User Tag List

Showing results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: Spiritual Moondance.

  1. #1
    Soule
    Guest

    Spiritual Moondance.

    mute Presents:
    Spiritual Moondance

    Close your eyes while I touch you with breath
    which has come from down deep in my soul
    Feel the love that engulfs you, replenish
    to make you as new and as whole
    see the shimmering glow on the water
    from the moon's gentle radiant light
    there's a sky sparkling brightly with diamonds,
    and a beautiful woman in sight
    It's a marvellous night for a moondance
    and the sterep's even playing our song
    I could hold you like this for a lifetime
    who'd imagine that love was this strong?
    Feel the breeze of the night like a whisper
    blowing kisses through soft flowing hair
    let my mouth find your lips in a moment
    as we float like a cloud through the air
    it's a scene which will go on forever
    for as long as we're husband and wife
    kindred spirits meant just for each other
    on this earth now, and in the next life.

    Who knew you weren't serius?

  2. #2
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Spiritual Moondance.

    I hit up ..

    The House We've Built - Brandon Cee & Engivale
    And
    Below The Sky; Above The Ground - Write

  3. #3
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    Knoxville, Tennessee.
    Age
    38
    Posts
    5,350
    Battle Record
    1-0
    Awards WOP Champion

    Re: Spiritual Moondance.

    I didn't like the content since I've essentially read the same story of young love now, and this is an exact total and not overestimated, 16,231,741,211,612 times and the story is never, ever different... EVER...

    You're still showing some decent writing skills in the mechanics, your syllable counts are good and that's a good start... I'd like to see you take the rhyme scheme up a notch and use more internal worded workings to speed up the pace and keep the reader's interest... Most of all I'd love you to approach a different type ot content than the content used for 75% of song writing. In any case...

    Thanks for feeding my piece with brandon cee and keep writing, I'll check back in on you when you've gotten some practice and gotten a bit more well read with the better heads on this boad.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  4. #4
    Soule
    Guest

    Re: Spiritual Moondance.

    yeah thanks. If it was up to me I'd completly stop all topical writing of mine. But the people helping me elevate "Atti mainly" says to stick with Poetry and Topical. Thankyou for the feedback.

  5. #5

    Re: Spiritual Moondance.

    ^shh.
    po'ethics /
    abstanticollective.

  6. #6
    Still in the grave Johnny 6-feet's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2002
    Location
    England, Liverpool
    Posts
    5,123
    Battle Record
    8-1

    Re: Spiritual Moondance.

    Quote Originally Posted by mute. View Post
    I hit up ..

    The House We've Built - Brandon Cee & Engivale
    And
    Below The Sky; Above The Ground - Write
    Then pm me the links and i'll reopen this. Until then, closed.

    SS League Record 31-8
    SS HW Champ
    14 x OM HoF



    To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 50 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Similar Threads

  1. Spiritual Books
    By Vis in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: April 22nd, 2006, 01:20 PM
  2. Spiritual Help
    By Cuban)(Mobb in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: March 20th, 2006, 04:10 PM
  3. Spiritual Enigma
    By -Crime- in forum Closed Battles
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: February 3rd, 2006, 10:31 PM
  4. Spiritual drop
    By D. Jizzle. in forum Open Mic
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: January 25th, 2006, 02:12 PM
  5. Are U Spiritual/Religious
    By ~LyRiCaL-JeZuS~ in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: January 27th, 2004, 01:27 AM

Posting Rules

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •