Reflections in the Mirror

[#PrimeTime]

This is a little collab Arch, Mr. Style and I (Jeffry) collaborated on. The 3 of us were bored one day in the FL Chat and decided to jump on an OM collab thinking it would be a good idea. Things weren't as smooth as I thought they would be, but nevertheless these two never seem to let me down or disapoint me. Anyways, Reflections in the Mirror. Id like to thank both Arch and Mr. Style in their input, anyways feedback is appreciated.


The Order:
- Me (Jeffry)
- Mr. Style
- Arch



Jeffry:

“Jeff, youre a disgrace to this family”, that’s all I hear on a daily basis,
Lettin everyone down, wishin there was something I could do to change the look on their faces,
Look at the family album, each picture is the same - every picture is a blur,
Turn the page, I see everyone disappointed in me, so I ask myself when did this occur
Reflect on my present life, but my mind wants me to keep livin in the past,
Im trying to slow down but my foot keeps accelerating on the pedal fast,
The road goes on for miles, I slowly begin to slow down, but my visions aren’t clear,
Lookin back into my life, like im always stuck lookin behind me, like whats in the mirror,
Overconfidence was my rise, getting cut short was my downfall back to reality,
Just wish I could be appreciated be every member of society, including my family,
Mirrors crack every time I take a glance, guess I wasn’t worth being invested in,
Lookin back now, my every thought and action has me simply second guessin

Mr. Style:

The greens gone, I need something to fiend on
Look in the mirror and theres a Royce disk playin for the theme song
I dream long, through the tough days, scuffed legs
My minds telling me I'm doin it right, but my hearts sayin Hes Wrong
I never meant to bleed, naw.. Hearing the gossip of my best friend
I should just stick to the gang tat the ink on my chest says
I should give it a rest, dead.. My families feelin threatened
I look in the mirror and see the bruises all over my head 'nd
It's crescent, like the moon of which I live under
Kids hunger, nothing to feel good about in this summer
But I'm the hottest thing goin, and when I look at my reflection
Perception eats my inside.. My lifes no different from a recession


The Archetype:

I question my reflection. What I see doesn't reveal all that I'm stressing
I know it's my equal but that person feels like someone from another dimension
A mask blankets my feelings. An inner voice speaks... asks if I'm worthless
Facial features placid. Beneath a creature's wrath scratches the surface
My laugh's tone is nervous. I'm the only one that can see through my facade
Forced to conform to the norm. I know my thoughts would be viewed as odd
So I'm perceived as even keeled... believing still one day I'll rout the stress
Cuz my life feels like I'm walking on eggshells... on a high wire... without a net
In the mirror I look joyful, vibrant... like I like shit
But I feel like the mirror does... cold, lifeless... like my life's shit
I still move on past those showing traits of fakes and all my old mistakes
Cuz I can shatter my reflection but I'm more difficult to break

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...788/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...806/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...786/index.html

[Swift Shiftee]

Damn, I'm glad I wasn't included in this shit. Y'all woulda made my verse look wack as fuck. Good shit.

[#PrimeTime]

lol swift, don't be so hard on yourself. you're a good writer as well my man. Thanks for the feed. uppn.

[Joe Boston]

“Jeff, youre a disgrace to this family”, that’s all I hear on a daily basis,
Lettin everyone down, wishin there was something I could do to change the look on their faces,
Look at the family album, each picture is the same - every picture is a blur,
Turn the page, I see everyone disappointed in me, so I ask myself when did this occur
Reflect on my present life, but my mind wants me to keep livin in the past,
Im trying to slow down but my foot keeps accelerating on the pedal fast,
The road goes on for miles, I slowly begin to slow down, but my visions aren’t clear,
Lookin back into my life, like im always stuck lookin behind me, like whats in the mirror,
Overconfidence was my rise, getting cut short was my downfall back to reality,
Just wish I could be appreciated be every member of society, including my family,
Mirrors crack every time I take a glance, guess I wasn’t worth being invested in,
Lookin back now, my every thought and action has me simply second guessin
I love the way u described the emotion in ur verse and ur rhyme scheme did it all here. U had a very deep choice of words which brought this imagery out alot. I can see u put alot of effort in to this verse.



Mr. Style:



The greens gone, I need something to fiend on
Look in the mirror and theres a Royce disk playin for the theme song
I dream long, through the tough days, scuffed legs
My minds telling me I'm doin it right, but my hearts sayin Hes Wrong
I never meant to bleed, naw.. Hearing the gossip of my best friend
I should just stick to the gang tat the ink on my chest says
I should give it a rest, dead.. My families feelin threatened
I look in the mirror and see the bruises all over my head 'nd
It's crescent, like the moon of which I live under
Kids hunger, nothing to feel good about in this summer
But I'm the hottest thing goin, and when I look at my reflection
Perception eats my inside.. My lifes no different from a recession
This was good as well u and jeff had the similiar structure when it came to flow and rhyme scheme and choice of wording. I like how ur verse was compatable with the concept of his.




The Archetype:



I question my reflection. What I see doesn't reveal all that I'm stressing
I know it's my equal but that person feels like someone from another dimension
A mask blankets my feelings. An inner voice speaks... asks if I'm worthless
Facial features placid. Beneath a creature's wrath scratches the surface
My laugh's tone is nervous. I'm the only one that can see through my facade
Forced to conform to the norm. I know my thoughts would be viewed as odd
So I'm perceived as even keeled... believing still one day I'll rout the stress
Cuz my life feels like I'm walking on eggshells... on a high wire... without a net
In the mirror I look joyful, vibrant... like I like shit
But I feel like the mirror does... cold, lifeless... like my life's shit
I still move on past those showing traits of fakes and all my old mistakes
Cuz I can shatter my reflection but I'm more difficult to break
Wow real good vocab choice in this verse arch i could really feel the emotion u were laying out there. U stuck to the concept as well but u laid ur aspect of this concept based on feelings. I really liked how ur verse flowed and like i said all of yalls rhyme scheme really helped bring this piece out.


This was a real good piece and Props to these 3 collabing they all stuck to the same concept and like i said the similiar content of rhyme scheme they had floored me. It was nicely expressed and im definitely looking foward to another piece from u all.



http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...865/index.html

[#PrimeTime]

Of course you can join in with us man. 'preciate the feed good sir.

Uppin for more feedback.

[#PrimeTime]

uppin

[Ethan]

“Jeff, youre a disgrace to this family”, that’s all I hear on a daily basis,
Lettin everyone down, wishin there was something I could do to change the look on their faces

Smooth introduction, flowed really well when reading.

The road goes on for miles, I slowly begin to slow down

The slow was just overused here, another word would make it work smoother, imo.

I dream long, through the tough days, scuffed legs
My minds telling me I'm doin it right, but my hearts sayin Hes Wrong

Nice flow, again, and the personification for your heart expressing feelings about your mind is deep. That line is usually cliche, but the way it was structured was nice.

I question my reflection. What I see doesn't reveal all that I'm stressing
I know it's my equal but that person feels like someone from another dimension

Absolutely loved the last verse in that. This part right here though just shows a message to how people aren't always what they seem. The flow was great, too.

Overall, they connected well with each other, and I really like the meaning behind it with the mirror being connected to everything. Lookin' to see more.

[#PrimeTime]

thanks for the feed.

uppin

[Heart break Andy]

The greens gone, I need something to fiend on
Look in the mirror and theres a Royce disk playin for the theme song
I dream long, through the tough days, scuffed legs
My minds telling me I'm doin it right, but my hearts sayin Hes Wrong
I never meant to bleed, naw.. Hearing the gossip of my best friend
I should just stick to the gang tat the ink on my chest says
I should give it a rest, dead.. My families feelin threatened
I look in the mirror and see the bruises all over my head 'nd
It's crescent, like the moon of which I live under
Kids hunger, nothing to feel good about in this summer
But I'm the hottest thing goin, and when I look at my reflection
Perception eats my inside.. My lifes no different from a recession

My favorite bars of it cause I can relate

Quote:
I dream long, through the tough days, scuffed legs
My minds telling me I'm doin it right, but my hearts sayin Hes Wrong

Also dope you guys should put this on audio
If you're looking for any new members holla!

[Soul Slayer]

This was a good read guys. you guys managed to bring it in as far as collab dynamics is concerned. Jeffry opened up quite nicely with an emotional prologue of his story. seemed a tad personal but was easy to relate to for me having gone through days where i felt that i was the black sheep of the family.

Styles, you brought in a different vibe, very smooth and up beat. i liked how you used imagery as your main focus on the content of the story to tie it all up and make for an authentic read.

Then arch really came through and was more poetic which i didn't expect. Maybe the madams' influence.IMO... A nice wholesome way to close and give the piece a punch in the end there. Very nice guys. thanks for sharing.

[#PrimeTime]

thank you good sir for the feedback.

uppin

[#PrimeTime]

uppn for more feed

[#PrimeTime]

upp plz 4 feed

[Soul Slayer]

hit my piece will ya - blood on my hands

[El Chapo]

Bea