While You Lay Sleeping

[Ace of Aces]

While You Lay Sleeping(Tonight)

I write this song from my heart
As this angel sleeps before me
Sleep away times you were hurt
While I pour my heart into words
And call it a song for you,
Tonight

The darkness seems to fade
And it’s not because it’s early
It’s just the light on your face
With every breath that you take
Girl you’re so beautiful,
Tonight

Chorus:
And I’ll sing this song
While you lay sleeping
Hoping that
You’ll hear it dreaming
Be still beautiful
My lips feel you breathing
I’ll love you always
Forever you I’m keeping

A goodnight kiss from you
Could never fade from these lips
Just like our loving memories
In both our hearts we will keep
With a promise of forever,
Tonight

Wipe away all of your tears
Cuz’ nothing could be more real
So please take me angel
And don’t you ever let go
Because together we will fly,
Tonight

Chorus

And we could dream
Of a perfect place with perfect people
But nothing, no girl nothing
Could compare to
What our loves created

I write this song from my heart
As this angel sleeps before me
Sleep away times you were hurt
While I pour my heart into words
And call it a song for you

[Foreshadow]

Ace this was real deep and Im feeling the emotion. You said everything in a nice way that alot of people can relate to. I know I feel the same way about my girl no doubt nice job on this.

[Ace of Aces]

thanks playa, its more of a song than just a poem.

[H1MS3LF]

This does seem to be more than just poetry, its a song like you said.

You didnt make all the words rhyme, you also kept some of it simple, and it went almost flawlessly.

I think you did right in dropping it here, as it is more of a 'poetic' song than open mic.

Chorus went very well with this piece.

I was really feeling it.
It expressed emotion and you stayed on track.

Great piece.
9/10.

[Ace of Aces]

thanks dog, i appreciate it.

[Ace of Aces]

drop links and i'll glady return the favour for ya.

[H1MS3LF]

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148281
Give Me Feed, Id Really Appreciate It.

Now Back To This, I Think It Deserves A Lot More Feed Than It Has Recieved So Far, Come On People.

[Ace of Aces]

ey thanks again man, i just hit that up, nice piece.

anyone else?

[Chris Black]

This was good. One of the better reads I've had this week. You displayed the emotion well, and your wording was really nice. Smooth, easy read. I enjoyed. Good job.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148031

-W1

[shawty"B"]

Ace, this is a really nice peice. It has wonderful emotion in it. The love that is felt in this is so great, and so pure. The poetic voice in this helped it out a lot cause not only does it show a lot of love, it displays a kind and gentle voice, as though you would never hurt her. Great job!

...........fav part...........

And I’ll sing this song
While you lay sleeping
Hoping that
You’ll hear it dreaming
Be still beautiful
My lips feel you breathing
I’ll love you always
Forever you I’m keeping

keep droppin
please return the favor
Helpless


....bless

[Ace of Aces]

thanks shawty, i appreciate it.

[Laureate]

This was pretty nice man....emotion ran high...and I liked your choice of words...mainly

"So please take me angel
And don’t you ever let go
Because together we will fly,"

That was my favorite part...not bad for a song...maybe could add some descriptive words and increase the level of vocab...add some internals....but overall this was an emotion filled piece...keep at it

-Lyric

please peep http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=148560

[Ace of Aces]

too much vocab is bad too me when it comes to my songs cuz i got music for this and everythin. its a song for my gurl.

[Laureate]

^understandable man...but its in the poetry section so I treated it like a poem *cough* link *cough*

[Ace of Aces]

thanks man, i appreciate it. keep it real.