4 Seasons f/ Vortex, P Mortuus, Engivale & Treazon

[ND]

this was a good read, all of you took clever approaches and personified the seasons well.
great description i could almost feel each season as you described it
my only complaint is to the writer of summer, your verse came off a bit cliche, some lines seemed awkward like you were trying to squeeze pop material (namely the drug and self-glorification lines) into a poetic peice


other than that it was great
you tried something original and you pulled it off, good job
9/10

[sILLable]

i aint believin yall sleepin on this..wake up.~1~

[Lay Fear]

Pretty nice collab, all the verses flowed together..
there was alot of emotion in the vocab..it was nice
nothing really wrong with this piece..in my opinion
imagery was good, structure nice..well put together
I liked all your verses..it was a good piece..I enjoyed reading it.
keep writing fella's

[sILLable]

the last bump.....

[Man of Steel Man]

yeah this piece was rather on point. your styles all complemented each other collectively well and no one came on any type of slack job. I liked the imagery...yeah im big on that and i could see it in each verse...plus the piece flowed nicely in every verse...my favorite lines from each were:

I’m the start of an era, as winter departs my art lifts the weather
Prepare the summer; autumn is my brother, shit’s whatever,
When it come to business we clever, never let a customer down
Taking a break when fate turns tables, catch you on the rebound.

Summer is Funner- Remind everyone we're
Human and good weather's bloomin' from under
the lunar-lit wonder -

He wrote of great hope but the people didn’t believe
How could they?- when all they see is agony- they see
beggars on knees- praying their deeds be rewarded- we
pacify our hearts- as the mist breathes through trees

whats worse is i can knock out power with a little moisture
spring helps growth, while ive frozen and shucked the oyster
open the cloister so we can pray in the cold weather
for years i blanketed the earth in ice, life's severed
we mistake summer for calm but winter for clever

id say this is top shelf in my opinion

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...es-356374.html

^^^if all four of you could hit this piece up id appreciate it...i dont have many experienced heads commenting on my pieces except for treazon holdin it down...so...yeah...i'd like to see where im at ya know

[Mysterion]

Spring

Urging forth for life, this whole spinning globe is our oyster
Giving moisture to make things grow, upholding your posture,
I liked that comparison man, very original and cool
Prospering in positive thinking, no blinking or stuttering
Fluttering like butterfly wings; ending all of the suffering,
Im not one to comment on how good things rymhed but cool rythm.
It’s poetic, forget death; I breathe fresh breath for ethnics,
Babies conceived in my new moon - boom like mushrooms,
These are the four seasons, leaving microphones a shaking
Streets awaken…; hustlers are bringing home the bacon,
To me it seems you went kind of off-topic..idk
Politicians are aching for a higher position than JAH
Making militant decisions, - while praying to Amen RA
bland
I’m the start of an era, as winter departs my art lifts the weather
Prepare the summer; autumn is my brother, shit’s whatever,
When it come to business we clever, never let a customer down
Taking a break when fate turns tables, catch you on the rebound.
Very cool

Overall- Pretty cool, I liked your comparisons used. Made you think, and made the piece more enjoyable.

Summer

Summer is Funner- Remind everyone we're
Human and good weather's bloomin' from under
the lunar-lit wonder -
pretty nice
A Planet of poles, can't stand on the soles of the feet
we keep planted on toes, heels and cold kneels to the heat -
I like this alot, im thinking your either comparing to global warming OR the topic, lol, summer.
The wheels of deceit turn and the sun burns in the sky,
I learn that it's my turn to be permanently high-
I don't feel this was as effective as most of this write.
If liquors a crutch, then it must be my leg is broken,
As I lay here smokin' my behavior is wrote in
so many lines I'm defined by the way that it's spoken...
that's ill, no doubt about it. Very original man.
But labeled the Open Mic writer that lights fires under you,
It's no wonder you can't write what I do
NO MATTER HOW HARD you try to!
This was ok.
I lie through my teeth it's a feast for the fire,
Summertime in the L... B....C 'til you perspire -
Beaches and sky for the eye to admire -
Find a supplier of green and the summer scene is acquired ---
Dream when you're higher than Cheech and one-line her-
Take her to some diner and later get her naked and sunshine her!
Another warm night, before light it's predawn -
I'm seesawin' often between Summer's Green and Red's Autumn...
Man, your making my feed seem played as fuck like everyone elses, and im not normally one to think a piece is dope just because they have multis, but shit. This was filled with content, and your multis were crazy. Ill flow. cool piece.
Autumn

Like a strife stricken life- it falls crippled & dead
losing colour- tread over, ignored- beaten bloody red
I like this.
it wept as did the clouds- raining sorrow & sin
And the melancholic writer wrote in Autumn again
ok..
He wrote of great hope but the people didn’t believe
How could they?- when all they see is agony- they see
beggars on knees- praying their deeds be rewarded- we
pacify our hearts- as the mist breathes through trees
harassing them- branches bashing brash lasses- sneeze
they see rashes on hands- their body all pulpous
but the writer writes on- inking words-works so copious
that weeds are ignored by taking weed & opium
Hoping them beggars will evacuate- move to pasture fields
because when winter numbs my hands-
I won’t be able to ink then anymore wordy meals

Sorry not to feed line by line like the others, I just got caught-up in the piece lol, plus your flow was so good it was hard to find a breaking point. You took the more simple approach, and I quite enjoyed it. Props.

Winter

you can smell my presence - blowing through to the south
no more adolescence... i've grown now so im loud
this was borderline. but since its the opening ill let it slide.
my breath takes even the most seasoned persons
bundled up in coats, snow boots and smoke, cursin
the first line was very cool. second was ok.
whats worse is i can knock out power with a little moisture
spring helps growth, while ive frozen and shucked the oyster
nice flashback to what vortext wrote, best line thus far. very ill
open the cloister so we can pray in the cold weather
for years i blanketed the earth in ice, life's severed
cool
we mistake summer for calm but winter for clever
and autumns endeavor is being stuck in between
I like
trees fall to there knees...then revive in the spring
can't believe i can be so destructive,angers erupting
but the most sacred holidays cause us all to be constructive
disrupting everyday commutes,frozen suits to stiff to salute
i bring out the best and worse, other seasons dilute, im kept pure
spring breathes warm air like some cure,the seasons mocking me
i come and leave with the same ferocity,whats attached?the strings-
no other season matches the destruction and peace i bring
as i leave you hear the wind start to sing - ushering a new spring

overall- pretty cool piece here tre, there was a couple of cliche phrases, which I can point out in almost every piece. But you still managed to pull it off.


Piece overall- Dope piece. I enjoyed this very much. Im sorry if my feed is dissapointing, I try to give it my all.

[WordPloy]

yea thanx 4 da feed yo

V