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Thread: The Slaughter House

  1. #1
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    The Slaughter House



    Welcome to The Slaughter House...
    This is where they slashed my daughters mouth
    And brought her out with a water pouch
    With all her blood pouring out
    I vomitted from the disgusting scene
    This is the worst destruction seen
    This was too fucking mean
    Why did those creatures do this shit to me
    This slaughter house was the worst in history
    Known to be haunted to the max
    People that wander the tracks
    Will never be brought back
    They will be missing, tortured to yell
    Burn you, leave you torched like hell
    They are peeping through the area
    They will never be scared of ya
    Enter At Your Own Risk...

    I was scheming revenge when i see them again
    My anger is glowing, don't even need to pretend
    Trying to grab the best shit, like pickin out seeds and stems
    I'm grabbing the hammer, grabbing the knife and axe
    I'm striking back, i was nervous despite the fact
    That these things are weird looking, not even human
    I remembered the puking, and thought over what i was doing
    I was pursusing with the plot, don't care if I get stabbed or shot
    But i grabbed the glock, and unhinged the pad lock
    And stepped out of my shack in the woods where I hid
    Walked down the path, trying to find the slaughterhouse
    I finnally trotted out of the forest and arrived in the valley
    Turned around, and stared at place where they killed my family
    I stepped towards the house, up the stairs and opened the door
    Smoke coming from the floor, i had no idea what was in store
    It was dark, cob webs furfilled all the empty picture frames
    Heard some crazy laughter echo through this wicked place
    After all the scheming, i was gonna creep in while their sleepin
    Boot their fucking teeth in, and leave them bleeding in their dreams and
    Make them stop breathing for one and only fucking reason
    They killed my daughter and brought her to me, how vicious
    I opened the basement door, smelled like gross shit in kitchens
    But i still silently stepped down the steps, holding onto my breath
    Took a left and found a blood trail, finger prints and foot steps
    Saw the weird looking people, almost waiting for me to arrive
    They looked evil, I strived to deprive the weapons I provided
    Grabbed the axe first, is what I decided, started swining furiously
    They ducked and stabbed me, but it really didn't hurt me
    They were blood thirsty, I threw it instead at one of their heads
    It chopped it off, grabbed the hammer and slashed quickly
    Automatically hitting him, he was my next victim stricly
    I had to get my revenge for what they did, killed my kid
    So I imbedded the hammer in his brain alot
    Damaged his train of though, I had to make them stop
    I took them down, blood stains on my shirt
    And the gash they left me began to hurt
    Blooding rushing down my stomach, I had to get out of here
    So i ran up the stairs, but the door wasn't working
    And looked down and around the corner i saw shadows lurking...
    Last edited by Fatal.; October 8th, 2008 at 08:00 PM

  2. #2
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    Last edited by Fatal.; October 8th, 2008 at 07:37 PM

  3. #3
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    Re: The Slaughter House

    So this was a cool little horrorcore piece,,,,liked how at the beggining you were talking about how they killed your daughter or whatever.....
    it was also cool how you went to where it happened an was fighting with them.....cool plot....there were a few misspellings and things like that....rhyme scheme was good and you coulda used better vocab though.

    all together a good drop....I'd give it a 7/10////
    stay up/

  4. #4
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    Re: The Slaughter House

    thanks man. uppin.

  5. #5
    You've Earned a Custom Title! sir headless's Avatar
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    Re: The Slaughter House

    okay the topic, i dont really like it, but lyrically it was really cool keep it up

  6. #6
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    Re: The Slaughter House

    I really like pieces like this, they are my favourite to read.
    First of I really liked the picture you chose. It was nice

    This piece reminded me of films like, The Hills Have Eyes and Wrong Turn.
    You had some great descriptive vocab in your piece and some sick imagery.
    You ended the piece, great, you left the reader thinking
    One of the best piece’s I’ve read from you.
    I would like to see more pieces wrote using the same topic
    Truly nice work

  7. #7
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    Re: The Slaughter House

    thanks for the feed guys.

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