SSR Week One: Cody Nash(3) vs Spoken(0) (Nash Wins via KO)

https://i.imgur.com/qpvB675.png

Welcome BACK to Sacred Scriptures! This week, we truly have something special! We're opening the season with fireworks as we dive into the shark infested waters with a Challenge week! It's simple really. Everybody has ONE topic, or theme I should say. Not only do you have the chance to win your battle, BUT the BEST piece of this week will earn a small cash prize! So, make sure to write your bloody heart out! This week's theme is ... TIME. Do whatever you want with that, just make sure you stay on topic or it'll hurt you in the votes and grand prize! Good luck to everybody!

Verses Due: 11:59PM Pacific Time, January 7th, 2022.
Votes Due: 11:59PM Pacific Time, January 9th, 2022.
3-0 is a KO, otherwise it's the first to 5.
No biting, recycling, or swaying (if a battle's open, do NOT discuss it)
50 lines max

@Cody Nash
vs
@Spoken

Oh hai

Yurp

"It Gets Better With Time"

shiny wrist watches are so unhealthy...but hey, nevermind -
that those 24 karat's couldn't tell me a BETTER time,
reach in my bag for my phone, to read every letter, like...
will she really show up? Or will I continue to sever ties.
I know she ain't a timekeeper...
10 minutes or more; late,
the writing says 7:30, but it's a quarter to 8,
can't put my finger on it, but she forced me to stay..
said "We're almost there, now..." what more's there to say?
my skin's lawyering up, the cold's forming a case...

I look up!!!

- but nah... it really ain't them.
just a lady walking with her child who's feelin' the fence,
fingertips graceful - almost rhythmically pressed,
she sees me and runs to mommy, grippin' her hand.
narrowed eyes as they pass.. almost feelin' my shame,
but then I snap out of it and I just remember to wait...
9 o'clock comes and there's a pang of disdain...
yo, SHE ALWAYS DOES THIS!! like she's ignoring this pain...
my baby needs me, for real man... I know it,
a little bit longer, she'll be like, "Daddy where we goin'?"
I had commercials I'd shown her, the hype was no question,
I got tickets, gate 6... big screen - no stresses,
lookin' back she'll remember we saw Ratatouille... '07
but then I look at the clock and it's closer to 11...

Okay, this is kind of weird.. like my foot just keeps on tappin'..
I stare at that text again, all my movements? Ice crackin'
I swear it's gonna be okay...but I can feel time snappin'
this is crazy, but... I kinda stink and my shirt is semi-ragged...
thinkin' I shoulda showered before we decided for this to happen.
then I remember it's dark out - there's a tear.. and now I'm laughin'
'cause isn't this ridiculous??? Where are they God damn it...

I text back and... AGAIN?!? There's that red caution alert,
like her phone's off or something??? nah, man... I'M HURT!!!
Can't she just keep in touch? all this time on this bench...
Just this once, maybe, I can do what I've said?
- Ooo, another nice watch!! That guy's walkin' REAL quick,
I stand to get a better look, but then this punk little kid...
...slaps my cell, and it skids! As he pedals his bike - rides away,
that phone slides across the pavement... my life on display.

I can't handle all that shit... but I'm still runnin' to grab my phone
pick it up, the screen is cracked..that "on the way" text stands alone,
my heart's racing.. in a panic... but relief has grasped my throat -
I go to type another message: "This damn kid just smashed my phone."
but no... I can see it now - it isn't gonna go through...
I check the time again, and it says 12:14 PM, Saturday, 2022...

Oof..
that's what the kids say now, right? that's sayin' somethin'
was suppose to see that movie, then I remember they ain't comin'
they had an accident on the way; I had waited, they never came...
I had this apartment at the time, but traffic ruined EVERYTHING...
I couldn't work, I couldn't pay... after a while, I lost my friends..
they couldn't help me anymore and so I ended up like this,
icicles on my wrists, admiring others with their karats,
I use to wait on many things, hit this bench like I'm preparin'..
my fluid motion grainy, but I ain't here to distill truth..
time is an illusion, as it passes - it tries to kill, too..
lately, my beard is greyin'..'07 jeans, but I still move...
I just wish we'd seen the movie before that drunk driver killed you.

This urban feelings remose
Hieroglyphics are fading,
Bedside; stay afloat
Among the awkwardest painting.
Whispers among the crowd
Yet i cease to exist.
Atoning my sins aloud
Still the vocals are off pitch.
Treading lightly off the crisp,
Follicles wading through the mahogany.
Barely a breath staining the carpetry
Who ever said it would be like this.
.
.
.
Properly shaping the witchcraft particles split in the mixing.
Often tainted a whiplash orchestrating to fix things.
Fumbling over the desktop, hard drives failing to capture
A caricature letting the meds walk through mainframes in a rapture.
Nose bleeds pedaling madness; sifting locations,
Oracle seeds planted for the vision that evades us.
Im leaning heavy on fifths griping over creations,
Conclusive ive made the slips required to just to escape love.
.
.
.
Chutes and ladders, roll the dice and discard your hunch,
Bored games when the light bill couldn't suffice for the month.
Mr. Ripley's, i couldnt believe they would even like this front,
To my surprise we spun the bottle, just to skip what i liked so much.
Rinse, recycle, repeat. As the flask shook when i coped,
Point nine percent hugged my lips tighter than the nylon rope.
They say time heals all wounds but mines left open go figure,
Where demons tube through the slides and coasted the lazy river.
as the seconds wade to retire behind the glass below the ceiling
Throw the paperplane parchment sailing the wind with my feelings.
As it descends below the threshold
.
.
.
Landing on the soil where my heart was disowned.

No love lost. Just time



-Spoken

Cody - nice piece, story was easy to follow and the man wiaiting for his kid to turn up but thinking the mum is taking long or maybe not coming is really relatable to this day and age. What I liked most from a literary point of view is how you managed to effortlessly skip the reader forward in time so naturally, it wasn’t forced and done fluidly in one breath. Nice job enjoyed this

Spoken - liked the vocab here and it was very poetic in the sense that the words you used really captured the tone of your piece. Really enjoyed some of the lines in the last verse like the board game/lights one, and the nylon rope hugging your throat. The ending with no love lost. Just time is quite powerful as it really ties the bitterness of the verse in with the feeling of having moved on (in the sense that you just don’t care anymore)

Overall two really good pieces here that are structurally quite different code went for straight up story telling spoken was more of an emotional screen shot. Quality of writing was pretty high here I think spoken maybe had the better quality but for personal preference I just enjoyed following Cody’s story slightly more so I think that’s what it boils down to for me. Could go either way though two very good drops

V/Cody

Nash, I loved the narrative here. You told it in a really relatable way, managing to really make your character feel tangible here. This helped me connect with what was already emotionally heavy angle. You paced it well, and it kept me interested to the end. Flow & mechanics wise, this was pretty polished. I feel like its a very solid drop overall.

Spoken, I thought you had a creative take on the topic. I enjoyed your less linear narration, and felt like the whole piece was littered with instances of prose. The ending was choice. You had a solid drop as well.

Dope battle overall between to very decorated writers. I could see this going either way, but for me, Nash had the more impactful narrative, and more polished mechanics. This allowed him to edge out Spoken, who had the more creative approach, and abstract prose. Kudos to both, well fought.

Vote - Cry

Cody, like I was telling you before. BIG Reign Over Me vibes in this piece. It also kinda has specs of Baron X's Title Match verse from a few years ago against Walking Keys on RR. His piece was about a crazy homeless guy that thought him and this chick were in love when realistically he was just stalking her. Yours is obviously about somebody suffering from the traumatic experience of his family dying and losing everything, including his sense of time / reality. We see it everyday and it's tragic af. Wording was smooth for the most part. Think there was a couple times where dialogue came into the picture and the modern kinda slang or whatever you'd call it was used that kinda took a second away but it's nothing aside from a nitpick really. Narration and imagery were spot on. Really good storytelling here as usual. Very emotional by the ending though I picked up that twist about midway through. It still was like "damn, I couldn't imagine." especially when you have a wife and kids of your own, puts it into a whole new perspective. Good shit overall. Really well written. Probably my pick for this challenge's winner as well.

Storyteller, this was alright. I feel like either the Guam accent throws it off, like maybe we say things differently, or the writing itself could've been revised / polished a bit because some syllables counts were off and some of the language seemed a bit awkward. I wasn't able to find myself all that committed to this conceptually, just didn't grasp my attention much and I found myself racing for the end by the start of the last stanza. It's nothing personal. Just compared to what you were up against and some of the other verses written this week, I was left wanting a lot more with this piece. Sorry, man. Still better than Echelon and Disciple though.

Overall, very one sided battle in my opinion. You got what could be considered the best piece this week versus what could be consider bottom three. I've never been a big fan of Spoken's style, but I know for a fact he's written stronger stories than this. Not sure what's shaking him up offline but it's def effecting him here.

Vote Cody wins via KO.