The Hidden Diaries: Cannibalistic Needs

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks preciate the comments and thanks again for nomination

[EyeCandy]

its cool.........is there gonna be another part 2 this?

[P. Mortuus]

This is part 2 lol, remember the demonic seeds, that was part 1, part 3's gonna be the last one

[Dyl]

This was a dope ass piece bro.I wouldnt expect anything differant 4rm you.You had great emotion involved in this and some brilliant creativity.Vocab was good to.You gave me a great picture in my head of what you were talking about and it was very well displayed.Keep this shit up ro u know ima fan

[EyeCandy]

This is part 2 lol, remember the demonic seeds, that was part 1, part 3's gonna be the last one

lol my bad.. i meant part three... yeah i kno bout the first 1 cah i did read it...
stil i'm lookin forward 2 the 3rd one.... g/l wit it...

[P. Mortuus]

thanks preciate ya being a fan Dyl lol, yeah third one will be out but i just finished a colab with mista grim, which should be out soon

[EyeCandy]

aiite cool holla at me when it dun aiite........1

[Bounce]

I'd hate to rain on your parade so to speak, but this is good, not OM HoF material though. Wel not anymore, we've upped the bar for OM HoF and I know before other peices made it in, but not any longer. This was a good write, but you had too many errors in it to be considered great. I mena, you choose nice word groups but fail to deliver on them when you put things together like...

Sins causing life to get sudued...

Come on now, that made my skin crawl, it was like a scratch on the record or chalk board. Just a novice mistake inthe use of language in a write. You show potential, but you have loads to work on. You could weave more complexdity into your write and project some emotive content, you have all the precursours but fail to engage the reader. I know you might have all these new wwritters running around calling you dope, but don't let them stagnate you. You have a long way to go for dopeness. This could have been dope, but like mentioned you failed to deliver, also these styles have been seen before. Come original...


there were more issue than the one ZI pointed out, your transistions need some attention, and although you are writting about profound things, your message does not come across as profound. That is a key sign of a writter in need of work. Expeirence comes with time, join SS when you get a chance and gain that experience, soon with dedication your writting wil flourish...

[EOS_GangGreenEnt]

I am gonna agree with a comment lef above, its kinda borin in the beginning, it takes awhile to kik off. Its dope no doubt, the rhymes are were they need to be. You also were pretty consistent in your rap. You should do wat i do, post a beat or instrumental that would go good with your lyrics. That way wen people read it, they'll hear it in their head and be more interested.

[big j da fat boy]

yo this was some nice shit man. i really like it it has emotion in it an it flows pretty damn good . just keep at it man i get in more detail later. when i sign back on

[P. Mortuus]

Thanks for preciation from y'all and bounce don't worry about ma parade lol, everyones givin' there views but yeah your write in saying i got long yet, maybe once i've completed a year, i'll be better, as for join SS, i'm not sure i'm ready......Thanks and preciate y'all taking out time and leaving comments

[P. Mortuus]

Last up for the day

[CrosT Over]

"Man is an image of God, yet malformed and flawed
Unlike Jesus, man fell, when satanic temptations called"

whole piece was nice good vocab, word uasge, i liked the multies
i quoted what i thought was the best line,
nice piece i will have to look for some more of your pieces

[A Pimp Named Saucy]

This was good.....Strcture was nice.......Beggiging was mehh tho i was getting into the story after awhile.......Flow and emotion was also shown and also was vocab........it was nice tho idk be alil more creativity with ya shit........tho your nice with ya shit so pz

[Paramik]

Now this peice really had me in awe. Very dope masterpeice. I admire your work very much. The title was very tempting so I went ahead and read this OM.
This was a very good OM. The begginging of your peice was really good and I like how you started off with the imagery of hell and can grab the rader to want more.
The complexity was admireable and I can understand was your emotion to this OM was. Thiswas a vey original peice from you and your outgoing and ingoing emotion to this peice was to the top. you had great emotion in there showing the religous and non-religoius views of many. Looks like somethign that can be taken out of the Releation of John. The imagery was phenominal and was awe-sipireing. Had good schenery from your verse and I can imagine the concpet you took place with it.
So overall Ingrenoius peice, keep up with the fantastic OM's and very creatice how you ending the verse. I would have not thought of that if I was making a OM about the bible.
SO overall I give it a 8.6/10 one of youe better peices.
Please take time to read some of my Open Mics and Feedback is greatly appreicieted.
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=272853