Growing Up

[Engivale]

"She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."
- Proust, Marcel "In Search of Lost Time", p. 30-31, Swann's Way




The battle is the catalyst, Life isn't patternless,
It's kitchen gadgets, faucets, closets and cabinets,
It's laugh to bliss, then it's cry to despair,
If half the risk is attraction's kiss why are you there?
How do you bounce back when you keep thinking you've found that
girl who means the world she wears a tiara but really her crown's black?
The soundtrack of life begins, we might be friends,
Let's be honest this is as long as it goes and when it likely ends,
My psyche's cleansed, My rhyme's flat but I've got my time back,
The meaning of all of it? --- I'm still trying to find that,
A blind bat beating his wings, sonar seeing in rings,
My view is warped it's too distorted to start believing in things...

I guess the agenda changes, we end the races,
The winner's decided sin is divided against the cages,
Payslips, love, ambition and what is the damn mission?
I've tried to hear the preacher but I can't listen...
Hole in my heart? It was stolen to start,
Swollen, ripped open it was poetry --- art,
A light shown to me, dark, Life is throwin' a dart,
My soul has been scarred, torn apart, now it's cold and it's hard,
The tissue is tougher, it musta been good for me,
I couldn't change --- you wanted a man that I wouldn't be,
Keep puttin' me last, but trust me I'm fine,
Karma's my Judge & Jury and the justice is blind...

Complaining's for bitches and people bathing in riches,
Not hungry kids or men that are moneyless laying in ditches,
It's Grandma paying you visits, Artists obeying the critics,
If rap is a scab then every day I'm praying it itches,
I'd reopen it and let it bleed for over a century,
Cut it every time it healed like love when it's meant to be,
Eventually fate catches us, we just have to trust
That we'll mean half as much when we turn back to dust,
Metal has to rust, the body decomposes,
So we say our prayers and lay out tulips and roses,
Flesh dead but the soul lives, so know this ---
There's no such thing as grown-ups, just old kids...




http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...215/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...593/index.html

[Soule]

This was a pretty dope read. Of course. The wording was well put together. With a nice, clean rhyme scheme that really did justice for the read. It was clear all the way through. Loved the sonar line. Ending was a swell way to conclude the entire thing. Keep writing, let's collab. Nom'd.

[Nika Subin]

I don't think this piece will ever mean the same to me as it does for you. I'm neither the creator, nor am I familiar with it's inspiration. So in taking it for what it is, I see this.

First, it's hard to see. I see with a telescope and get the big picture, not a microscope and see the details. Which means when I read it, I gotta break it down line by line. (But to save time and energy, I try to refrain from copy and pasting.)

You have a powerful voice. In that you say what you mean to say, and you manage it say it clearly. And in rhyme form. In the second line you make your first mark in time, dating the specific mindset perspective; being modern. I like the way the second verse picks up speed while maintaining the same pace. I felt specific word choice is how to attribute that. The karma and justice line is interesting in the way it describes a force far beyond mortal power. Yet contemporary style. The third verse opens with a morbid painting of describing willpower. And then exits with a calm gentleman's vibe.

Plus, the rhymes were on point.

[Engivale]

Thanks for feed and ups...

[Engivale]

Once more...

[Tool]

I got this...

..just give me a day.

[Wise Ways]

well this was certainly a breath of fresh air.. i think this is probably the best piece i've read of yours.. the flow and metaphors were dope.. i could feel the emotion in it from the very beginning.. this was a very sturdy drop content-wise.. i was pretty much feeling everything that was said.. i actually have alot of those same feelings.. so props on making it so its easy to relate to.. the multies through out this whole thing were solid and fluent also.. its tight to see that being done..i wouldn't be suprised at all if this gets HoF'd.. nice drop fam.. look forward on reading more.. maybe you can peep my keystyle i just dropped!...pce..

[A-S3T]

goood shittttt

[Tool]

I pretty much know hat to expect when you write now...not that you're predictable, but the theme of a bitch fucking you over I seen through a handful of your works...so I'm guessing thats something personally pertaining to you...conversely something a lotta folk can relate to too.

I don't have much to say on the technical/lyrical side of things (which i usually do when feeding) because you've got it down, that's in plain view.

Can't say i fucked with how this started off but the first verse pick up here (for me);

The soundtrack of life begins, we might be friends,
Let's be honest this is as long as it goes and when it likely ends,
My psyche's cleansed, My rhyme's flat but I've got my time back,
The meaning of all of it? --- I'm still trying to find that,

yeah that's dope, in terms of the weighted sentiment and vague introspection - lyrically tight, no doubt. The following bar;

A blind bat beating his wings, sonar seeing in rings,
My view is warped it's too distorted to start believing in things...

I thought was dope too. Vivid.

Second segment moves pretty sharp in direction some...but in keeping with consistency skill-wise, this middle part from it;

Hole in my heart? It was stolen to start,
Swollen, ripped open it was poetry --- art,
A light shown to me, dark, Life is throwin' a dart,
My soul has been scarred, torn apart, now it's cold and it's hard,

was ill mainly because it shows you can tear a flow in 4 lines without using some profound vocabulary - I respect that, everything cept for the underlined part which I was just a little indifferent to...fillerish, but it's relevant so fuck it.

Karma's my Judge & Jury and the justice is blind...

word.

Thought the last verse was a fitting culmination for this shit, flow is aggresive, sentiment detected and worsmithing skills respected.

Complaining's for bitches and people bathing in riches,
Not hungry kids or men that are moneyless laying in ditches,
It's Grandma paying you visits, Artists obeying the critics,
If rap is a scab then every day I'm praying it itches,

on some vague wordly/socio-economic shit for the first few lines, than some criticisms of the state of the craft...I thought "Artists oberying critics" was broadly applicable to many...arts. Rap/scab line, little simple, but meaningful all the same.

Cut it every time it healed like love when it's meant to be,

Another reprisal of that heartbreak theme I see from you, well-placed allusion.

Metal has to rust, the body decomposes,
So we say our prayers and lay out tulips and roses,
Flesh dead but the soul lives, so know this ---
There's no such thing as grown-ups, just old kids...

Solid close.

I don't have much to say to you (relatively) because my crits/feed usually focus on how a dude might improve...I can see I don't have a great deal to offer you. Woulda been interesting to see you in WoP but it is what is.

Keep wordsmithing.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show....html?t=431540 < if you could take a few minutes to return the favour.