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Thread: Misguided Writer

  1. #1
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    Misguided Writer

    His paint brush was a faint lust for writing's simplistic joys
    Complaints hushed, he'd acquaint us with his linguistic poise
    He ain't just.. defeated, but broken: had a morsel in respect
    Only a new masterpiece could shatter his porcelain regret
    So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
    His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside
    Instead it ostracized finds that HE's what's holding him back
    Made claims he was bored of it all, he was molding the facts
    Really, he was folded & wack, egotistical, swollen & cracked
    Artistic merit was dissed, embarassed; then stolen & sacked
    one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
    His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades .
    So he prayed & aspired to be metaphorically blessed
    he enjoyed success, because his stuff was historically best
    But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
    From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
    Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
    An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective
    So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
    His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
    Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
    which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered
    His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
    Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
    Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
    Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent


    .
    .
    .

  2. #2
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    This was revised - a lot. I did post it before though. I'll leave my links shortly.

  3. #3

    Re: Misguided Writer

    nice i like the vocab

  4. #4
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    cool, I enjoyed banning you just as much as you liked the vocab.

    edit: he's only banned for a week, domain...

  5. #5
    Original Outlaw Domain 9's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    ^Gosh Damn Haters... LoL

    That was good, the vocab was on up there. Hell I need a dictionary to figure out some of the meaning but fuck it... I'm improvise and act like I knew what it meant or guess...

    It seems like you cut the ending short though.. like there should be more to it. Your flow was on point for the entire time and it made this piece a breeze to read. Maybe one of these days you'll get off your high horse and drop a collab with me!...

    Good piece

    2 Up!

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    Last edited by Domain 9; August 3rd, 2007 at 01:03 AM
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  6. #6
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    Nice I liked the vocab


















    but seriously, that made me laugh hard as heck. but on an even more serious note, your vocabulary was vicious and you did not let up. consistent flow with nothing at all that was forced. great job on that already. through the entire piece I easily caught on to the writer's voice and mood. The sense of character cast all the imagery that this piece can have, from his frustration and follies, down to the lowest he could go. The realization of how fake he knew he was destroyed the pinnacle of his achievements and the fact that I could see it all go down before my eyes made this piece as sound as it is. great job man, not much else I could say about it.

    fav. lines:
    He ain't just.. defeated, but broken: had a morsel in respect
    Only a new masterpiece could shatter his porcelain regret
    So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
    His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside

    ^best sequence of bars right there.

    keep it up homie.

    peACE

    ps. if you see my piece, hit it up if you gots time. thanks.
    Last edited by Ace of Aces; August 1st, 2007 at 04:50 AM

  7. #7
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    this was a nice verse man i think you really did improvise this well and thought it out more and really put more how you say...um... emphasis on the emotion man.. this was a great job man and i loved the voab man really well pertained and kept man... props feeble shit was ridiculous and well said man..

    Fav. lines
    one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
    His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades .
    So he prayed & aspired to be metaphorically blessed
    he enjoyed success, because his stuff was historically best
    But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
    From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
    Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
    An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective
    So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
    His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
    Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
    which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered
    His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
    Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
    Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
    Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent
    very deep and the depth of the meaning was well said man... props man.
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  8. #8
    The Notorious E.N.G. Engivale's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    Very nice work, Feebs, this is solid all the way through. I think at times you have a tendency to let your rhyming lead you on, but that's cool, it led you to some awesome points on this one. By that I mean, you might do something because it rhymes really well, but you'll find a way to kind of keep it going logically. Like:

    So he grew ineffective as positive feed fueled a silent fire
    His motives rolled out of control, hinged on a violent tire
    Which propelled his bandwagon to grow greater in numbers
    which, for equally malevolent reasons, his haters encumbered
    Like, the first two lines shown aren't all that effective, but then you go to the bandwagon thing and it all works. Nice job, really, to follow your schemes and get where you want to be going.

    There are two other parts of this verse that seem just way too forced, and the first two lines being one of them, I almost didn't read this piece and that would have been a mistake.

    His paint brush was a faint lust for writing's simplistic joys
    Complaints hushed, he'd acquaint us with his linguistic poise
    Like, I didn't like that, it seemed extremely forced, but then you start really getting into your character. But still, it's like you're so concerned with the perfection of it sometimes, that it loses a bit of personality.

    So he was forced to introspect; Never to be docked in pride
    His closed mind couldn't disclose signs of what's locked inside
    Fucking fire. That was pretty damned good.

    one idea was old & intact, never folded & packed away
    His greatest desire - to fade & retire with accolades
    Again, fire, this was really well put and the flow is pretty much perfect.

    But he lost track of this fact, his image back to black & abstract
    From an objective standpoint, today he was practically wack
    Of course, bias wears a crown; so views were subjective
    An already convinced mind cannot construe it's perspective
    Gotta give it up again. This part is really tight, too, I mean, practically wack might be a little bit on the forced side, but not really because of the topic and content, but it is really well put. 'The already convinced mind cannot construe its perspective' - doesn't make complete literal sense... construe means making a grammatical analysis, its not like the opposite of misconstrue, thats kind a common mistake, though, but thought I'd point it out, it still rhymes really good, and it almost works because you're talking about writing, but not quite...

    His artwork slowly developed into promotional writing
    Each time, it was harder to discover an emotional sighting
    Motives convoluted; even he couldn't surmise what it meant
    Don't feign artistic innocence, we've all plagiarized his intent
    The end was perfect for what the verse was, really great way to end it and kind of tie writers together in that we do all, at some point or in some way, end up writing stuff that is not altogether true or even for ourselves, but rather it is done to impress... or in this case sell... but still a great observation.

    I mean, I picked it apart just to find something else to say other than, "Dope." Cuz, quite simply this is dope. It's not quite earth shattering, but this is pretty good, I'm pondering HoF nomination but I'm not sure that the topic itself is important enough... Maybe.

    A.I.

    "She managed to extract from the restriction itself a further delicate thought, like good poets whom the tyranny of rhyme forces into the discovery of their finest lines."


  9. #9
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    thanks for the feed, dude. Construe isn't only used in the sense you indicated, though. It's definitions include to "interpret", "make sense of", and "assign a meaning to". In some cases it can be the opposite of misconstrue, but I wouldn't go as far as to say it 'usually' is. But it can definitely be used outside the context of grammar. I intentionally used it like that to give a sense of being "pieced together.." but I admit now that you point it out, it seems like a weak use of the word. Anyway, appreciate the feed, especially the criticism cuz that's what will help me write better next time.

  10. #10
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    This was a very solid drop...I mean your vocab was amazing and the entire piece was worded great..you went multi crazy..I guess that's the text in you..basically your style of flow..nice..The emotion was jam packed into each sentence and the imagery was amazing........overall this was one of the best OM's that I've read on the technalicality side of things..props on a good drop..
    RTF pls...

    1 Heart. 1 Beating.






  11. #11
    You've earned a custom title! Cody Nash's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...od-344520.html
    ^this is for you.. so far it's gotten a solid from everyone. no bad feed..



    it sounds like the story of you leaving the LLL and coming back j/p homie.. but yeah, great read. honestly, i thought it was going to be bland by the title. i expected just another story about a writer who couldn't find his way.. which it was, but you intensified the subject with your insane vocabulary and metaphor. I definitely had to think about a few lines and words when i read them, which i like because it helps me to better my motive of thinking and not to mention my semi-decent vocab skills. i like how you shows not only a writer losing track of himself, but you showed it by telling the reader about how this inparticular writer is losing himself to writing about things he's told and things that'll benefit him as a writer rather than the things that he loves to, or enjoys, writing about. definitely worth the read, thanks feebs.


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  12. #12
    MAD! A Disciple's Avatar
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    Re: Misguided Writer

    Fuck you

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