the circle

[ChoPs-Sticks]

i forsee rejection therefore my passivity takes control
my body is frozen, my tounge is tangled, my nerves take their toll
i take action upon a supressed emtion i should have let sit
the future i predicted comes true a great hope remains a wish
the present is more lonliness everyday is the same
plauged by the sadness and tears that are infecting my brain
actions speak louder then words and you were screaming to stop
we could have been more then what we are, our friendship is now lost
i am falling to reality the collision is imminent
the impact is near heart break i am partially invisionin
i tried to hold on to feelins i possessed deep inside
words that should have been held back i wanted to say i should have lied
so where am i now, right back where i had started
the situation comes full circle and the result now is us parted....

[DaGyrlRemarqabL]

This...
was REALLY good..Powerful, strong emotion and very beautifully written. You're definately talented. More peeps should be peepin this. I really felt it.
Stay up n keep blessin us.
Peace.

[Ghetto_Samurai]

Originally posted by DaGyrlRemarqabL
This...
was REALLY good..Powerful, strong emotion and very beautifully written. You're definately talented. More peeps should be peepin this. I really felt it.
Stay up n keep blessin us.
Peace.

^^^^^^^I agree fully wit what DGR said dis was hot keep postin dawg
U can only get better~1~

[ChoPs-Sticks]

thanks for the feed back... yall keep it coming...

[Varentao]

the aptly named Ghetto Samurai said it all for me....so well put...*rolls eyes*..

...okay, so i felt the basis of this piece was very good...you approached it kind of fresh....adding depth to it, which was quite 'reader friendly', without a certain amount of 'peronal' depth to it...

....even though at times i felt it was a bit shaky....like you had just done it, and hadn't gone over it enough...what i mean is, some parts weren't as well executed as they could've been....but still, a meaningful piece....with a nice twist at the end...

....respecto...