Misguided.

First post here. We don't get much exposure to rap here in Australia, and this is the only piece I've ever written, so some fundamental tips would fantastic, and criticism is welcome.

As the walls close in, from a society which resents you
Which misrepresents you, and makes you repent too
For sins you havn’t committed, knots you havn’t knitted
Your soul has been omitted from the jargon that’s permitted
So if you ask that’s why I spit it
To refrain from being “wid it”
Whilst my consciousness is minded, slighted and “righted”
It’s further blighted, reminded of a hybrid
As we’re strangled by these suppressive vines
Living life in their line as we claim we're fine
We serve and survive and simply preach and die
They teach and lie, in all of their speeches why?

As the pressure builds, it’s just another day
Don’t live life being choked by a tourniquet
It’s in your mind, you just need the will to survive
To live life right, and reach great heights
However we’re told from our infancy, what to eat, drink and think
What to speak, eek and seek
From what they teach, leak and seep
Now all we need to know is to follow ourselves
And don’t live our lives in the mould of their misguided shells

Hope ya'll like it!

Jake.

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...19&postcount=3

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/show...9&postcount=15

Here's my linkage.

fuck man lol for your first post on here bro thats fukin good man and you even followed the rules so props to you umm okay so what i liked about it was the flow mostly vocab was nice too but the flow got me into it so much quicker umm fav verse

As the walls close in, from a society which resents you
Which misrepresents you, and makes you repent too
For sins you havn’t committed, knots you havn’t knitted
Your soul has been omitted from the jargon that’s permitted
So if you ask that’s why I spit it
To refrain from being “wid it”

flow kinda reminded me of juelz santanas when he did the song "why" check it out

Thanks a lot Calgary, I'll check it out!