Jonathon (2-0) vs C.A.S (6-3)

[Märtyr]

I think we all know how this goes...but for the few new additions...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you turning faggit at the last minute and posting up an old piece you wrote years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh and don't do gay things that show how bad you really suck.

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

Peace and good luck!!!

[Jon]

Ah, C.A.S...

good luck

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...-0-361322.html

[Leonidas]

Since these were set up in the middle of the week...Is it still do tomorrow by midnight??

Check anyways

[Jon]

I get out, around eleven or twelve -
Been sleepin' all day so I'm ready for hell...
Get my keys from my parents, sneak out of the front
Got a gallon of drink and one heck of a blunt...
Many times has my mind stood right next to this stunt.
Pictures fly by as I trace over my spots;
So I put it in reverse and slide right out of my lot...
Go get some friends and get this show on the road
Switch styles from student into 'frat party' mode...
Shit's ridiculous, we arrive as the attention, they hate me
There was tons of booze; not to mention the ladies
I try to put my mack down on one who looked right
Asking her questions like what she's doin' tonight...
She said nothin', but that's usually trouble
I stumble and realize,
Clear eyes are drunk enough to see double
Gather my friends and head outside -
Couldn't drive but there was a bright side...
I got the girls number and hit her up over text;
Asked her where she was and you can guess
What’s next...
Hotel, Villa Swiss Inn - a cheap room; dirty n' shit
I was gonna swing by and see if we could flirt for a bit,
Knocked on the door, room 204, no answer so I dial
Her number; and after it rang for a while...
I got a key, opened the room door and on the floor
She lies taped up, ducted from the face up -
More blood keeps her company - her make up
Stains the skin of the men who raped her...
I'd save her but...
I couldn't stand the sickness so I refused to witness this...
.
.
As the sun started to rise - crime ceased,
They cuffed us & waited for our parents release
Me, caring the least... after seeing their cleanness
& stuffing the teen with every inch of their penis...
I wake up the next morning; get a paper on my way
To work, and it reads "A Brutally Raped Teen - Died Yesterday"

http://images.jupiterimages.com/comm...7/22595735.jpg

[Jon]

don't bother posting. its 6:11 PM the next day.

[Jon]

Btw, I voted on several battles, just don't feel like posting links atm.

& if I'm not here next week, don't give me the noshow, I'm in a bit of trouble so I may not be on here for a while.

[Märtyr]

Jonathon wins (no-show)
(3-0).

Open for feed.

[Daz]

this story's not fluid enough. It's to jumpy. I personally know you can write better then this and go more in depth with the story. It was an OK peice, i just know you can write better if you truly tried. but yeah, its ok, just cliche`. eZ

[_Lyrics]

i thought this verse was cool, you did a good job with the expression and storyline of the piece overall, i do feel like the it was a commonly used topic though, but for the way you wrote to it, the imagery was executed pretty well with detail.. props for dropping

[Jon]

this story's not fluid enough. It's to jumpy. I personally know you can write better then this and go more in depth with the story. It was an OK peice, i just know you can write better if you truly tried. but yeah, its ok, just cliche`. eZ

well i'm used to writing 46 - 60+ line pieces... So its hard for me to fit a concept in 36 or under.

but nonetheless, thanks for feed, i'll try to do better next week

and thanks for not being like the majority of RB who would be like "dope shit, keep writing".. I like critique