Something I was trippin on

[Infamousfelonies]

I'm trying to stay focus
On the highway I'm open
Looking for the token
The one thats been broken
Ok man I'm open.........for suggestions if you testing
Momma told me theres no need for the stressing
Your life is a blessing
I'm looking at the meter
Theres this fine girl beside me and I really want to meet her
I want to know her standards
I want to know her limits
A dime like this you can't approach and be timid
My rims don't spin
I don't have a crew
But my mind stay spinning off exactly what I'm gonna do
She's staring at the car
I'm driving pretty fast
I better slow down lets not be predictiable
I'm thinking it's a lesson
But realizing it's a miracle
That I'm still alive
Looking for my pride
I left it on the dresser
But I'm trying to impress her
God please give me game
I don't want to blow it
I'm loosing my mind I don't want to show it
She came over to me
Ask me for my name
Ask me for my number
Man things have changed
When a women makes the first move
This is something that I can get use to
She got my information
She called me up
And with no hesitating
She ask me for a date
We met at the desired location
Had a nice time everything went fine
Like I said shes a dime
Everything I wanted
This is something for the fellas
There's always a reason
To put the past behind you
And carry on with the season

[Infamousfelonies]

is somebody going to read this i personally think it's going to be pretty good

[M9nd Fl_lkt]

The topic u were on was good, and ur flow was decent, sometimes there, sometimes not. as far as technical shit goes like with mutlies, internals, vocab, and rhyme scheme it sucked. Make ur lines a bit longer so u can throw all that in. and make ur lines about the same length to keep the flow steady. Keep writin and elevatin man.
Peep these when ya get a chance
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=214926
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=215739

[EyeBite]

ok....this was good but i noticed the strucutre was not even effecting the flow a bit..the flow was ok.....the best part of this is the rhymes....the rhymes were exellent the topic was kool...i enjoyed reading this drop...good job..keep it up...and keep elevating ........

[NaS]

when you dont drop 2 links, you rarly get feed (from experience).

[CrazyCarl]

The lines being structured so short threw me off a little. You showed some potential in rhyming, if you lengthen the lines you could do more internally. The story-telling in the second half was basic. The title, short lines, and longer ones scattered throughout make the piece unpresentable.

[Zim]

Sorry, but I have to say that I wasn't feeling this whole-heartedly. I thought that it was cool in some parts, but it really didn't keep my attention. I felt like I had to make myself read the rest. Verses seem better when you feel like you have to read the rest to gain understanding of some sort. I don't know, just not digging this. No disrespect.

[sILLable]

your structure form was tight....but tha length was shitty...your bars were too short...your imagery was tight...as was your vocab and wordplay...your rhyme scheme was simple...needs more multis etc.etc....keep droppin and elevatin.~1~

[Dan Dare]

You need to post two links, to two threads in OM you left decent feedback on, or this gets closed, thanks.

[SpItIt13045]

nice spit

[Renagade911]

Ur Lines Were Way To Short. U Had Decent Rhyming U Had A Good Story But U Could Have Done Better. If U Lengthened Ur Lines U Could Have Got More Out And Made The Story More Interesting. Overall It Was A Decent Piece That Could Have Had Improvement