Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
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Rules and Regulations
Good Luck!
Time to play martyr... good luck bro.
you too.
Meet Me Halfway
The Ghost Rider: A Tragedy Ventured
In 1997, I almost turned away from music,
my daughter went to Heaven, and my faith was ruined.
In 1998, my wife left me one last kiss,
and died from the heart break of that accident.
I jumped on my bike, with 55,000 miles to reach and give,
just contemplating life… and searching for a reason to live.
I was once just a man, now filled with fuel and sand,
ignoring the 'greater plan' until God gives me a hand.
My soul has been damned, scavenged through the land,
and everywhere I stand, I'm deprived of second chance.
A heart filled with torment, and a life forsaken,
while my body aches with thoughts of jubilation.
Spine begins to break in the center of its foundation,
my life's comprehension trades for humiliation.
Chained to this motorcycle, idle to unwelcome praise,
driven by a lack of faith, I ride 'til the end of days.
I watch blue skies turn gray; the background start to fade,
and no matter how long the race, seems I can never get away.
I just don’t know anymore, what am I looking for?
It seems no matter where I go, I just scream and pray,
there is no healing road... death, just meet me halfway.
Sincerely, Neil Peart.
A Moment Like This
Awkward Silence [Voices Inside]
picture this, the worst thing that you kept in a while
trekked for a mile, lost footing and then slipped in a pile
distance is vital, if you could then you'd drift in denial
as long as she slept near you while you dreamt with a smile
content with the vial, one potion leaves love interlaced
in case she don't make it, you want to be shoved in her place
where's the justice? wasted on the scum and disgraced!
so God better have the answers - or you'll pummel his face
got nothing to say that's positive, this blunder just stains
but if you're under the influence...pills must cover the pain
blast that main circuit board and fuck the jugular veins
nobody understands your heart, your tears rush with the rain
encompass the plain facts cause the awakening's rude
the silence could break a moment as it lays in the tomb
explain to the womb - "your child can't kick to survive"
but then that mother passes out while it slithers inside
when it collides with the fate, a father cries at his wake
the honor hides in liquid courage, but it dines with mistakes
and the horror finds time to bring the light to your strife
so when you die with emotion, flames rise from your eyes
Originally Posted by Calvin (Me)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeremy (Friend)
mind over matter, nothing holds importance for care
apples to ashes, fruit dries as you're just choking for air
it's not fair, compared to movie moments, it's square
notice the flare and the passion, but the hope didn't swear
see, you tried to tie the rope...and the note was prepared
but this friend walked in as family - thank God I was there
...for a moment like this
dagel - i mean this was ok .. i mean it was good for an biographical non fiction sort of approach tp the topic i suppose. kinda random to be honest lol, neil peart? wasnt feeling the way you aligned it right, the writing was on point for the most part. not anything spectacular or standout-ish at all in my opinion, was sort of a letdown to be completely honest .. this seemed like something you just put down for the hell of it and after having such a great showing last week i think i was expecting something more impactful. the flow was pretty basic, but overall it was a solid verse. not many negatives but like i said nothing really too outstanding about it as a whole.
noodle - i had a feeling when you got to writing the situation (which is definitely an emotional one) would greatly impact your verse and voila. you tied it in well with a generic topic and made it your own.
Quote:
where's the justice? wasted on the scum and disgraced!
so God better have the answers - or you'll pummel his face
these two bits were especially raw.Quote:
explain to the womb - "your child can't kick to survive"
but then that mother passes out while it slithers inside
there was a deep sense of pain that you did a good job of pushing through in this. there was no necessary direction, but anger and resentment oozed from the words .. liked the portion about movie moments too, its an idea that ive been thinking a lot about lately..
anyway. not gonna break this down too deeply because to be honest i didn't think it was terribly close. Dagel had a solid verse depicting the healing pain of another, noodle told of his own personal experience trying to heal the hurt. these pieces are actually very similar in many ways, but i think NOODLE pulled it off much more cleanly. in fact it seems like dagel kinda gave up and dropped just to have something there. which i would not have expected at this stage in the season, also considering how early he posted. but regardless
v/noodle.
keep doin it guys.
1
Dagel, not amazing.. not bad... you had more than this written when you showed me.. and you cut over half the piece.. kinda sucks that you did that 'cause like I told you, I felt like your concept needed more meat as it was... some lines were cool, but for the most part your entire piece just seemed too simple. not enough in it to even call it complete really.. the Neil thing by the way was just random as hell imo, not in a very good way.. you showed an average showing in a match that could've meant a lot more. sucks but ehh.. it happens. last week must've exhausted you.
Noodle.. I don't like the concept.. I mean, I wrote a suicide concept the other day with a twist... but the only reason I can even begin to like yours is because of it's impact on you personally.. the emotion in the piece was just raw as fuck.. you had some nice lines.. some wow'ing content... and you tackled an old, tired, rundown concept with a personal flare of your own.. which, despite not liking the concept, I can respect as a writer... dope enough piece to take this battle...
vote Noodle
just for the sake of voting..
ik dagel has sort of somewhat conceded this match.. admitting noodle has him beat
dagel this was aight.. concept was pretty boring tbh. a lot of forced phrases that reflected your... youth as a writer.. such as "idle to unwelcome praise".. idk just wording was off. last week was nice as hell, this just wasnt as up to par ya dig. flow was ok, everythign was just ok. like i wouldnt see this in the HOF, for instance.. you gotta be droppin above that caliber to get to the ss finals.
nudel - concept was played as faaack. anything suicide is absoluitely taboo. but foreal yo if this was real shit then nice. i kind of doubt it was though, no offense... but i mean, i dont know you or anything, so feel free to correct me. the emotion was tight, but not supa supa tight, which leads me feeling that it was a made up story with a personal twist in the quotes.. so yeah, not feelin either concept.. n00dels wording was less forced.. dagel had an alright peice.. noodles was solid id say.. flow was nice, a few cool lines. the appeles to ashes was very nice following with the choking part. cool stuff.. just didnt like the concept that much.
v - noodle
lackluster vote eh but i mean.. verses werent STELLAr.
Good run Jon.
Noodle makes the Finals.