Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
Last edited by Noodle; January 28th, 2010 at 03:58 AM
Last edited by Tactixx; January 27th, 2010 at 08:57 PM
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There Will Be Blood..
(Volume: 1-From the crime files of Det. Carl Mason)
The date was late in May, somewhere around the twenty-eigth
I was forced awake by news of a jail break and many escaped
For me there was plenty at stake, but I told the Lt. to wait
It was ten after eight by the time I had finally left my place
My thoughts just paced back & forth until my head went blank
I stopped in for coffee and to put some unleaded in the tank
Went through the gate at the station where they were waiting
Parked my car in the dark, but both my hands kept hesitating
I started sweating & shaking, felt the paranoia being created
By this time I knew the boys would be getting more impatient
Gathered my thoughts & walked through the lot to the meeting
After a meet and greet we were seated for the initial briefing
"Oh Shit!" .....I said after I'd had a look at the list of convicts
I was convinced my murder would be one worse than a mob hit
Was there any way to stop this? Or was it all just nonsense
Alot of the men that I had sent to prison were now missing
And each one of them told me that revenge was thier mission..
Walked out of the Office nauseous and acting extra cautious
Checked my watch & hopped in the car to clear my conscience
Suddenly I was taken hostage as a plastic wrapped my cheeks
I reached for my piece & sent a shot clean through the seat
He let out a shriek and fluid from his spleen started to leak
Hackin up blood all over me, I target his neck with my keys
They slid into the fresh flesh slowly and he died with ease
Tried to make him speak but he simply couldnt comply with me
I had a positive ID, he was one of the jail society escapees
It had begun already I thought as I checked both his pockets
The feel of steel was surreal when I revealed my wifes locket
Then a neatly folded piece of paper with my new address on it
It felt like I was about to vomit when I'd got back in the car
My house wasnt that far, so I took the detour on Hwy.4-North
Drove the Ford up to my garage door & my porsche was torched
My veins course when I see my poor wifes corpse on the porch
These men had no remorse, they pryed her eyes out with force
I slumped down by her side & cried as my whole life was torn
She was pregnant with our baby boy that would never be born
I was forced to mourn by a nightmare bearing reality's form
Then I noticed something posted on the door.. still stunned
There was a note written in red stating "The Game Has Begun"
They'd taken my wife & my son, so until I find solace......
....There Will Be Blood
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Morality Hath No Religion
by Noodle
Strings are attached as our structure shatters, leaving the ash
To be a token of gratitude while misfortune is leading these paths
And each deity laughed, but heaven knows that truth expands
Foundation's a rock...sediments settled as we viewed the sand
Confusing plans with plots, hands are perfecting the skill
Connecting the will, but never taking steps as directions to build
So the stage is set, the master of puppets can grab the vines
And dictate reality through humor and couplets of random lines
Suspense is pantomimed through a stained glass mirror
While our fractured souls see nothing, but that pain gets clearer
What's in a god with no passion?
What's in a god with no purpose?
What's in a god with no class...and
What's in a god that keeps hurting?
Each treasure is earthly; the chest was opened by steep measures
As each letter becomes precious, nothing is spoken of these pleasures
Weak efforts keep hearts strong when lacking perception to depth
But when he tries to prove a point...he ends the sentence with death
And repenting to a deaf figure seems to never fit these occasions
While the incisions match his markings, he didn't get the abrasions
Sifting through pages of irony, hopefully preaching a message
While the ink seeps into his hands without him teaching the lesson
It was mentioned in the times of Christ, but he resembled trash
The Body was never taken alive; it's obvious why the Temple cracked
What's in a dad with no passion?
What's in a dad with no purpose?
What's in a dad with no class...and
What's in a dad that keeps hurting?
Molding the brick before it dries, unfolding a wish before it dies
These are the cries of a real father helping his kid explore his life
Each road's a lie...the stretch is narrow as the streets are wide
But we just hide in a bitter taste while our wounds bleed inside
Every right choice and wrong option are competing for hope
Seeing the rope hang above our world with no meaning to hold
It's a devious joke, people screaming to float in the mazes
As early seeds are watered down by their growth through the ages
Sheer amazement whether there's a haven for forgiveness
There's nothing wrong with being right, stop blaming your religion
What's in a son with no passion?
What's in a son with no purpose?
What's in a son with no class...and
What's in a son that stops learning?
Morality. It defines it's own faith.
tactixx - this would be a good opening to a piece with a longer story, but for now it is simply an opening piece.. it wasa good piece too, their was great imagery, and a good set up the timeline of the story was proprtionate and the deeds of the criminals was very descriptive as well as the cops reactions... pretty nice stuff, but the rhymse were simple.. you definitely inserted internals but they were one syllable rhymes.. good story tho
noodle - dope concept dude, the stanzas that were broken up by the dad/son/god/ thing was dope, and the flow was solid the whole way through... no line that resonates like crazy, but they whole piece put together was really good... this impressed me for sure, flow was very dope, and an original concept to boot
v - noodle
tactixx bruh, your shit was good BUT you lost teh vote because this was more of an opening to a story, without a doubt, and it was unfinished.. maybe a part 2 next week with some twists and such? whatever comes to y ou man lol, good battle here but noodle got my vote
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Tactixx - Cool little story you took on. Nice descriptions, pulled the reader in...sometimes the lines seemed to have forced the rhyme in some places but maybe it's jsut how I read them. The locket was a cool way to take the piece to the dude's house and family, ending was cool to actually finish with the topic...good piece.
Noodle - Damn dude...real nice take on this topic, and incorporating the strings in the first stanza But Your piece reflected the piece perfectly...a God over the father over the son...then you end it by saying break free from the strings, and stop blaming them...wow man. Dopeness...
Molding the brick before it dries, unfolding a wish before it dies
These are the cries of a real father helping his kid explore his life
Real nice...
Vote - Noodle
Cool look on the topic...
This is my signature...
tactixx - story moved forward consistently... there were a few lines that read smoothly, but thru the majority of the piece i felt like the wording was just a lil bit off regarding the way the rhymes were formed... there was this constant feeling that the piece seemed to be designed to get to the next rhyme as the first goal, and the story was the second goal...iunno - one of the few lines that didn't feel that way was right at the beginning where you said 'told the lt. to wait' - decent piece
noodle - wording felt quite smooth and you progressed towards your point without many sidenotes... piece was enjoyable - i liked the refrain as well... made the piece more complete imo - good work
v/ noodle
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I'm dead.
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Hence Forward
Noodle wins (3-0)
Tactixx loses (2-2) and signs out
CLOSED
Legendary Song - Winter Snow
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