Existence

[theSMURF]

It's like some kind of sickness, trying to define existence.
we study ancient hieroglyphics, apply scientific methods
and ignore life's essence; no real answers but we're still persistent.
Life: I try to grasp it, yet forget to live it. And the minute I get it,
it seems the tides shift; stripping me of blissfulness.
Why is it my wrists are slit? They tell me “It's a sickness, you need prescriptions kid”
religion-less, life's a bitch; not even interested in living it.
You can't deny the unseen; recognize the eyes of science are limited.
There are instances when we have visions of the unlimited
too aesthetic and intricate to be explained by physicists.
So don't deny the premonitions you get, savor it like your last cigarette.
Life at its simplest once existed now it's decimated by businesses.
It's all corrupt and senseless, even with rap they let the missiles hit.
Seems the whole world's like “fuck what's legitimate.”
Theres kids enlisting in militant missions killing innocents
We need spiritual assistance, we need religious coexistence
People say I'm over-realistic...
deflating egos; making people not seem so gifted.
I came to bridge the distance between fact and fiction.
A victim of my own wisdom, I consider it a hindrance.
Lighting spliffs, getting lifted is my only leisure
and I won't lie: writing this descriptive shit is a slow procedure.
I'm just an overreacher, you can call me your chosen leader.
So theres no need to try'n vote, just feel these lines I wrote
Too many planets on my shoulders that my spine is broke.
Its over, seems like my mind is choked; lifeless, tied with rope.
My eyes are closed, can't to cope with all this hopelessness.
Here lies my soul, or whats left of it, dead and motionless.

Feed if u read niggas

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...092/index.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...027/index.html

[pro the GOD]

this is good...deep stuff..flow was aight n vocab was good, maybe needed more imagery, but good job.

[green1233]

Man that was really good. Awesome flow and very deep it was like i saw what you were talkin bout dirrectly from your eyes. Good image nice job bruh.

[Eks-ile]

This had a nice flow, vocab was good and it was just an awesome piece to read.
Painted a picture...and thats what its about.
TOP JOB

[theSMURF]

uppin

[Godwasheeeeeeeeeeeeere]

It's like some kind of sickness, trying to define existence.
we study ancient hieroglyphics, apply scientific methods
and ignore life's essence; no real answers but we're still persistent.
Life: I try to grasp it, yet forget to live it. And the minute I get it,
that openins fuckin fire man

religion-less, life's a bitch; not even interested in living it.
You can't deny the unseen; recognize the eyes of science are limited.
thats really dope to, good depth

There are instances when we have visions of the unlimited
too aesthetic and intricate to be explained by physicists.
anther dope was bar

It's all corrupt and senseless, even with rap they let the missiles hit.
Seems the whole world's like “fuck what's legitimate.”
Theres kids enlisting in militant missions killing innocents
We need spiritual assistance, we need religious coexistence
that whole section flowed so smoothely and was fie content wise

People say I'm over-realistic...
deflating egos; making people not seem so gifted.
rofl nasty

So theres no need to try'n vote, just feel these lines I wrote
Too many planets on my shoulders that my spine is broke.
nice

Its over, seems like my mind is choked; lifeless, tied with rope.
My eyes are closed, can't to cope with all this hopelessness.
Here lies my soul, or whats left of it, dead and motionless.
dope as finisher

yo ur flow is fire man, ur content is really dope but ur flow was so smoothe in most of this it was ridiculous, as i said th e structure n content was on point, the deflatin egos is my fav but prolly cuz im a battler, mad props on thi piece homey

[theSMURF]

thanks for the detailed feed man. i think it seems a lot better if you actually break it down like that. now that i read it again it seems a little directionless, everything is relevant the content is just a little all over the place

[theSMURF]

up, i need more detailed feeds

[Verbal Lee]

Ya know, I've noticed that the content in your pieces are often like personal meditations... I dig that your able to express your own thoughts so well and though you move through a lot of different topics they are well put together and work off each other nicely... kinda crazy how you used the same rhyme scheme for the first 20 lines or so haha...I love the rhythm of this piece how it constantly transitions between two to four rhymes every beat without compromising the flow...very cool....

[iLL sPoKeN.]

It's like some kind of sickness, trying to define existence.
we study ancient hieroglyphics, apply scientific methods
and ignore life's essence; no real answers but we're still persistent.
Life: I try to grasp it, yet forget to live it. And the minute I get it,

Damn, some emotional shit with ill flow...nice opener..it makes sense I feel it..

it seems the tides shift; stripping me of blissfulness.
Why is it my wrists are slit? They tell me “It's a sickness, you need prescriptions kid”
religion-less, life's a bitch; not even interested in living it.
You can't deny the unseen; recognize the eyes of science are limited.

Ill flow, but you went from religion-less to not wanting to live life..only flaw there..kinda like go...hault..go..if you feel me.

There are instances when we have visions of the unlimited
too aesthetic and intricate to be explained by physicists.
So don't deny the premonitions you get, savor it like your last cigarette.
Life at its simplest once existed now it's decimated by businesses.

This was fire dude...no complaints..great wording and vocabulary..

It's all corrupt and senseless, even with rap they let the missiles hit.
Seems the whole world's like “fuck what's legitimate.”
Theres kids enlisting in militant missions killing innocents
We need spiritual assistance, we need religious coexistence
People say I'm over-realistic...

Same as the verse above...damn son..

deflating egos; making people not seem so gifted.
I came to bridge the distance between fact and fiction.
A victim of my own wisdom, I consider it a hindrance.
Lighting spliffs, getting lifted is my only leisure

Great imagery here..damn son again!

and I won't lie: writing this descriptive shit is a slow procedure.
I'm just an overreacher, you can call me your chosen leader.
So theres no need to try'n vote, just feel these lines I wrote
Too many planets on my shoulders that my spine is broke.

I'm feelin' it fam...like you told me to...lol!

Its over, seems like my mind is choked; lifeless, tied with rope.
My eyes are closed, can't to cope with all this hopelessness.
Here lies my soul, or whats left of it, dead and motionless.

Emotion, imagery, vocabulary, rhyme scheme...complexity..all there..and you painted a picture conveying your message making this peace pretty crisp homie!

[Nika Subin]

Original piece, regarding the content. And when you've questioned everything you think you can, keep going. I'm sure we've all gotta do it eventually, and I'm sure we'll all reach the same conclusion. Eventually, we reach the point where we say, "This, I cannot deny." Usually when something is said that is true. It's a guard, and we put it up.

Without repeating what's been said. I think you could use every line in this piece as the topic for whole other verses. But that's assuming you go into detail with the verse, regarding the subject. I do think this is more of a post modern type piece, due to the fact that each line paints a pattern that reflects a post modern life. While at the same time, there is the pattern of personal reflection.

Which is to say, if you went on like this, I'd probably keep reading.