Misguided

[ItoldUIwasFat]

Misguided





Immersed in a verse like cadence that rehearsed my patience
to a blatant stalemate between my conscious’s engrailment.
im grounded to this dumbfounded in bliss from a radical kiss.
a divine incline that will define my inlines..this time don’t riddle tricks
to Weddle me down… the peddles I frown are from your flower.
which ill devour in sour amaretto so please don’t run n cower...
you’ll make it harder for my make shift carver to reach exposed skin.
don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin
from your shit bin, blood red from your head shed all over the floor
but I wont dead you yet instead of the end..ill show you my horror’s core

“ No More I implore leave me be and a confession ill never explore
Please im sore and cant endure for the life of me, I sour from the gore
you see the pictures...feel my features familiarize your memory
im not your enemy, but you act like no friend to me.”

finally ive caught you..now to obstruct your view with an abrupt screw
rub through your eye’s venue till its deep in you...no vision for virtue
or truth..ill intrude with crude brute force..i gotta tell yah im so enthused.
This abuse you don’t choose finally ends with violence, a violet red shoe’s
tip in guidance to bruised hips an lips ease the grip from a hands dip
you’ll catch a glimpse..dam the pains immense and intense enough to flip
but no worries your wale’s grow stale outside the vale over the trail
that traces your faces crevices never the less your screams fucking fail.
so in detail ill impale your grail and sip from your overflowing cup and pale


“this is what she said as I bled to death
the one thing I wanted was a sexual breath
instead I got caught up in a mix up and tied up
cut up to a Dixie cup size and to think..
…I was going to marry the chick.”




fed;
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...583/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...065/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...580/index.html

[ItoldUIwasFat]

Foreal tho

[Andrewert]

Immersed in a verse like cadence that rehearsed my patience
to a blatant stalemate between my conscious’s engrailment.
im grounded to this dumbfounded in bliss from a radical kiss.
a divine incline that will define my inlines..this time don’t riddle tricks
to Weddle me down… the peddles I frown are from your flower.
which ill devour in sour amaretto so please don’t run n cower...
you’ll make it harder for my make shift carver to reach exposed skin.
don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin
from your shit bin, blood red from your head shed all over the floor
but I wont dead you yet instead of the end..ill show you my horror’s core
Very poetic, the imagery here shines and the flow is on spot, your vocab is there, the only thing i do not like is that, you got your internal rhymes but they are different compared to the end rhymes so it kind of throws it off balance

“ No More I implore leave me be and a confession ill never explore
Please im sore and cant endure for the life of me, I sour from the gore
you see the pictures...feel my features familiarize your memory
im not your enemy, but you act like no friend to me.”
Dunu if that was made by you seeing as how you put the "" but the multis and flow are good, Imagery was a bit hard to put into my mind. and vocab was good, not as great as first stanza but still good

finally ive caught you..now to obstruct your view with an abrupt screw
rub through your eye’s venue till its deep in you...no vision for virtue
or truth..ill intrude with crude brute force..i gotta tell yah im so enthused.
This abuse you don’t choose finally ends with violence, a violet red shoe’s
tip in guidance to bruised hips an lips ease the grip from a hands dip
you’ll catch a glimpse..dam the pains immense and intense enough to flip
but no worries your wale’s grow stale outside the vale over the trail
that traces your faces crevices never the less your screams fucking fail.
so in detail ill impale your grail and sip from your overflowing cup and pale
This was my fav part. With this unlike the first one you got the internal rhymes going + the end rhymes going so it flows more beautifully, the vocab here was good not as good as the first stanza... however the imagery was put out and I really just liked this one the best

“this is what she said as I bled to death
the one thing I wanted was a sexual breath
instead I got caught up in a mix up and tied up
cut up to a Dixie cup size and to think..
…I was going to marry the chick.”
meh.... Different rhyme scheme then the others kind of throws the vibe off, of the whole writing...., you started up with a line with internal rhymes but didnt go to finish the bar like that... dunu if this is more like talking then the rhyming but ehh idk

In all good piece i felt the emotion and this was good!

[Andrewert]

Immersed in a verse like cadence that rehearsed my patience
to a blatant stalemate between my conscious’s engrailment.
im grounded to this dumbfounded in bliss from a radical kiss.
a divine incline that will define my inlines..this time don’t riddle tricks
to Weddle me down… the peddles I frown are from your flower.
which ill devour in sour amaretto so please don’t run n cower...
you’ll make it harder for my make shift carver to reach exposed skin.
don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin
from your shit bin, blood red from your head shed all over the floor
but I wont dead you yet instead of the end..ill show you my horror’s core
Very poetic, the imagery here shines and the flow is on spot, your vocab is there, the only thing i do not like is that, you got your internal rhymes but they are different compared to the end rhymes so it kind of throws it off balance

“ No More I implore leave me be and a confession ill never explore
Please im sore and cant endure for the life of me, I sour from the gore
you see the pictures...feel my features familiarize your memory
im not your enemy, but you act like no friend to me.”
Dunu if that was made by you seeing as how you put the "" but the multis and flow are good, Imagery was a bit hard to put into my mind. and vocab was good, not as great as first stanza but still good

finally ive caught you..now to obstruct your view with an abrupt screw
rub through your eye’s venue till its deep in you...no vision for virtue
or truth..ill intrude with crude brute force..i gotta tell yah im so enthused.
This abuse you don’t choose finally ends with violence, a violet red shoe’s
tip in guidance to bruised hips an lips ease the grip from a hands dip
you’ll catch a glimpse..dam the pains immense and intense enough to flip
but no worries your wale’s grow stale outside the vale over the trail
that traces your faces crevices never the less your screams fucking fail.
so in detail ill impale your grail and sip from your overflowing cup and pale
This was my fav part. With this unlike the first one you got the internal rhymes going + the end rhymes going so it flows more beautifully, the vocab here was good not as good as the first stanza... however the imagery was put out and I really just liked this one the best

“this is what she said as I bled to death
the one thing I wanted was a sexual breath
instead I got caught up in a mix up and tied up
cut up to a Dixie cup size and to think..
…I was going to marry the chick.”
meh.... Different rhyme scheme then the others kind of throws the vibe off, of the whole writing...., you started up with a line with internal rhymes but didnt go to finish the bar like that... dunu if this is more like talking then the rhyming but ehh idk

In all good piece i felt the emotion and this was good!

[Bos]

i felt it, you managed to put in solid and good rhymes, keep it up

[ItoldUIwasFat]

up homos will RTF

[FaHQtual]

This I found really interesting, it has a poetic flavor to it which I think you were going for but also sounds like you something you could drop on the
right beat. There is one thing that bugged me though. It was this line

don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin

It just seemed like it didnt belong to me.

[ParadoxAssassin]

The vocabulary in this is outstanding. The way your rhymes work together is great also. I can feel the emotion seeping through this piece and it almost scares me, but at the same time it also excites me. I agree with FaHQtual about that one line otherwise I thought the story was right on point the entire time.

Your style is one I've never seen before and I like it. Keep up the good work. Overall I'd say you are on the right track.

[Express'on]

I actually was Battling this on BBE...but ok...

Immersed in a verse like cadence that rehearsed my patience
to a blatant stalemate between my conscious’s engrailment.
im grounded to this dumbfounded in bliss from a radical kiss.
a divine incline that will define my inlines..this time don’t riddle tricks

Alittle heavy in multis, especially the last line. I did like "blatant stalemate" it flowed so easily in it. It isnt a predictable finish. and its a good "idea" that pops up.

to Weddle me down… the peddles I frown are from your flower.
which ill devour in sour amaretto so please don’t run n cower...
you’ll make it harder for my make shift carver to reach exposed skin.
don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin

The underline is crazy dope imagery...really top notch...the rhyme scheme was only ehh tho...

from your shit bin, blood red from your head shed all over the floor
but I wont dead you yet instead of the end..ill show you my horror’s core

nice...reallly solid flow and statement.

“ No More I implore leave me be and a confession ill never explore
Please im sore and cant endure for the life of me, I sour from the gore
you see the pictures...feel my features familiarize your memory
im not your enemy, but you act like no friend to me.”

Again very nice. This matched the picture very well. You really have a nice concept development here.

finally ive caught you..now to obstruct your view with an abrupt screw
rub through your eye’s venue till its deep in you...no vision for virtue
or truth..ill intrude with crude brute force..i gotta tell yah im so enthused.
This abuse you don’t choose finally ends with violence, a violet red shoe’s

A little caught in rhyme scheme here...some awkward words and filler tho I like "finally ends with violence, a violet red"..."shoe" was filler but the rest was really good imagery.

tip in guidance to bruised hips an lips ease the grip from a hands dip
you’ll catch a glimpse..dam the pains immense and intense enough to flip
but no worries your wale’s grow stale outside the vale over the trail
that traces your faces crevices never the less your screams fucking fail.
so in detail ill impale your grail and sip from your overflowing cup and pale

This was ok...still the rhyme scheme is a little too congested. I don't really know you would say it, but from a reading perspective its real choppy. and its messing with the imagery some.

“this is what she said as I bled to death
the one thing I wanted was a sexual breath
instead I got caught up in a mix up and tied up
cut up to a Dixie cup size and to think..
…I was going to marry the chick.”

Super dope ending...lol...the best part by far...good shit...

Overall this was ok. I think that the body was ehh...got a little too engaged in the rhyme scheme but the end and the concept was was developed...nice writing keep em coming

[AussieRep]

really good !!!! and inspiring

[xetc]

ill vocab, ill rhyme scheme, so many fucking multis, ill content... all in all, this is one of the nicest pieces ive read in awhile, ill job haha

[The Scientist]

haha Oh damn i like this man keep up. And the vocab?? Get outta here lol good peice man.

[thatdudeB]

i liked it, liked the theme or aggresiveness i felt in this peice.. liked the flow of it for me.. pretty good multis to me too.. the vocab was good to me too, some words made me stop and think though (all though i'm not the smartest).. i thought the first part was decent/pretty good.. but the second part was alot more to my liking.... good job

[Shoemaker]

Immersed in a verse like cadence that rehearsed my patience
to a blatant stalemate between my conscious’s engrailment.
im grounded to this dumbfounded in bliss from a radical kiss.
a divine incline that will define my inlines..this time don’t riddle tricks
to Weddle me down…

Aight, by lookin at the opening lines, i can see where you are going with this. Good opener, caught my attention early. Great job on that. so far im likin your scheme, its unorthadox, and your vocab is sharp.

the peddles I frown are from your flower.
which ill devour in sour amaretto so please don’t run n cower...
you’ll make it harder for my make shift carver to reach exposed skin.
don’t run from the fun… a stab hole? take one in yah asshole? expose sin
from your shit bin,

Good imagery, and metas. the best part about these bars is that you all of a sudden flipped this shit. one minute this is some poetic shit, next your rhymin about killing people. I LIKE it man, its unique.

blood red from your head shed all over the floor
but I wont dead you yet instead of the end..ill show you my horror’s core
“ No More I implore leave me be and a confession ill never explore
Please im sore and cant endure for the life of me, I sour from the gore

First line wraps it up with a good symbolism, you actually acknowledged that you were going for horror core. i think these lines would help a less experienced reader understand the piece, being that your vocab and imagery is so complex.

you see the pictures...feel my features familiarize your memory
im not your enemy, but you act like no friend to me.”
finally ive caught you..now to obstruct your view with an abrupt screw
rub through your eye’s venue till its deep in you...no vision for virtue

these were my fav bars, cuz this flowed like a fucking river. I had to read it ten fucking times to understand it, Good shit man. props on this.

or truth..ill intrude with crude brute force..i gotta tell yah im so enthused.
This abuse you don’t choose finally ends with violence, a violet red shoe’s
tip in guidance to bruised hips an lips ease the grip from a hands dip
you’ll catch a glimpse..

man, i read this over and over, and i dont get it. its structurally great, and flow is kept up. but im sad to say that i have no fucking idea what your talking about. congratulations. you said finally iv caught you. so are you talking about domestic violence towards your girl?

dam the pains immense and intense enough to flip
but no worries your wale’s grow stale outside the vale over the trail
that traces your faces crevices never the less your screams fucking fail.
so in detail ill impale your grail and sip from your overflowing cup and pale

all ima say is... this right here is fuck you flow, fuck you vocab, and just fuck you in general. i feel like you just mind fucked me, lol

“this is what she said as I bled to death
the one thing I wanted was a sexual breath
instead I got caught up in a mix up and tied up
cut up to a Dixie cup size and to think..
…I was going to marry the chick.”

this wrapped it up nicely. it explained your concept as a whole. alot of imagery in this piece, many ways it can be interpreted.

overall: i think you are flexin the shit out of multis, flow, and vocab. you kept your scheme right the whole time, props for that. Your flow reminds me of how nas writes. like when i read nas lyrics it is similar to this. the difference is, i think you go a lil overboard with complexity. dont get me wrong, i love this shit, but i think that so many people wont understand that they'll just say fuck this. like jayz said, you dumb down your lyrics, you double your dollars. but other than that i liked how this shit was poetic, but at the same time you kept it hard. like it had a gangster feel to it at the same time.

(good drop)

[ItoldUIwasFat]

thanx for the feeds foreal..
feel free to leave links and
i will DEF RTF