keystyle (some quick bars)

When my brain uploads my vocals weaponize / turn to Cyclops with weapon eyes/
Punchline’s be wrecking eyes/ so recognize/ those who witness how I diss guys/
Try an hide/ they’ll need witness protection and a permanent disguise.
Put the penning lines and penalize with references to vengeance,
Though my bars comprised of run~ons their conviction are multiple sentences.
I’m sick with a degree in STD’s/ diploma in lymphoma/ writers block
can put commas into coma’s/ 16’s infected with blastoma/ im the last soldier.
To let em clap after hearing claps between them applause//
What you pen so soft/ Cents will stop your flow like when women menopause/
Yawl get what you deserve when my d~serves u pussies
You’ll wish you could reverse time to re~verse your rhyme
Should rehearse or get killed twice.. I’ll re~hurst this rookie!!
Psychics see hellfire in my future, predicting disaster/between laughter I answer
That’s right now... they seeing every metaphor i write down before and after.
Spit off one Guinness, end up in the Guinness book and Ripley’s/
Nobody can rip me, chances so grim I’m bringing the reaper with me...
Spit sickly// riddles is sickles//these is battle bars strictly and simple
my bat symbol's a slash sign with the logo for cents in the middle.
Noncentz not no change, but while we on the subjet//
I wont till I die leaving necks jerking like they heads keeping beat with dubstep.
See im everything a thug reps, carry the weight how inmate thug reps//
Get your slugs prepped, cause I aint going down without a fight//
Spit dope over mics// fiends use cd players as substitutes for they crack pipes.


http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...Soldiers-Story
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...tro-to-Mic-rap

OK the biggest thing to do is replace the "/" and put "..." it reads better if you are putting pauses in the verse, if it's another line then just move it down so it can be another line. The randomness throws everything off. I know this is a quick keystyle but you have to maintain some type of focus. If you're talking about being a dope rapper or lyricist then you have to make little groups of information why you are that. That will give you a focus and make your drops sound better. work on that and you sound smoother..

thank u and yeah this is just random punches collaborated lol but im still learning textcee ing

It seem like you new at this Switch up your style it helps you flow better & makes you be a better writer.
practice doesn't mean give up.

Quote:

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Put the penning lines and penalize with references to vengeance,
Though my bars comprised of run~ons their conviction are multiple sentences.

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real good flip right here.

Quote:

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Psychics see hellfire in my future, predicting disaster/between laughter I answer
That’s right now... they seeing every metaphor i write down before and after.

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yo, this was a dope twist




this nigga said cd players. lololol. But yo, not a terrible freestyle but you definitely wana use more current, relevant concepts in your bars. i appreciate freestyling cause thats what i do way more than battling and topicals. but keep working at it. and like dude said above, kill at the slashes n marks. it disturbs the reader.

I thought this was pretty good at some parts. Kind of random ya but that's what you meant it to be. Like the guy with Chinese characters as his username said replace the slashes with fullstops, the slashes just confuse, is it a pause or new line. My favorite line as "Nobody can rip me, chances so grim I’m bringing the reaper with me..." actually made me chuckle out loud. Like someone before me said practice makes perfect or some shiz like that.

This wasn't bad for an off the top piece, tbh. Some simplicity and basic concepts but well worded, IMO. I feel you have the basics down. Work on expanding your concepts, as well as try and add a rhyme scheme. When doing a topical or off the top freestyle/keystyle, I focus more on flow & Scheme rather then punches. I mean, they are a plus if you have them but flow and scheme is dope when droppin OPENMIC's, IMO.

Anyways, overall a decent drop man.

Makengknowcentz, firstly I apologize for taking so long to feed.

You spit ‘em out, full speed. I love the way you do that.


I know this is a whole stack of bars and not one uniform piece.
So that’s the way I’ve been looking at it.
You have some nice bars.

There’s some lines though, man, music to my ears. …

“end up in the Guinness book and Ripley’s
Nobody can rip me”

I kinda believe that.

I really like your raw talent Makengknowcentz, and I’m a fan of your writing.
I would like to see a piece with one storyline but full of all your stuff.
Something where the brain isn’t shot in a million directions, but stays on one path.

But if you don’t do that, I still reckon your work rocks.

“I wont till I die leaving necks jerking like they heads keeping beat with dubstep.
See im everything a thug reps, carry the weight how inmate thug reps//
Get your slugs prepped” ------- Killer last line here. I can hear the grunt behind the vocal.


To let em clap after hearing claps between them applause//
What you pen so soft/ Cents will stop your flow like when women menopause/

Yeah, that’s too long, but I like it.


Keep it up Makengknowcentz.

To me, you makealotofsense.