someday, somehow

[Da Kidd Tragedy]

someday n somehow
i choose to frail
i have no ground
i will to scream
but i have no sound
so just is your presence
that reminds me off a cloud
shifting its presence
someway, Somehow

Someday somehow
i stare beyond the border
dreams as long as time in distinct order
i loose self consciousness as i attempt to border
embark upon a journey so sweet n yet dangerous running away from my past
someday, somehow

someday, somehow
the truth will be revealed
my undying love will finally grind away from what is real
as luck ticks n the clock continues to move
i become ever so later to reprimand the costs that's due
without a blink of an eye i watch her walk away
with the presence of a cloud
how do i make her stay?...
i have to get her back no matter what it takes...
i need her in my life......
Somehow, Someday

[Soul Slayer]

THe had a very basic concept man. You had a voice though, thats what important. The first stanza did not do much for the piece. It could have been worded a whole lot better so that more people can relate to it. Its a decent read man but you need to use metaphors and alliterations to enhance you poems. Keep writing duke and feed pieces by other people. Only then will you get better at this.

[Spoken Deity]

check the rules... you need 2 links of feedback