Nobody Is Lookin At Me

[Kapital J]

Its my last minute of livin
And the clocks tickin
My minds spinnin
Eyes shiftin
While im trippin
Like I was drinkin
But no im holdin a soda
For once I know that im sober
But im still bendin over toilet water
Spittin up like a cobra
And as I get colder
I know that any moment
My whole life will be over
And nobody will notice
I'll just be another name
And then two days later
It'll find its place with my face
In the newspaper
.....tick... tock...tick... tock...
My life is quickly endin
Second hand is passin the seven
Thats twenty-five seconds left
Of this death thats been pendin
So as I hold the Holy Bible
Heart pressed against the cover
Say my prayers as I stare
At the ceiling thats above me
But then it disappears
And I hear the voice of the Lord
I wipe away the tears from my eyes
To clearly see a door
So I turn the knob And God is what I find on the other side
Him and his angels were lookin over me the whole time
BUT NOW I'M GONE

[Nahlidge]

lol @ the structure. why`d you choose to break ur lines up like that then have the 2 long lines at the end? rhyme scheme was pretty simple. could use some work in the content department. it just seemed too straight forward. like develop some ideas. work some metaphors and shit into your piece. it would make for a lot better read when parts of it stand out. nah mean.

[fazeT]

good flow
coo multies
structure, whew! nothin to kick a stick at!
keep up the work and lengthen your lines