1 Attachment(s)
The Serpent and the Rainbow
Attachment 21149
Tommy - Director
Brian - Cameraman
Diana - Actress
John - Geologist
Terra - Doctor
As sunlight beams down on frustrated minds, a machete strikes through emerald vines.
The five of us come from California, three film majors, a doctor and a geologist.
We're visiting the Amazon to see what we can find, to document discovering the divine.
Whether it's gold or medicine, we won't leave this jungle without something ominous.
We leave rich or we stay here and lose our minds, let us test God's design for the hell of it...
"Tommy, how much water do you have left?" Diana asks, adjusting her dress,
a floral gown of blues and silver, reflecting off the river as we keep along the edge.
"There's bugs and dirt everywhere, I'm the face of this movie, and I have needs!"
She gests, as Tommy responds with "well, out here you can expect to catch fleas."
"Ooo, yes please!" She rolls her eyes, brushing off her breasts of pollin and soil,
I observe an orchid in the midst of withering, it's snowy complexion now spoiled.
"Let's go, John! Before your brain boils!" Tommy shakes his head left and right,
Brian struggling to breathe, inhales battery acid like it's the flesh of Christ.
"Tommy, I mean it, I'm thirsty and it's like a million fucking degrees!"
"HERE!" He tosses a bottle in her direction then wipes bamboo debris from his knees.
"John, where are we? How far till this tribe of yours?" Terra asks, rubbing her brow,
"Shouldn't be long, we just passed the orchids so maybe an hour from now."
She gives off a scowl, staring at the water as if the answers will jump out,
"Ironic... we're in a rainforest but there's no sign of rain... not even a single cloud."
"It's alright, I hear the people at this village are very hospitable, they'll shelter us."
"Do you watch movies? Does it ever workout for the cast? NO! It NEVER does!"
I think about the idea for a minute, second thoughts slither into my brain,
but it's too late to escape, as the smoke of the village comes into frame.
"Can't change our minds now, Brian, guess you'll just turn into an actual toad!"
"Fuck you, Tommy!" Brian whines as he lifts the camera and films the approach.
Diana begins...
"This is the village of the Wari, a tribe of people who survived the fires earlier this year."
She looks away long enough to summon a couple alligator tears.
"The Wari are one of the oldest tribes in the Amazon, hidden away from modern society..."
"Diana... Wait a minute... Excuse me!? Hi! Can you... Can you come closer please!?"
Tommy motions an invitation as a woman watches from a distance behind the trees.
As she draws near, we see her necklace, instead of beads, it's human teeth.
with a tongue rotting in the middle, Diana weeps as maggots fall to the woman's feet.
"Fuck this!" Brian screams, spins around and takes an arrow to both knees,
surrounded by spears and knives, our lives flash before our eyes in slow speed.
"No! ...PLEASE!" Brian pleads as the woman grabs his face, her lips meet his,
the sound of his groans turn my stomach, but not as much as when she ascends.
Blood runs down his cheeks and chin as his tongues hanging from her mouth,
Brian drops to the ground, an asthma attack puts him down while he's bleeding out.
Diana screams uncontrollably, as Terra covers her face and Tommy caves,
I begin to hyperventilate while watching, when she turns her gaze towards me, I feint.
"By the way, John, what did you dream about last night? A woman in your arms?
The sea at your doorstep? Or of the syringe; the rainbow serpent in the stars?"
"No, doctor, I dreamt that I was staring up from my own grave..."
I wake up in a cage, naked and afraid, eyes still trying to focus,
Diana hangs up straight, wrists tied by ivory to bamboo postage.
We all feel hopeless, Tommy yelling to be set free, aggressively,
while Terra studies the villagers, anticipating a reckoning.
Diana is woken by a young boy fondling her breasts,
she tries to shake him off her chest but he grabs her by the neck.
Puts a knife against her flesh as she begs him to stop,
I look away as he removes the cloth that covers his cock.
Listening to her cries and Tommy threatening to kill,
the sound of moisture between thighs and the climax built.
He releases a moan and Tommy screams "NO, THAT'S ENOUGH!"
I watch as another boy walks over and removes his stuff.
Diana is raped for hours, to the point she becomes numb,
I tried to look into her eyes but she was a lifeless husk.
She'd abandoned this world as her heart couldn't fight more,
they cut her down and dragged her aside like last night's boar.
Cutting her open and tossing her insides into a stone bowl,
I could feel their sadistic sins staining my own soul.
Vomiting into the grass, again, I passed out.
Unable to watch the horrors anymore than I had now.
"Whatever happens... Death is not the end..."
I wake up to Tommy shouting "get the fuck off me!"
As they pull him towards Diana's offering.
They tied his wrists and covered his skin in powder,
I must've slept for hours as the sky lost it's power.
Blackened by the night, or maybe by death,
the sun turned it's back on us, for fear of what's next.
"You gonna rape me now!? Fuck you! I'll kill you all!"
Tommy twists and turns as they poke and prod.
The woman that killed Brian stokes the flames,
walks over to Tommy and strokes his face.
"Don't touch me, you old bitch, I swear to God!"
His eyes flare open as she tears his balls.
She rips them from his groin and tosses them aside,
kneels and drinks the blood like a fountain of wine.
"TOMMY! TOMMY, NO! STAY AWAKE, TOMMY! STAY AWAKE!"
I shout but I'm hardly okay, I know he's dying but I try to be brave.
I just don't know how much more of my conscience remains.
Watching as Tommy drains down her throat, and I'm afraid.
"John... it's okay... it's okay to feint..."
Terra whispers in my ear before my eyes go blank...
"There is no escape from the grave."
I wake up, my wrists tied behind my back, a prisoner of war in Iraq.
It's been at least ninety days since my unit was hit, now I'm the last.
I keep having dreams where I die in different lives every time I sleep,
then I wake up and they torture me, will I ever rest in peace?
"No, you'll never rest in peace, John, death is not the end.
Allah will torture you for an eternity if you don't cleanse away your sins
He's taken all your friends, now tell me, where is your bases location?
If you tell me, heaven will welcome you with a standing ovation."
Before I can speak, he holds up a finger and looks at the ceiling,
a bomb buries him beneath the sand but before it explodes I get a familiar feeling.
"Time to wake up, John."
I open my eyes to a syringe deep in my arm, my wife, Terra, asleep in the dark,
the heroin coursing through my veins like a serpent weaving through my heart.
In this life, you die young, or lose your mind, because it's not all rainbows in the cards.
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
Quote:
As sunlight beams down on frustrated minds, a machete strikes through emerald vines.
The five of us come from California, three film majors, a doctor and a geologist.
We're visiting the Amazon to see what we can find, to document discovering the divine.
Whether it's gold or medicine, we won't leave this jungle without something ominous.
We leave rich or we stay here and lose our minds, let us test God's design for the hell of it...As sunlight beams down on frustrated minds, a machete strikes through emerald vines.
The five of us come from California, three film majors, a doctor and a geologist.
We're visiting the Amazon to see what we can find, to document discovering the divine.
Whether it's gold or medicine, we won't leave this jungle without something ominous.
We leave rich or we stay here and lose our minds, let us test God's design for the hell of it...
Interesting pattern you've got going on here at first I was thinking it was an intro with minimal focus on rhymes but the more it went along it became unpredictable but cool because I didn't know where to expect the next one to land...
I like the dialogue back and forth (as well as the key characters/cast) its super easy to follow the convos. The banter was cool it gives another layer to the characters and how well they know each other without having to give their history.
Quote:
"Do you watch movies? Does it ever workout for the cast? NO! It NEVER does!"
I like how you had this meta-moment that kinda breaks the 4th wall and addresses something i was already thinking as the reader lol
sidenote - just from the title and - the fact they're trying to find a hidden tribe in a remote part of the rainforest/jungle....I'm getting Anaconda vibes from this, but we shall see...
Quote:
As she draws near, we see her necklace, instead of beads, it's human teeth.
with a tongue rotting in the middle, Diana weeps as maggots fall to the woman's feet.
yeah nah fuck that lol , thats why we leave the hidden people hidden
ah yeah bro this went way left from Anaconda to Green Inferno...
Quote:
Cutting her open and tossing her insides into a stone bowl,
I could feel their sadistic sins staining my own soul.
nice use of alliteration there
Interesting twist, at the end. Admittedly didnt know where that would land at all. So John just out here tweeking so he can re-live the deaths of his past lives? I dont think that's a dragon or serpent I'd want to chase lol
all in all - very cool story, dialogue was on point and it was vivid, very vivid.
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
I'm not entirely sure how to properly critique a topical so I'll make comments here and there. I loved the Green Inferno vibe, it devolved into something absolutely horrific. The imagery was captivating. I immersed myself into the characters and thanks to the excellent usage of dialogue I was able to get more and more attached to their character builds. The vivid detail in the horror that afflicted them left me at times emotional to their plight. The rape scene was difficult to read, but necessary to truly give the reader an idea of what John (it was John, right?) was experiencing. I wouldn't have expected the story to be the result of a drug-overdose, or simply a high, but it was a good way to describe the torment he was going through in his life and death, and all the different variations of how he would live his life to die a most pitiful death.
Dope shit.
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
Deep… you see the movie? My brother told me to watch it and yup pretty much… it was actually top gun that opened my eyes when they plane was going down and the caption ordered voodoo 1… I believe they were ripping their souls out just in case but idk
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
this was a bit longer than I’d like to read these days , but again you always feed my stuff so I got you bruh . This was a pretty original idea.
I don’t think I’ve ever read something like this on RB. I’ve seen different characters but the dialogue between them actually had a pretty real feel to it which I enjoyed. As always Il say ya have a great vocabulary lol. At first I wasn’t sure where the story was going to go but I thought that you eased into it which was nice . The convos between characters I really got a kick out of . The rolling her eyes etc seemed like effortless banter back and forth .. again the ease in kept me engaged because I really didn’t know where it was going to go l. And then it went from 0-100 with the necklace made
Of beads to I think it was teeth and I was like here we go lmao . And then your style really came out and the read became quite effortless . Imagery was sweet through violet but those scenes are always more fun to write about and depict.. the twist at the end was cool fighting your demons type , I liked it man . Great read
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
yea man, this drop went down many avenues. With the title, i was expecting zombies to pop up somewhere, but like Rude pointed out, it did have Green Inferno vibes that turned out to be a cycles of living deaths that I wasn't sure was or wasn't happening, then eventually a heroin trip gone bad. The narration was easy to follow, which is remarkable when it comes to drops like this for me because i normally have a hard time keeping track of who is who and what is what when it comes to these types of pieces. It was a bit long, but i think you gave it the length it needed to develop and there wasnt much fluff at all. Just about every line was utilized and drove the narrative. Shows a disciplined execution and i loved all the descriptive bits in there like. .
"sunlight beams down on frustrated minds, a machete strikes through emerald vines"
"we see her necklace, instead of beads, it's human teeth.
with a tongue rotting in the middle, Diana weeps as maggots fall to the woman's feet.
"Fuck this!" Brian screams, spins around and takes an arrow to both knees,
surrounded by spears and knives, our lives flash before our eyes in slow speed."
"open my eyes to a syringe deep in my arm, my wife, Terra, asleep in the dark,
the heroin coursing through my veins like a serpent weaving through my heart"
You had these little gems littered all through the piece. Of course the dark tone is my style and i liked the constant mood of dread and hopelessness that the characters faced. Good shit man. Almost makes me want to write something, but then i quickly remembered im too lazy these days lol
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
I've always been a fan of unconventional rhyming patterns. This was compelling and you can feel the passion that was put into writing it. Should be in HOF for sure.
Re: The Serpent and the Rainbow
