Didnt Ask

[Britty D]

I didnt ask to be brought, I was brought by a thought
Of having 3 kids on your hands and think 4 would be all
Living my life as a struggle, barely paying the bills
Could have taken me off your hand by just taking some pills
You cant see my endless pain your blind at the sight
I dont know why I fight about living my life
I thought my parents were suppose to be my guiding light
Mourning everyday and night cause this stuff aint right

Im getting weaker and weaker as my life goes on
My parents breaking up so know my damn sister is gone
Strung out on drugs aint a life you wonna live
I guess she wants to learn th hard way as a ghetto kid
Im not an angel whenever it comes to behaving I know im not
In school and I out of school I was always misbehaving
Getting in fight with the students and teachers
I was living my life but I wasnt living it right

[Britty D]

yo give me some feed back this is a true life situation 2

[Britty D]

uppin for some real feed back

[Britty D]

Talk To Me

[Britty D]

need feed back pls

[CrazyCarl]

Im not an angel whenever it comes to behaving I know im not
In school and I out of school I was always misbehaving
This is an example of where punctuation and cleaned up spelling would help the piece. I liked the first stanza better, I felt some of the images had more potential. The 'mourning' wordplay and 'hands' being repeated as something for the reader to focus on. The other repetition of words didn't work for me, it seemed like you needed better word choice.
Return the feedback
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=246631

[Britty D]

yo help me out on this one....
......................................

[Britty D]

Posts: 106
Joined: Oct 2005
From: Ohio
Age: 16
Status: Online
Battle Record: 1-4
IP: 29E7 BAB3


yo help me out on this one....