Wk4/ Emoshun (2-1) vs. Burden (1-0)

[Born To Kill]

Ok, Gentlemen, week 4 is upon us...
It's a smaller group of participants this round.
Too many no-shows...let's see if we get more activity without em!

If reminding is needed...it goes like this...

Check in by Wednesday...or YOU LOSE! No exceptions...
At the time of check in drop the topic you wanna write about...
It can be about anything...this shit is about you, the person, you the writer...
What you have inside you that you wanna get out in written word.
Be it your shitty week, the story of you and your girl...
Your inner-most hatred, your ultimate adventure...
Whatever.
BUT MAKE SURE YOU LET YOUR TOPIC BE KNOWN AT TIME OF CHECK IN.
This is to reduce the chances of you waiting until the last minute...
Then posting up an old piece you wrote 3 years ago.
I REALLY hope you don't do shit like that...please write fresh, aight!

Maximum 36 lines...if you drop more, your opponent can request a DQ...
AND HE'LL GET IT! Please keep these verses fairly quick and easy to read.
That'll keep votes and interest going!

Due Friday, Midnight.

That's all, I guess...please tear this shit up!!!

Peace and good luck!!!
.
.
.

[Orc]

Topic: What I want for christmas.

[Liquid Content]

I'm going to write based off my IE piece from last week.

Love Conquers All -
Visions Blurred

In realities fabric is a room
Where all can be found in symbolism,
Caution! The doorway could lead to your tomb.

There is a mirror, reflecting schism
Revealing the face found behind the mask
Of lies told to keep the heart in prism.

There is a clock, telling those who would ask
A once upon a time that would be bridge
To walk the path as exact to their task.

There is a television, with image
Projecting a false life through a false scream
Falling over the ends of feeling's ridge.

There is a bed, filled with the sleepless dream
With apparitions of the hopeless parts
But ever corrupted by others scheme.

There is a necklace, bound to be by hearts
Given in care, but lost when embody
Aristocracy in feeling for arts.

There is a suit, fitting to the body
Flaunting figures without even a nod
Without sacrifice it becomes shoddy.

There is a hat, reminded of a God
Even with highest minds it is above
Inexorable in ways of facade.

There is a person, debating a love
Reminded of the workings of a room
Of a room needing to fit like a glove.

With all parts it's as sure as rise of moon.

“Love conquers all things; let us surrender to Love.”

[Orc]

Can I PLEASE have an extension until tomorrow, my retarded net is cut off, I'm on my phone right now & it takes literally like 10 minutes to write a sentence, it'd be mad appreciated! As I don't want to no show, I appreciate it Emo/BTK.

[Liquid Content]

U was on earlier its 818 now u have til mid night. Im also on my phone

[Orc]

It was 1am my time, I'll be dropping in a bit when I get home, or are you taking the W?

[Orc]

Dear Santa,


http://www.jamiekivisto.com/images/2blindguys.jpg

This Christmas seems,
To have ripped to seams; everything,
and thrown my perspective into an abyss of dreams
Sadistic means, took their course and the situation worsened
The 24th of December was were God hastened, curtained
My hopes for a happy holiday, As I strolled home
Journeyed on my lone roam to go zone,
But then, ..My eyes were blinded with caliginosity,
I couldn't breathe, Pain entrapped me in animosity,
I fell to the ground, clutching my chest furtively,
The cosmos changed colour, I blinked less assertively,

I woke up, & The room was plunged into blackness,
Something was missing, was I attacked? This
very moment a voice sounded ; Mr _, I am your assigned doctor,
You're blind, fell on your head - the mind stopped there,
You suffered an extreme stoke,
Sights seams are threaded gently ; now the seams broke.
The church bell rang with a sinister chime,
It was Christmas day, my life was finished, entwined
With the hapless.
Strapless, my eyes were gaping holes,
Tactless,
I lay there mellow, & bellowed after a pause,
My grief enveloped me, ..Sadness, the dastardly source
Had that cunt God left me blind without lasting remorse?
That heartless bastard, of course.

So Santa, I've never really believed in your myth,
But please let it be sight, ..If I'm receiving a gift.

[Leonidas]

Emoshun- Your piece was written very well. Your lines were something fresh to read and your rhyme skeme was on point. I felt that you could've conveyed for emotion within your piece though to give it that extra boost. So only thing I would say is, add a little bit more emotion, and the middle line in your 3 lines sections..I'd shorten them a little in the middle to help the flow in some places. Good read though.

Burden- Burden, nice piece here aswell. I saw your piece, and the structure of it could be a lot better...But once I saw it, I didnt think it was going to be half as good as it turned out. You had good vocab to fit your piece and a good rhyme skeme as well. Emoshun focused more on words and his piece, but you focused more on your piece and emotion. I thought your story was good, some places it could've been better.. and maybe had a little more to the story than what it did...But overall, nicely done piece

Nice job to both of you...But i gotta go with...
\/-Burden

..Both of you please hit up my battle with Uben..Thanks.

[Erun.]

Emoshun… Good drop….very original. I liked the style you used and your topic….and your flow was good for the most part but stretched in some.
There is a mirror, reflecting schism
Revealing the face found behind the mask
Of lies told to keep the heart in prism.
I thought those were the best lines in your drop….overall I think this was the best piece I’ve read from you. It would’ve been a lot stronger piece if you implemented more of your own emotions into the verse.

Burden… Your flow was smooth all the way through. I liked your topic and how you started off and how you finished off, but I thought the body of your text could’ve had more depth in it, the emotion was all there but for a solid piece that’s what I felt was missing.

I thought Burden took this just slightly because of his use of more emotion, I thought he put more emotion into his words whereas Emoshun focused more on complexity. Closest battle I’ve voted on so far.

Vote – Burden

[Liquid Content]

Im on my phone so i dont know if born said nething but burden i said no extension

[Orc]

wtf @ saying no extension because you're losing, stop being such a little faggot. I COULDN'T post on time, otherwise I would have, I had NO INTERNET. You told me I had till midnight, when it was 5AM MY TIME, so, technically, I had till midnight where I'm at. I dropped a few hours later, so TECHNICALLY I met your extention. Born, hopefully you see this cunt is only saying this shit because he knows he lost. It's your decision.

[Liquid Content]

Dude u was on all day posting t had time then. N it wasnt even past 12 eastrn when i said no extension

[Orc]

yes it was u retard, either way I wasn't on. Just man up & take a fucking loss jesus.

[Erun.]

seriously tho, i can't believe you would refuse to give your opponent an extension, thats straight up bitch move right there man...wow. If you posted a no-show verse i'd understand but you actually tried. Funny enough YOU lampejo were late on our battle when the league first started out remember, i could've just taken the win cause i posted a bullshit no show verse and then you and that other guy show up a day later postin late, i didn't get a loss and i ain't complaining, i just wanted to remind you that you've been in this position before, so stop being a hypocrit.

[Chris Black]

seriously tho, i can't believe you would refuse to give your opponent an extension, thats straight up bitch move right there man...

If his opponent showed on time, their woild be no discussion. Emoshun Posted two days before the battle was due & Burden still needed an extension? There's no excuse for that. Emoshun is doing nothing wrong by taking a win here. Everyone is busy & has problems, but if Emo found time to post his verse early, I don't see why his opponent couldn't post on time, at least.

Everyone knows their verse is due, days in advance. Write it in Word. If your net was down, yet you had the ability to post "I need an extension," you had the ability to copy and past your verse from Word.


I'm not saying I'm perfect. I've asked for extension before, but never after my opponent already posted. I'd rather post a garbage key than ask for an extension after my opponent posts.