"I dont know" by Shiznit

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June 25th, 2003, 10:55 PM
shiznit

"I dont know" by Shiznit edited by Anonymous

There are no exact words that would elaborate my feelings deep within
Pure abstract verbs brewed that tolerate steering few steps back out and in
Inspite the fact we viewed few moderate mishaps dealing with another skin
Ive kept distract on others screwed deteriorate scores as ive stayed where ive been

Left you hooked up with ur past as ur unhappy cheers strangled my whole body
Conversations shooked and dropped for a month and confided fears with somebody
Tears lived for centuries in my eyes waiting to evaporize into thin air uncontrollably
Clearly believed that this path im heading would decrease my chances of love eternally

Misunderstandings by mistake forced thoughts of strong discomfort on my account
"I GIVE UP" were the last three words in my mind as my heart says "DONT EVER FALL DOWN"
Intolerable pains of deception i struggle to survived as lost hearts melt for me on a rebound
Truth came out un-masked revealing the un reasoning passion enamored all around

Astounded by the fact that this existing devotion is not just some harmless infatuation
Simple "HI" from you is enough to get my day going through this world of constant trepidation
We sorted inanimate things out and came to the conclusion that there's always been a close relation
Chemistry relived each moment as we opened up strong feelings and unextinct admiration

"Friends for now" was the phrase u said that almost crashed my unbelievable attachment
"Im always gonna be here" were my words to you eventhough u rejected my reaction
"Im hurt" u said to me for some joke that made me say my "Im sorry" statement
"I love you" is the phrase that revived my life from a "heart disengagement"

From griefs and aches of loneliness to contentment of powerful cheerfulness
Retarded "Tampons are expensive" talks are enjoyable regardless of my inferiority complex
"uhhh..yeah..mmhmm...ehhh...errr" priceless moments of us getting speechless
Incredible morning rhythms are the best part of my new found happiness

Ive waited a long ass time for you to realize that u deserve a lot better like ive been told
To be honest, i dont know what i did for you to deserve this and that makes me troubled
Doubled the the desire for me to reach my goal of unending smiles a thousand folds
Mark my word baby " me and you , together are gonna grow old"...thats my future holds

I thought love was all bullshit but now i know there's always gonna be someone out there perfect for you
Someone that would make u feel a "dork" thinking about how ur inlove and devotedly true
No matter how u find the right person either short or long distance or even exactly 718 miles a few
It would only take "11 cds" for me to finally hear "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"
June 26th, 2003, 12:40 AM
LaDy TrInItY

wow..ur vocab is just....uh..up there..lol..nice imagery...Good piece...lines were long..so i had to read them a couple times...and remember to reply back...its only NICE!!..God bless..1.
June 26th, 2003, 04:46 PM
shiznit

thanks lady....yeah it was pretty long.....and i know that some lines are really hard to understand and only one person would know what im talkin bout on here.....:) :)

but im glad u liked it tho... uppin!
June 26th, 2003, 09:16 PM
SmoothCrmnl

eyo eyo eyo...its about time i could feel wwhat someone was writing...fashow girl you got true talent and U know that....i loved the piece ----- the use of imagery and the vocab was out of this world....keep doin you

fashow lady
June 26th, 2003, 10:19 PM
K.E.M

ah, nice lengthy piece..enjoyed it a lot....could feel your emotions of it too..ending was real nice,liked that last line a lot..was just, ha..bam. expression of it, emotion...attitude...all there...written real well.keep it up girl.

one love
June 27th, 2003, 01:40 AM
Content

smooth criminals like lil bow wow or sommit....any hoo this was nice...your last lines seems like this...

if you had a week to live id wanna die after being sixer
so I could never go a day without her I love her I miss her...

okay maybe not but you deserve somethin like that..like me....
maybe not..but love dont cost a thing...all my life is all I..eehh

okay..a book of synonums does a lot for any patron to exemplify a
wonderful display of lyrics and you did your thing on this here.

you flipped your thoughts well through the whole thing and that had my attention throughout this.

never ussed trepidation before in a sentence or heard it but its probaly allong the lines of turmiol or travesty....not because of the t factor but they come to mind with the word...this was nice reply back
June 27th, 2003, 06:40 AM
Dadi Kewl

Nice imagery and vocab Shiz,
i would fully break it down....
but i think i'd break down 1st...lol

piece was very good from the start
i liked the way you opened it
and was nice to see such a lengthy piece
that didnt fall off at all

anyways.....ish was good

pz.
June 27th, 2003, 08:41 AM
The MRB

Extremely nice piece gurl, my type of piece, i could relate to it. Vocab on point, u uisnt interesting words that prove your intelligent and it shows creativeness but u aint being bigheaded about it so everyone knows what your talking about, some nice wordplay in there as well, superb piece

it was so nearly an A* but at da mo u have to settle for

Eborted verdict- A
June 27th, 2003, 05:10 PM
shiznit

wow....i thought these would never get replies ya know....
and now all these...damn guys i feel soooooooo loved...LOL

smooth...i dont really have a talent...i just write what i want and what my brain wants me to write...its quite amazing cuz if only my brain could write ..it will write all words in my head for sure...non stop ...thanks man...

K.E.M....yeah i liked the last lines too...someone broke it down for me....from miles to days to hours to minutes to songs to how many songs per cd to how many albums u can listen to until u reached 718 miles....not bad huh? LOL....glad u liked it!

Flowz....lol @ that lil bow wow comment...and yeah "trepidation" is a deep word that came from my special someone.. ;) he's smart..he thought of that....hehehe...but yeah thanks!

Addlibb....u can never break down mine...thats my thing yo...hahaha..but yeah u can break down all u want...LOL...but im really glad u liked it even though its pretty long...very much appreciated...

MRB....im an A student man....u just gotta believe me ...hahaha....i like ur stuff in open mic too...u got mad talent...ur like A++++ ya know LOL...but yeah thanks...

my piece for me to share ....thanks guys!
June 27th, 2003, 05:48 PM
Deceit

That was great, i loved the scheme, it suggested you have experienced this, and your releasing tension, it's a releiving feeling, you drop the cliche of established poems...
It's original and emotional poignant, it's the shiznit, BIATCH

And are you sure arachibutyrophobia exists? ;)
June 27th, 2003, 06:12 PM
shiznit

Quote:

Originally posted by Deceit
That was great, i loved the scheme, it suggested you have experienced this, and your releasing tension, it's a releiving feeling, you drop the cliche of established poems...
It's original and emotional poignant, it's the shiznit, BIATCH

And are you sure arachibutyrophobia exists? ;)

thanks deceit...and yesh arachibutyrophobia really do exists....

hehehe...i think ive encountered some of 'em awhile back..;)

are you sure ur not arachibutyrophobic???..now thats a question..hehehe
June 30th, 2003, 08:43 PM
shiznit

i put a lot of effort on this....dammit

no more feedbacks?? :( :( :(
June 30th, 2003, 10:20 PM
Enoch

That's what they do here, shiznit..sleep. You being a mod should know. Although I can't talk. I haven't really replied to anyone's stuff yet. But here's my first..

Emotion poured out of this. The vocab you used on this made it a lot better. Whenever I write, my intelligence..or lack of it, shows very much. Instead of using 1000 little words to get your point across you used 1 pretty big one. So I liked that part of it.

The content of it was good. You wrote one of those typical boring love poems in a different way which made it more fun to read.

I liked the set up you had too. 4 lines to a paragraph..I guess they call them paragraphs? Or stanzas? Well anyways, I liked that. They are usually harder to read when all bunched up into one long story with no breaks. So...Good job.
June 30th, 2003, 11:31 PM
The End

Quote:

Originally posted by Enoch
Although I can't talk. I haven't really replied to anyone's stuff yet. But here's my first..

^ Hmm.. thats a lie considering I did an IP check and your other alias is Legendary and you respond to lots of poems on here.. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem. I could relate to a lot of it and your use of words was very nicely done. I really don't know what else to say that hasn't been said already, so I guess I will just leave it at that. :)
July 1st, 2003, 12:18 AM
Maven.

hi jen
this was dope.
your huge vocabulary astounds me. I am awed.
The emotion in this surpasses most pieces.
The most emotional shit I've seen people write seems cold and removed compared to this. I really felt it.
the closing line was amazing.
Peace
July 1st, 2003, 01:56 AM
J.K.O

damn this shit was good
i enjoyed it through the whole thing
never seen anybody write that much though
couldnt belive it
July 1st, 2003, 05:51 PM
Sureal

You're The Dopest Of Dope In Dopeland...

This Peice Was Dope..

-Sureal
July 2nd, 2003, 10:23 AM
Sir Skiddz SoPhrenic

thats alot of wrting goin on......daaaaaaaamn.....but even though it took 3 years to read it was still nice as fuck. nice piece
July 2nd, 2003, 10:25 AM
CrazyE

WoW !!! That was pretty intense. Great imagery that provoked powerful feeling at least for me. Sounds like you'll move on though , as life and love always do. Glad I took the time to read your peice.

Peace
Crazy E
July 2nd, 2003, 05:01 PM
Hyper Shadow

great
July 2nd, 2003, 06:03 PM
The End

Quote:

Originally posted by Hyper Shadow
great

^ You are one of the dumbest people to stumble upon RB.com. All you did was say 'great' as Masta D and I banned you for it. Thinking you'd learn your lesson, I didn't IP ban you so you could have another chance. What do you do? Make another name and do the same shit. You are a moron and are now IP Banned.

Great.
July 3rd, 2003, 04:58 AM
LaDy seXtACy

^^ lol... this was a real nice piece gurl... you show a lot of talent... good thing im workin with ya then huh lol... everybody already broke it down soo theres nada left for me to do hehe... stay up gurlie...

-lady
July 4th, 2003, 01:43 AM
J.K.O

that shit was good u did pretty good

i enjoyed it from start to finish i hope keep doin this

cause u got talent
July 4th, 2003, 05:55 PM
shiznit

YAY!.......more replies...*clapping hands* "hercules! HErcules!"

*is retarded*:rolleyes:

hmmm...more ppl to thank again....*excited*

here you go...

Enoch a.k.a. Legendary..i really appreciate that good feedback...

The End...*glares* stop freeposting on my thread...LOL..jp :p

Understatement...very well thank you Pat...wow one of the best writers ive seen on here liked my long ass poem...LOL..glad u liked it

J.K.O....i think u really really liked my poem..its obvious cuz u replied to it twice..;)...hehe...and thanks a lot man!

Sureal..whats with u dope that aint no dope would really doper the dopest dope ever?? ahhhhhh.....hehehe im not dope...U IS!...but anyways...thanks for that 'dope' reply! :)

Hyper Shadow..."great." "nice shit yo!" *shakes head*...Thanks The End!!!

Lady Sexstacy...hey ShA!....thanks gurl...oh and yeah...im gonna email bout all the poems u sent me..ill see what i can do...thanks once again!

......my poetry successfully shared... <---dope!
July 4th, 2003, 06:33 PM
lil_roxy

yo how u write wot i woz thinkin? jus bout every line rite der reach me in sum way, u a good writter! but only one bit confused me tha bit bout "11 cds" eggsplain?? keep up ur writtin ur good at it. peace
~roX~
July 4th, 2003, 07:08 PM
Varentao

Quote:

Originally posted by The End

^ Hmm.. thats a lie considering I did an IP check and your other alias is Legendary and you respond to lots of poems on here.. :rolleyes:

What's that all about? Legendary's usually okay here. Nothing to be ashamed of. Gives good replies n all that.

*scratches head*...

Oh well, i can see the reasons...but maybe someone would highlight which one of them it is...(!)...
July 4th, 2003, 07:16 PM
Varentao

I could've swore i replied to this before.

I guess i must've read it but was in too much of a rush to reply to it or something.

So here it is, Shizzy...

Written damn well. You seemed to cruise through the piece word by word...it kept me reading all the way through. You really got into the 'situation' and gave us a brief but important exploration into it. Imagery was subtle yet well done.

Though i felt the rhyme scene and how it was built up too was at times rigid. And made the flow slightly akward. that didn't matter much at all.

Also the lenght of the lines struck me as being too long at first sight. But the way it was written, as i read through it...it not only ceased to bother me..but i saw it becoming part of the piece. Part of how the piece was meant to be. You know, the 'art' of the piece in a way. Done like that on purpose for artistic reasons...

..anyway, that's enough said from me. I enjoyed this, you seem comfortable with a 'pen' (or keyboard) judging from this piece alone...

...resp...
July 4th, 2003, 11:37 PM
The End

Quote:

Originally posted by shiznit

The End...*glares* stop freeposting on my thread...LOL..jp :p
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Hyper Shadow..."great." "nice shit yo!" *shakes head*...Thanks The End!!!

Make up your mind. If I didn't freepost than that fool wouldn't have been banned. *sigh* Women.

Varentao.. I do an IP check with almost ever newbie I see to check and see if they are someone else under a different alias. I did a check on Enoch and that's how I saw that it was Legendary. Standard protocol my friend. ;)
July 5th, 2003, 05:48 PM
13th Disciple

Quote:

Originally posted by The End

feepost

i don't know what that means brandon...lol......anywayz.....hows
it going Jen...ha ha ha......but seriously.....i really don't read alot
of poems and shit....but someone told me to peep this....and i'm
glad i did.....ur vocab was on point......ur feelings were deep....i
can tell u kinda poured ur heart into this.....ur probably layed in
bed.....tears coming down your eyes....while writing this piece....i
wouldn't doubt if u did.....cuz like i said....it was deep.....good job
Jen.....and i'm glad to see your poems are better than your jokes..
lol......i'll holla...........peace
July 5th, 2003, 08:30 PM
shiznit

Quote:

Originally posted by lil_roxy
but only one bit confused me tha bit bout "11 cds" eggsplain??

alright in 718 miles there would be 11 hours and something something...

here goes the breakdown...

mylife (9:46:22 PM): hmm... 11 hrs = 660 minutes
mylife (9:46:30 PM): an average song is 3 minutes about
mylife (9:46:38 PM): 100 songs = 300 minutes
mylife (9:46:45 PM): 200 songs = 600 minutes
mylife (9:46:47 PM): so..
mylife (9:46:52 PM): 220 songs later
mylife (9:47:03 PM): therefore
mylife (9:47:09 PM): 20 songs per cd
mylife (9:47:15 PM): 11 cd's
mylife (9:47:17 PM): and
mylife (9:47:20 PM): we are together

^^^^hope that makes sense...;) ;)....so basically when i drive from here to there....i would just gotta have to listen to 11 cds...ahhhhh..*is a dork*...

hope that answers ur question tho..
July 5th, 2003, 08:37 PM
shiznit

hmmm...

VARENTAO...i really do appreciate the feedback especially coming from one of the most respected poets from rb...the lengthiness was meant to be written...im just a very lengthy writer...just write some random stuff and put them together....hehe..but yeah im really glad u liked it...

13th Disciple...WOW!..i never see you in here before man...what made you peep on my shit?? :rolleyes: lol @ feepost....

one thing...
"Jen.....and i'm glad to see your poems are better than your jokes.."

^^^whats that supposed to mean? *glares*...when did u hear my jokes?...damn...i know i know ur my fan and all but...*shuts up*...nahhhhh..im messin with you...but i really feel special that u read my shitty poem...THanks a lot man!
July 5th, 2003, 09:08 PM
13th Disciple

i peeped it cuz i heard u was dope in poetry.........and as far as
the jokes......remember....me.....u.....kendra.....in a threesome?...
lol...............keep them poems coming.....i might peep ur work
every now and then.......like i said......not a real big fan of poetry..
but i liked urs in particular.......i guess u can say i'm pussy riding....
i have no problem wit that tho......lmao.........mi voy mi amor.....
July 5th, 2003, 10:18 PM
The End

^ Words from a lonely.. lonely man.. :rolleyes:

(sorry for freepost.. but have to comment on 13th's post ;) )
July 5th, 2003, 11:36 PM
Content

you dont know shiznit..you thought you did but theres so much more shizzy..jus playin once again you put your thing down and did it well

advice..if you can do a split dont do it in a club or anything to show off if your not wearing underwear..your cat might catch a cold..jus my thoughts shizzy..goodday now..and tight poem
July 7th, 2003, 08:44 PM
shiznit

Quote:

Originally posted by Content Flowz
you dont know shiznit..you thought you did but theres so much more shizzy..jus playin once again you put your thing down and did it well

advice..if you can do a split dont do it in a club or anything to show off if your not wearing underwear..your cat might catch a cold..jus my thoughts shizzy..goodday now..and tight poem

I dont wanna mean to free post or anythin...but what the fuck are you talkin bout???

*scratches head*