Leaks in my heart

Leaks in my heart

Strum strum strum my veins as I’m glum
& saddened at my state- disinterested & chilled
like the organ donations; safely keeping my scars
fresh; in their icebox, to release another day….
And when I do you must flee- or be lynched
by the arteries, as my trachea regurgitates lies;
that you had instilled in my mind- my psyche
was a blank canvas you painted black with despair
and loneliness- yet my heart bled to bring life;
it’s a shame that it bled red, bringing anger & strife …

I walk parched lipped- my tongue twisted in prayer;
as I can’t seem to utter no words of compassion;
to an entity who drenches his own yet leaves me barren;
Am I not his too, or am I a believer of a false one
a misbegotten son went astray- left as a stray…
And did he never look back?- leaving me in filth
making sure it smears the headlines every moment;
whilst I read woes & writhed in self pity…inching
ever closer to reaching the entity- as I had once;
I had once kissed God….my initial high…

Disfigured harpies harp harmonics so discerning
that I spent every penny…buying their services…
then left alone bleeding- my heart leaks lost love
loved ones lost in lost lives left in lost Atlantis…

The praying mantis knocks at my door;
demanding I join it in it’s reverie as a witness;
yet isn’t Jehovah just another waiting to devour
my soul; & impose on me rules, knowing full well
it’s in my petty human nature to break them
as I broke many hearts & was thus heartbroken
bleeding through leakages in my heart…my soul
who’s going to save it when it’s already been sold
Let me pray with a forked tongue- sinning on the fly
eating apples & poisoning my life- my heart & mind…

Let it Leak…let the soul die…

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...ve-366709.html
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...er-366915.html

^^^

^^^

last up and then I'm forgetting it.

this was a cool piece. probably not one of my favorites from you, but this was def a nice piece. I thought your imagery was good, but it could have been stronger, your word choice just seemed a little awkward at times but overall it was good. the overall message was nice and this seemed somewhat pretty original. nice drop baron.

rtf
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...57#post6368157

I love how you word things. You're really good at putting words in the right place, now if only you didn't use words that feel cliche in this type of poetry. You have a lot of talent homie, but you really should strive to make your material as fresh as possible. Don't use words like loneliness/despair in the first stanza because it kind of leaves more experienced readers to feel like it's the type of poem seen a thousand times over. That being said, you made this piece your own. You really went indepth with your concept of the heart, done with care and precision. I didn't feel like it was corny and I didn't feel like it was overdone. Just right. The imagery is fucking amazing too. I hope to see a lot more from you in this forum.