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Thread: Drive By

  1. #1

    Drive By

    Cuts will heal, but emotional wounds take time,
    Hist first ride with the guys having homicide on his mind,
    Loading up Glocks, making sure the hammer is cocked,
    Putting bullets in chambers, imaganing who\'s going get popped,
    He\'s nervous on the surface, but tries not to lose control,
    It\'s like a hurrincane in his soul, he can\'t let it falter his goal,
    tonights the night for revenge hoping to sent that crew runnin,
    Driving by wit guns blazin, they\'ll never know that their comin,
    As they drove by the house all he heard was the blast
    the blaze of gun fire on the place as they drove past,
    it was so fast, he closed his eyes and pulled the trigger back,
    didn\'t matter what he hit, just as long as he was on the attack,
    The car drove by again to look at what damage they\'ve done,
    the smoke cleared and they could see that the war was won,
    as the body\'s lay motionless he sees a figure like no other,
    among the crew that lay there, he was the body of his brother,
    ever since that day he never the same,
    living a life of solitude slowly going insane,
    If he never loaded the gun or jumped in that car,
    then his life would be complete without this emotional scar.
    They say the best are kept hidden...its about time I came out of hiding.

  2. #2
    www.theilleffect.com djb's Avatar
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    this was ok. nothing really great. not bad though. good emotion. flow was on point for the most part. i would like to see a little bit more complexity in your rhyme scheme, but for a rookie this was good.

    please return the favor and drop feed on my open mic- a link in the chain

    link: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=154407

    thanks dog keep writing.
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  3. #3
    Banned
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    You need to leave 2 links to 2 open mics that you left decent feedback on or this gets closed, Thanks.

  4. #4
    That Shit Cray Chris Black's Avatar
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    This was cool. Twist at the end was aight. Work on wording and rhyme scheme and you'd be pretty nice. Keep writing, homie.
    Hence Forward
    axis powers

  5. #5
    snakeyes
    Guest
    "It\'s like a hurrincane in his soul, he can\'t let it falter his goal"(Death Penalty2004(R))
    Now let me just say that you blew the shit out of my mind with them compton city rymes. I'm diggin this thread, specially the verse i typed in the first sentence. That shit sound hard and poetic. Above all, you gets two,three, four, muthafuckin thumbs up.

  6. #6
    Banned Ace of Aces's Avatar
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    like wicked mentioned. nice twist to this brother, this was a good piece. keep writing. hopefully you can get in the league too.

    peACE

  7. #7
    thanks everybody for hittin this up......there is many many more to come.....i'm out....
    They say the best are kept hidden...its about time I came out of hiding.

  8. #8
    Newbie
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    I liked this pretty well I mean you stayed on tha topic and your structure was pretty good. You know man just keep it up and stay elivatin ... never settle for less than your very best!
    My rhymes have been writtin, then spittin, and and their invinsible to/
    I aint quitin , they aint been bitten, theyll leave u wit a continual flu/
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