Necropolis

[Emily]

I sleep at the cemetery
…to ease my mind
and sooth my soul

To find meaning

I listen attentively
to fragments of time
gazing grey sky, imitating
my state of being

Clouds bare and
Earth naked
__________I am understood

Trees whisper truth

Pulse pierces
the Dead, and I
…for a brief moment

I lay still
Feign to be ill


Sinking heartache back to dust
Offer sorrow back to air


I am Dom

I have Free





















http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...She-Pours-Liam
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-Strings-Jukon

[HighEngineChief]

This is dope Em. You're really coming into your own as a poet. The thoughts and images were crisp, stirring immediately that empathetic reflex that is at the very heart of a poetic experience. The boundaries between us are brought down, and we see ourselves in each other. I love how you flipped the mood, taking an otherwise somber setting and emphasizing the peace and unity of death. My only qualm is the switch from present tense to past in "I laid still/ feigned to be ill" I think you should change it to present tense, for consistency. Other than that, this was a great read. Got my creative juices bubbling. I'll have to spend some more time here supporting what little poets we have left. Thanks for the read Em.

[Fatrick Swayze]

I need to read this again for a proper grasp be back to feed

[Jukon]

yes


^that may not seem like feed, but trust me, it is
@Emily to confirm

ok as for real feed..this was really good. i like most of the shit you write and post cause it has something about it, elegance, and just a knack for forming sentences that just work. and picking those words that are on the verge of too far, but still saving face. if that makes sense.

i like that u changed the tenses to where everything fits together now, i typically never notice that stuff but only noticed it when hec pointed it out, bastard.

but yes, you + words = good things

[Fatrick Swayze]

Ol so this was cool reading it a couple of times i get the cadence
And its great lol. Loved the cemetery line aswell as the heartache
Line very profund and well written. Love this tbh, one question though
What exactly does i am dom mean? Im sorry if its obvious i cant grasp it lol

Great post my ninja

[Jukon]

Ol so this was cool reading it a couple of times i get the cadence
And its great lol. Loved the cemetery line aswell as the heartache
Line very profund and well written. Love this tbh, one question though
What exactly does i am dom mean? Im sorry if its obvious i cant grasp it lol

Great post my ninja

its a play on freedom

I am Dom

I have Free

sorry i speak for her now apparently lol

[Emily]

@Fatt Sajak , just playing with words and potential meanings.

I am Dom...Dominant.
I also thought of how a dominant character submits under the influence of a higher force, and that is freeing. Freeing the dominance.
If my name is supposedly Dom, maybe short for Dominique,
and I need to sleep at a cemetery to ease my mind, then I free Dom.
Just mucking around with words.

Thanks for the read guys. Appreciated

[143]

the juxtaposition in this is amazing. The contrast from this really brings out this abstract undertone that lulls the reader into a slumberless awakening. Odd enough I felt that this was about death or dying as all security comes from a place where there are no bounds to hold you back and you as a character was or going to die. Dope way to come at this. Caught this aspect with the last two lines. Dope Em....

[TheIllyricist]

______I am understood. <--- That right there I'm interested in. Is that meant to be a blank space and we can fill it in based on what you've written? That's what I did anyway and it was a damn good thing to add in. Great effect on me as a reader. Pulse pierces the dead was another fantastic image. Juxtaposition on point. Overall I just loved the creative flare in your positioning of words and lines. Interesting structure.