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Thread: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

  1. #1
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    the Battlefield... (haiku series)

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    The warrior’s art
    Playing the part of a guard
    Grasp hardness of steel.

    Running towards death
    Happily plunging to Hell
    My enemies swarm.

    I absorb the sword
    A morbid mind of torture
    The war vulture flies.

    .

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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)


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    Town Rapist Ink Poyzin's Avatar
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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    well.. look.. way too short for my liking, dude.. sorry.. from what I was reading.. it was good.. alot of shit could've been put into this to make it real dope.. don't think i'm trying to be a prick or anything.. nine small lines just isn't enough to interest me.. know what I mean?.. anyhow.. see you around, dude.. keep writing.. -un0..
    [YOUTUBE]gbEwHJX95QE[/YOUTUBE]

  4. #4

    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    Do you know what a Haiku is? If you don't like haikus coming in, then why feed the piece? This was pretty cool, it really did have a war-fever feeling to it. Thanks for feeding my piece with ledgenZ man.
    pZ
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    5xHoF

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    better than legendary Neruda II's Avatar
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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    I thought it was decent. It really didn't have that climax that I look forward to in haiku but you portrayed your ideas well. The topic is pretty straight forward unless you're really being metaphoric and it's not about a samurai who is wiling to die. The imagery could be a lot better, you have to be very selective with choosing the words for a haiku. You have a very small space to make a large impact. Keep at it though, you could have a talent in the field.
    murder murder

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    Dead from the Heart out. Addict's Avatar
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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    Ummm...Not a fan of haiku's but this was okish. Kinda bland and not much for the mind ya know...
    It started with a kiss and turned out something else,
    The blood coils in through my veins, I think of no one else.
    I never believed in much, but I believe in this.
    I’m incomplete without you, I’d kill to taste your kiss

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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    this piece was a good haiku.......the beggining middle and end went together very well...at first he's grabbing his weapon....then he's fighting///and at the end I envision that the vultures are eating his remains....For a short piece this had great imagery.

    For some reason it seems like the shorter pieces in this section have the best Imagery.
    and by the way its dope to see someone dropping haiku's in this forum



    great job....and I'd like to see some more haiku's
    this maight inspire me to write a Few myself


    pz and stay up Ninjah Red.

  8. #8
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    Re: the Battlefield... (haiku series)

    coo haiku, haven't seen one of these in awhile, imo i'm not a fan of these, but u did nicely place every element u needed into such a short piece, and props for that, imagery woulda been a plus, but not a must... emotion was straight awell, imo as a whole this was a pretty solid lil drop right here, stay up

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