we talking 94 to 1999? That’s 5 years… who I see to get paid? Is that even legal though? (Reasonable Doubt)
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CLA919
aven or Hell
Heaven or Hell
YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube
The things that we do just to make it through
Have you wondering what the fuck was I supposed to do
I believe in God AND the other fallen angel…
But I can’t punk out cause I see the other Stalin (stallen) angle
Can’t believe in one without the other
It’s like turning on my own fucking brother
It’s like comforting a widow or a grieving mother
Knowing, you still know another
Well I was just trying to make sense of it all
They chose to live life up and I chose to ball
They look down on you and try to make you look small
I don’t know who he is, but believe me I know his call
When it’s torture I do a line just to numb up
When it’s Fortier I play the ditz just to dumb up
Use my 4.0 for these streets and the plans I can drum up
And I ain’t got a team no more, dolo on the come up
Street sweeper, cleaning all the scavenger scum up
My pen, it turns into a ouji
Weeding cowards out like water out of a squeegee
The eyes in back of me
Have always been eyes that only I can see
They bring me comfort in my terrors throughout the night
I hear the whisper as if children cry like a lullaby when I’m searching without the light
And it ain’t pretty, and it ain’t cute
And where I am going I hardly dispute
Hook
I manned up, I started banging bullies on their backs
Get my fortune read to forewarn of attacks
To make it thru I used to drive with burners under my seat
I ran so much that I deserve the credit for flooding the street
And don’t you think I feel bad for evading that pod
But life equals up somehow to uneven the odd
The 3 little pigs, spent their careers tryin to squeeze me
3 in the hole and I got one just for popping breezy
And you look at me and think my life is all fucking easy
At any given moment we can be called just to appease he
And you know Valhalla’s fable
And there’s no doubt I am eating at that table
I know the power of my spirit horse when drilled in life and death
And I am on borrowed time so you best believe my brethren get my last breath
I know I suffer in the next so let me be free now
And I ain’t trying to repent cause we reep what we sow
Hell of a decision, die, kill, or go to jail
Either way we set up to fail
So what do you believe in? … heaven or hell
I think the la de dah church shit got most folk under a spell
I mean whose to say whose story they tell
I mean, let’s just be real why else the angel fell
I wanna hear two sides, please tell me a book was written
It’s all stories just like the little kitten that lost it’s mitten
Hook
Judged for the things we do
Judged by who
Judged by everyone
Judged these days even if you legally own a gun
Judged by your past, for the past shit you done
You even judged if you stand firm or you decide to run
Judged for your son, judged for your daughter
Ok by you all I don’t believe in that order
The order to tall
So give me the chains and strap me to that wall
All because I jumped in when I heard a prisoner call
And if we all write, then we all right
A gift of intellect, use it for sight
Use it for peace, use it for the fall
Use it at least, but when you do – just give it your all
And I can go on for 100 fucking bars
But I know in the end when I wake up it’d be in fucking MARS
Never fear God cause a true leader doesn’t use fear just to lead you
Never fear the devil, cause believe me he see through
Fear no man, only what fear just what you might do
And judge no one for what they do just to get thru.
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Guys… what’s all this surviving a shot mean? Like why everybody always getting shot for real? Want my opinion like the same type creepers who shot Martin Luther King etc… the VOICE… they’re such cowards they fear our voices cause then shit will change and they’re too scared of that in my opinion!
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Or cause they broke… let me find out my life was like a $500 for real. Like it’s all just so dead wrong.
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To make myself feel better… I know for a fact there’s a next
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“Went by the fork in the road and went straight” 99 then relapsed then 04 final kiss
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(Renegade)
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I LOVED sitting up in the office STRETCH
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No guys... to dangerous! I want peace and comfort and sweats and to relax and create and write and work all this confusing shit out - but I need money to be stable again too so like… my wish is I make it writing for real!!! It doesn’t take much to keep me happy.
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Been Around
YouTube Video:
Click here to view on youtube
I used to say I’d never do a bid, and ain’t nothing in life more important then the kids
That the code of the streets was more loyal then your profile is
And that id give my life if it would give him back his
I’d say hit, shot, smoke when I’d stand in their circle
Then I lost my mind and they only cared how my birds call
When your walking or marching or just airing it out
People see you different then their reAsable doubt
They think your spoiled or special and can’t understand the fall or the respect due
They didn’t know It was half faith in My God that I was trying to show you too
You Look them in the eye and turn, tell them to shoot you in the back that’s how our law do
Or living by a code we seem to all lose
The only codes we ever understood or respect
Then they look me at can’t understand the harsh deck
And I say it’s prolly when my family left that I died
Smile and wave...
And it’s in only in secret when And if I ever cried
I’d say I’m still a lot like you
Just different, that’s why the respect too
My own seeds hate me, and I didn’t trade my life instead that’s just how fate be
And if I did it for one I did it for all... but I guess it’s just how the fallen and the walking dead fall...
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Can someone unlock my “if I had 24 hrs” I have a feeling it would make me laugh right now @Soule
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@Soule it’s under my cla919
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Head burn off day? Yeah I saw the girl videotaping too and like… just WTF is going on? Smh…
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Nah cause I’m that scared of jail LoL like mental even worse though so I guess you still get it regardless idk… idfk. I had to go to red pod because I stole a car still running for my life… I just didn’t know WHY I was so scared running for my life yet. Charges were dropped because everyone else did. That’s when they hurt me in mb2010
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I don’t agree with snitching on people to get out of time or jail. We were raised don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time - so I didn’t
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I was fidgeting like a bitch… but it was nice that these girls had my back and it was ok to fidget a second.
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Yeah like someone had my back for once, I would’ve made it thru and it would’ve been ok and not fidgeting like that, that I wouldn’t be able to hold my own if I had to… but I can get that sick too… one day my friend had to drive and everything and take the car home. I was sick as fuck throwing up nothing coming out, weak, shaking… like it was bad. Someone threatened me in the parking lot and I made their dog run away rather than attack me like I THINK they wanted it to. I THINK!
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I might’ve been hallucinating but I think cause I heard him say talk that shit now bitch
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Like it was all crazy cause I even said to my boy… tell your boss to pucker up cause I’m a spit dead in her mouth” I dismissed it as crazy and nah have no clue what I was talking about. It’s fueled.
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I hate drama… I really do like… nah I’m not engaging. I’m not their bitch but I’m not engaging.
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I don’t fight with people. If it’s my friends or family I just leave if it’s strangers I just make them run cause I will fight EASY and I guess they didn’t realize or expect that smoke…
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Like people I have asked to leave repeatedly that still won’t. I’m a find out my own story before I even consider how you played in it. Like maybe we are cool and maybe we’re not but like it’s to the point of trying to figure out how to shoot in the dark just to secure my perimeters and personal boundaries I need to heal or at least manage my mental illness now as a result.
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Nobody on that side is respecting my boundaries or wishes and it’s to the point of suffer and like… I’m not gonna not shoot and suffer… personal boundaries and comfort zones is grounds to shoot for me. I’d hate to shoot and ally especially if I didn’t have to.
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I’d laugh… you popped off of the wrong bitch and I pray you didn’t make it that serious!!!
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On the wrong bitch*
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I’m not a gangster or even trying to be… I’m just stressed and crazy and will do it. Well maybe used to would’ve done it but I worked A LOT on my anger
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No Supranos either… I’m Italian and don’t really know that side of my family at all. My dad was big on integrity. And like… only one of my aunts was ever nice to me any way.
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His other families were but we all parted when I was still a kid… after my dads wise chip truck runs part time. LOL
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Most of his families were nice*
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I don’t know… I never asked him and we talked about everything down to he even knows I did powder cocaine too.
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My dad was extra nice to me and leanant… I went to Florida when I was 16 with my friend to pick up her boyfriend and I told my mom I was at his house and he said ok when I told him.
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I saw the post about giving it a break and I hope you all not forced to hear my rambles… I’ll chill now and sorry if that’s what’s up for real - cause I been fine talking to myself thru this for years. BUT it’d be a lot easier if someone just told me what’s up… what’s the situation… so we can just handle it!
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I tell my mom everything after the fact… she militant like her mom and would kill me unless she knows it’s over and ok now. She hit the back of my head when she got to the police station when Hollins got killed. I was supposed to be at my friends house not the party still… and she was strict on me but you can understand and imagine what an at risk youth and how hard it is on a parent. I think she handled it like a G and I did turn out alright until I got too mental in 2015
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“All that I got is you” is a strong song to me around my entrance to this waking like it’s wasn’t me but I can’t tell you how it was like from my side… it’s was the 13 in the entrance that caught my attention first.
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I can tell you*
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And the “if you don’t know who you are you are never going to get where you are going”
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Nah… I used to get upset like not another one!!!! Like you see Mobb wives you see basketball wives? You crazy if you think I’d get with a drug dealer or anyone in crime for real!!! LMAO
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Stress kills…
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I just don’t want to go… that other chick he sent me to the store for twice and like… I rather write right now… and like don’t wanna get caught up in something that doesn’t work that I might even try to convince myself it could work. Like… I need to stay grounded. And my friend said something to me I respect… and I wouldn’t do that to her. Besides a few behind my back comments… she’s kept it real with me.
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Nah under cla919 they wasn’t fucking with me… it wasn’t until Norwalk they hit when I started to feel sick mentally but wasn’t but they came and hit me and like… just like mb2010 too. That’s why it was easier to believe impossible I just got sick and never really looked back either… I was robbed too and was too sick to question where all my money went and why I can’t ever forgive Rivera either… she knew all that and told my family it would’ve been impossible. I remember being at my psych and giving the drug test and my urine was black… but in crazy world I was like maybe I’m just different idk what I thought I just didn’t analyze it or look back. I know for facts now and like… I just wanna know who hate me THAT much and why? There is no doubt in my mind it was all preset on me. “I know you don’t love me, you not the same when 50 in town” nah I didn’t mean to tell everybody like that on repeat and still don’t want to be known under that BUT wanna push for an awareness… it’s sick as fuck that ALMOST EVERY WOMAN BEEN THRU ITtoo!
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And then they trying to force me to sit with them and the people who did it to begin with and ran the play again allegedly? Nah I don’t think so… I rather die under the principal alone.
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Like you can’t demand to change my nature, religion and beliefs!!!! It’s just not my zone… and I don’t like or respect it.
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My ties are ironic and just so happen comes a long time before they did! Like I don’t need their games…
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I’ve BEEN sitting down hurt… and everyone else isn’t even sitting either… and nobody will make them… why?!??
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Nah it’s all good… there are no statutes in South Carolina… it’s not any time I feel like it… maybe it’s redemption and if you all do a good job and stay REALLY far away from me I won’t have to.
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What you gonna do for your undercover bestie thats pegged with it all… I bet you, you send her to jail! But we will see… they pretended not to be friends the entire time… and like. I don’t know what happened that everyone just so free they feel they can do what ever to me now but I dead up refuse.I’m not your sick form of prayer and entertainment… I’m trying to move the fuck on with my life
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I have the parking ticket and my court docs… I can prove it
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I just don’t want to feel haunted by them anymore… and re uniting with my family type and important people in my life I want to face them as me and not literally feel like you.
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I don’t wanna be a boss or act like one… I just wanna try to get peace and comfort in my own body again and try to recover. I never got welcomed into the jungle… evidentially everybody hated me and didn’t want me in. That’s not what I care about though… it’s throwing me in a hell beyond comprehension and they do it like it’s their joke and I’m their shield AND it’s legal… like I’m a go smoke and take a bath. Sorry again guys…
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Like I say Lord and hear any random person ask forgiveness… it’s not so much the split I’m mad about either it’s whose doing it and why and for what…
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It’s not in my nature or religion to pray like that…
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CLA919
My body has shifted and look gross as fuck too!!!!
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So you not only abuse a bitch but you deform her and make her, her ugliest too? What you so desperate you have to drop a bitch low to get her? Or you just some hating ass jealous bitch? Like which is it cause I’m tired as fuck!!!!!
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Get off me, get off my body, and put me back JUST like you found me!!!!
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CLA919
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