When I was eight
I saved a girl from a bully.
A fat boy with red hair
Who menaced the mcdonalds play place.
I punched him in his fat face
And watched the freckles turn purple.
That girl gave me my first kiss.
Now I have a terrible ache in my fingers
And hero complex.
murder murder
I really liked this. It was short and I don't feel like I can have much to say about it, but I read it and enjoyed it. The brief beginning I think is a good setup (though I wouldn't use "fat" twice) and the couplet was a creative take on things. I'd like to see more to this.
can I kick it?
SUper hero love.... Its cute but has that element of anger hence emotion is in the mix. Despite the length being so short. It still felt like a complete piece. Maybe just a bit of a silent rant...lol good lookin
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Scytsophrenia
On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.
[soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]
This is nice. It reminds me of something I would write. It's short and simple, and seems like you may of wrote it in a train of thought, which gives it a nice, raw image. I agree with spoken, you should refrain from using the word fat twice. Anyway, for what this is, which isn't much, it's enjoyable.
Life is a box of shit.
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