Originally Posted by
A Disciple
Nah... it's not like that at all. My closest to a besty I have now says my emotions are physical - so yesterday I threw up like between 10-20 times but nothing came up. I call it gagging. In bed, trying to watch tv to get my mind off the shit while getting it "pulled" out or to a level where I didn't feel sick, tense, stress, and pain in my own body type shit. It was an exceptionally hard day... but today was much better so far.
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I get so tense that it hurts to even touch my skin some times... and other times I feel so gross if someone touches me I cringe. Mental illness and PTSD a bitch for real... I'm just trying to maintain and not turn into an addict or take on those tendencies now for real. It's why I stopped drinking too. THAT and my father drank himself to death LITERALLY.
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I owe this weeks mental and physcial hell to the creeper that thought it would be cute to remote control my computer again. Probably mad that I didn't feed into it and read the files he or she uploaded to my google drive.
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I'm not engaging, feeding into it, or harboring ANYTHING until I understand what the fuck is even going on. Stalikng has ALWAYS been a sickness that creeps me out. I mean one time me and my friend J hopped in the woods with her nephews spy equipment because our boyfriends lived on the same street. We didn't see shit and when we came out the woods my ex was leaning up against my car and I screamed. It was funny and a joke. I mean thats WAY different than a level like this and I still don't know who hurt me so like nah creeper... for real. Back up off me and come to my eye when I'm awake if you want some attention. And to be honest I don't even know if I can still throw this sick.
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Am I supposed to post my open mics here too or did I just misplace that verse?