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Thread: The End

  1. #1
    Anybody still here? Freeney's Avatar
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    The End

    Sitting in the lonesome of dark
    Wondering how I got here
    Water drips and inmates bark
    Losing my mind through my fear
    Reduced to an animal and nothing more
    For supposed actions that I partook
    Watching rats manifest on the floor
    Giving me the poorest of looks
    And as the darkness consumes me
    I'll find light memories in my mind
    As piercing gazes cut through thee
    My blood begins to flow like wine
    Two cold pieces of steel are drove into my hand
    Pain is great but mental awareness is key
    As I take my mind on a stroll through the sand
    I feel the unemotional beings around me
    As the mysterious mask floats in the darkness
    Something takes me over unknowingly
    He rears back his heavy arm with distress
    I rip my hands from the shackles that hold me
    Uproars ensue, people rush the hill
    To get insight or a closer view
    To see my revenge of will...



    The ground shakes and rips apart
    An evil smile spreads upon me
    Flames burst through, light turns to dark
    I will kill anything that stands before thee
    People go mad, attacking their loved ones
    True hate on earth finally exists
    World religions turn to dust, no more native tongues
    This hell on earth is my eternal bliss
    I make dead things come to life
    And make living things come to death
    Give every sinister being a knife
    And grasp the life out of anything with breath
    To take the throne of misfortune
    Is a task to take pride and bask in
    I will uphold its stature and portion
    But reveal myself in the end
    I was once considered a savior
    But now I've ended that reign
    I am not the son of GOD, never possessed that behavior
    I've always had fire in my vein
    and everything will die, life and land
    I am not the devil but the son of man.
    Last edited by Freeney; March 6th, 2007 at 07:26 AM
    Coronavirus can't get me.

  2. #2

  3. #3
    Anybody still here? Freeney's Avatar
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    Re: The End

    upping for the people who are going to leave feed.
    Coronavirus can't get me.

  4. #4

    Re: The End

    not bad at all. honestly im not really a big fan of the AbAb rhyme scheme. kinda played out anymore. though i did find this one quite interesting. very good work, man. flowed well. seen exactly where you were coming from. vocabulary was a little simple. truthfully though... vocabulary isnt everything to poetry or hip-hop. thanks for the read.. nice and smooth. keep on writing.

    peace.

  5. #5
    Anybody still here? Freeney's Avatar
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    Re: The End

    upp
    Coronavirus can't get me.

  6. #6
    Compositional Standard Spoken's Avatar
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    Awards SS HW Champion Haiku Champion FL Champion PS Champion/IE Champion WOP Champion OM HOF PC HOF 50+ Wins

    Re: The End

    this was cool. the inner rhymes were creative aswell as your wording choice and vocabulary usage....the only hting i didnt like was the rhyming i mean it doesnt need to rhyme and like i said before poetry isnt baout creative rhyming for the most part its more of a put your thoughts down in structure and express your thoughts through creative words put together in one haiku or freeverse or villinille or poem.ya know whatever...when peeople rhyme off they sorta hold back from what should be produced outta the topic ...understand?...but you did good i mean dont get me wrong i just felt that it was jheld back from being a more off better piece...nice job though man nice to see your back into writing....keep it up and hit me up if you wanna collab.


    do it big
    ARTIFICIAL | PO'ETHICS | INTELLIGENCE

  7. #7
    Anybody still here? Freeney's Avatar
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    Re: The End

    UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP.........cmon dudes.
    Coronavirus can't get me.

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