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Thread: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

  1. #1
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Human Trap
    Written By: Spekz & Opus.



    Jailed in ones body...
    ...The Human Trap


    My eyes play etch-a-sketch
    Consisting of lies and hate
    I shake my head in anger
    But the visions wont evaporate
    Placed behind scars, I bar none
    Only to bargain for Exemption
    As my pardon speaks silence
    So I sit lost in a mind I call home
    Where Body restricts self; confined
    As my veins gasp for air
    Choking back tears; resentment
    Maroons my entirety of shame
    Pools unnoticed dwelling
    In the depths of a blood infested
    Ocean, eroding life cocooned
    By the rapture of scabbed emotions.
    Barricades of bone shards cave
    On a trembling heart; broken
    I emote fear incased by glass
    Where my own reflection
    Stands guard. Mesmerized
    My attempts of escape shy
    Arriving to a familiar conclusion
    Of a cowardly outcome; I breathe
    A sense of resentment for
    My skin shrivels in the lack of
    Chivalry. I digress each moment
    As less of the freedom preached
    and more of the morbid trap
    of one self – self absorbed.

    My own skin ties my wrists
    An elixir of loneliness exists
    As the bottle remains capped
    Shut out from the world…
    …I remain trapped.


    Searching, wandering
    Hidden in the night, in the dark of time
    Cautiously treading through the thicket of forest
    Unsure of where you are
    Unable to understand the shapes of shadows
    Looming grey bearings, ready to shed their tears
    Crying in a maniacal sense,
    Laughing at your misfortune
    High walls of stone
    Covered in vines with thorns
    You are caged in this presense
    Pulled in the current of a river
    Forever moving forward
    Though your past travels right behind you
    Haunting you
    Trailing you with regrets and reminders of misery
    Completely consumed in time
    For it exists all at once
    Like a lake, only bigger
    Though the fence of humanity
    Forces upon its victims
    The need to rely upon time
    In the flow of a river.

    And so we are trapped...
    As long as we are human
    Last edited by Spekz.; February 2nd, 2008 at 09:46 PM
    Succeed Without Fear



    Written Voices

  2. #2
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Last edited by Spekz.; February 2nd, 2008 at 09:36 PM
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  3. #3
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Nyce lets get some feed now people.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  4. #4
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...nd-359737.html
    Hit up Twixn and my collab...

    The piece was reallly nice. Opus used a verse that KO'd me in the TBFL. And Spekz added very nicely [which isn't a surprise, he's Scytsophrenia bitches!]. The wordplay in it all was really well done and kept it's balance between complex and simple wisely. The flow of it all just brushed itself off of my tongue so it's no surprise that my mind started tapping along. I thought the imagery was beautiful. And emotion was there. keep writing guys.

    Pacino

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  5. #5
    Born from Ink Spekz.'s Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Thanks Fractured for the feedback..

    ..Upping for some more.. . .
    Succeed Without Fear



    Written Voices

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    The Don Pacino's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    RTF!

    Pacino

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  7. #7
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Up for more feed and I will frac be easy.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  8. #8
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Now feed this please other peeps.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  9. #9
    Halleluja Soul Slayer's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Fav lines
    So I sit lost in a mind I call home
    Where Body restricts self; confined
    As my veins gasp for air
    Choking back tears; resentment
    This was a great read real entertaining. It captured my imagination ....
    It was solid with a nice flow and some emotion in it....
    Not too complex either which is great hence i liked your wording.
    Keep writing marvellous pieces like this one man.

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    Scytsophrenia

    On that next level.. but STILL fuckin' crazy.


    [soundclick]7321513[/soundclick]

  10. #10
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    ^thanks...
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  11. #11
    -Camera Kisses- P. Mortuus's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    More feed please.
    Kiss me through the camera lens.
    TNL

  12. #12
    Respect the shooter Orc's Avatar
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Nice stuff, IDK what the order was, I wasn't paying attention to that. First dude's piece was confusing as he rhymed in some places but not in others. He had nice imagery and some nice wording. Second dude had nicer wording, some clever lines too. Both had nice stuff, so yeah, keep it up. RTF.
    LOL

  13. #13
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    Re: Human Trap (ft. Opus. & Spekz.)

    Pros - Very abstract piece allows for reader interpretation of the work which is cool. The images are strong and the emotion is there. Rhythm is smooth. The informal rhymescheme is not jarring because it is used casually. I could definitely tell two people were writing this.

    Cons - Maybe too abstract, makes the piece a bit impersonal for the reader.

    Overall - Very good piece, good images and ideas. Just maybe a bit too impersonal or morbid, but thats just personal taste

    -Regards

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